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Old 05-25-2018, 08:39 AM   #1
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Food Dilemma

Shrek's Memorial is set for June 23rd. Notice in hometown paper for his remaining friends and the family. I have no idea how many people will be showing up.


Setting: up in the mountains near the creek where Shrek's ashes will be scattered. It is a picnic and campground site. I am going up the night before to select a spot and spend time with Shrek before anyone else shows up.


I don't expect anyone to get there before 8 am, so lunch it is. The time set for scattering the ashes and the "Viking" burning of the guitar is 2 pm.



Dilemma: how much food? I'm thinking hamburgers, polish dogs and hot dogs, tater salad, coleslaw. I can stop and buy the meats, buns the night before. Possibly get Mom to make the tater salad and coleslaw to bring up the day of, I can help her get these made a day or so in advance. Ask the kids to bring chips, condiments and other things. Everyone to bring their own beverages, I will have water available.


When you don't know who is coming, how do you plan? I know that there will be at least 16 family members. Do I set a time in the public notice for all others to arrive, but not be eating, is that okay for the etiquette police?


Thanks for any suggestions. It's time to get this show on the road with no more procrastinating from me.


What food suggestions and/or funeral/memorial etiquette suggestions do you have for me?
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Old 05-25-2018, 08:44 AM   #2
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In my family on my mum side we always serve food that the deceased used to love, so we can talk and share memories.
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Old 05-25-2018, 10:02 AM   #3
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That's a dilemma. With my family, each would bring a dish whether you asked or not. They often ask what to bring. If that would would work for you, just toss out suggestions for salads, breads, drinks, etc. You usually end up with leftovers doing this.
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Old 05-25-2018, 10:54 AM   #4
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I didn’t know you were bereaved, Princess, I must have missed something. Please accept my deepest condolences.

If I were going to bring food, I’d make a a passel of chicken tatsuta age and a couple of dipping sauces because 1. It’s fast and easy, and 2. It’s not greasy at all and can be served room temperature.
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Old 05-25-2018, 12:13 PM   #5
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I would say it should be an early dinner for everyone who comes, after the plans at 2:00, or maybe make it earlier, say late morning?

People will most likely bring something to share, with whatever you have already planned. Personally, I would have cold cuts, or a sliced ham with breads for everyone to make a sandwich with your provided salads. I doubt you'll want to think about making burgers and dogs for everyone, as it should be as easy as possible for you.
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Old 05-25-2018, 12:35 PM   #6
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I would say it should be an early dinner for everyone who comes, after the plans at 2:00, or maybe make it earlier, say late morning?

People will most likely bring something to share, with whatever you have already planned. Personally, I would have cold cuts, or a sliced ham with breads for everyone to make a sandwich with your provided salads. I doubt you'll want to think about making burgers and dogs for everyone, as it should be as easy as possible for you.
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I agree. That’s what I did for my mom’s memorial. I also didn’t know how many would show. Cold cuts, rolls/breads, salads, condiments, soft drinks.
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Old 05-25-2018, 12:55 PM   #7
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What a beautiful sounding setting you've chosen for Shrek's memorial, Princess. Calm, peaceful, and out in nature.

I tend to agree with Kay and MsM - maybe a spiral ham, a variety of sliced cheese, breads or rolls, a few condiments....You'll want to be as free and relaxed as possible to visit with family and friends. With 16 family members, they could probably have the salads, chips, and all the other sides covered.

The last event similar to this I attended, there were a lot of leftovers. Anticipating that, the host brought a roll of aluminum foil and picked up several disposable containers from the Dollar store for guests to take home some of the leftovers if they wanted. Also, extra Dollar store serving utensils are nice to have on hand - people often bring food, but sometimes forget to bring serving spoons.

There was also a nice, blank journal and pen on one of the tables for the guests to write a little something about their friend if they wanted, at their leisure. I thought that was a nice touch - the host not only had written memories of their beloved, but also about his friends who loved him as well.
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Old 05-25-2018, 01:17 PM   #8
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That sounds like a fitting and lovely memorial.

My go-to for these types of events is something that can be made in bulk, rather than individually cooked. Foods like pulled pork, sloppy joes, or even cold sandwich meats, are what I usually try to do. And if there are leftovers, these types of foods, along with the sandwich buns/rolls freeze well to use at a later date. For this reason, I always prefer to err on the side of making too much.
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Old 05-25-2018, 02:35 PM   #9
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I think the PF plans of hamburgers, polish dogs and hot dogs, tater salad, coleslaw sound good. Great for a picnic/campground setting.

As for "keeping it easy as possible," that can work best for some, but others may find "staying busy" in the days before the memorial is more therapeutic. So, do whatever works for you, PF.

I agree that people will likely bring food, and you may end up with more food than can be eaten. Is there a way to set up and RSVP email addy, say on gmail? That would give you some estimate of the number of people coming. I've done that before -- set up a gmail addy just for one event.

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Old 05-25-2018, 03:03 PM   #10
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+3 (is that right?)

If this were me I would:
1)Delegate, delegate, delegate (don't bog yourself down)
2)Have a buffet of make-your-own sandwiches, along with salads/sides and condiments
3)In my notice in the local newspaper, I'd be specific with times, ie "...memorial at xx:xx time, lunch at xx:xx time, please bring a dessert or salad to share as well BYOB..."
For me, I would have enough food to choke a horse and whatever is leftover like Cheryl said, send folks home with leftovers or even make a donation to the local food bank in memory of Shrek...

For my Father's memorial, we had an open house at home; I think it was something like 2-5p (after the late morning service at the memorial park by our house).
It was a luncheon setting with those nice rolls from Costco, that come in those huge bags and assorted cold cuts (made up from the deli counter at the market, no fuss-no muss) and cheeses, condiments and a coupla trays of assorted sweets from the bakery. We rented a big coffee urn and had buckets of soft drinks on ice, paper goods and large trash cans stationed around the house.
Sister and I were responsible for watching that the food tables were stocked, BIL was on trash duty and DH was our host & greeter... I had Mom parked in the living room on the sofa with a stiff drink in her hand at all times.

I do really wish that I could be there to hold your hand, along with I'm sure a slew of people who love you dearly. I send you peace friend.
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Old 05-25-2018, 05:48 PM   #11
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Thanks folks, lots to think about. The main guests, the kids, will be arriving to the area by plane and rental cars. Most of the family members are SO's or kids that don't cook. I think the sandwich idea is good. I will be keeping everything in a cooler, I am a tent camper, no electricity at the campground. There will be a big fire...that's why I considered the burgers and dogs. It's also what Shrek would enjoy.


Shrek was in his 70's, so are his friends. I only know of one that has a computer. Local paper will reach most of his friends. Family already know. Just don't know how many of those that read the paper will show up. Decisions, decisions.


Pulled pork, now that I could get behind.
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Old 05-25-2018, 06:07 PM   #12
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Hugs, hugs and more hugs for you, Princess

Is there someone you can designate to man the grill? That would allow you to mingle more. If a few people can come early to help, you can cook some burgers and dogs ahead of time and keep them warm in big aluminum pans with Sterno. This is not the time to cater to doneness and preferences

Big pan of pre-made baked beans (or churros beans if your crowd prefers that), salads, brownies, lemon brownies, maybe some whole fruit in a big basket. People who are driving can pick up chips and dips and drinks. Maybe someone local can bring deviled eggs.

It will work out and it will be beautiful. Love you.
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Old 05-25-2018, 08:15 PM   #13
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I wouldn't worry too much about quantity just pick a number and go with it.

For some reason, the loaves and fishes routine always seems to kick in and things have a way of working out.

Focus on your time with Shrek, family, and friends.

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Old 05-25-2018, 11:16 PM   #14
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Many hugs and much love to you, PF. Whatever you end up doing, I hope the day gives you strength and fond remembrances of how many people loved Shrek.

I have no specific suggestions other than to echo the KIS mantra. In spite of your desire to feed and nurture your and Shrek's friends, you need this time for you to reminisce. Since Subway probably doesn't deliver to the wilderness, Steve's pulled pork suggestion would be my choice. Tater salad, slaw, etc would be yummy sides, too.

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...I am a tent camper, no electricity at the campground...
Just so long as the "facilities" are more advanced than cat holes, I'd be OK with that. Well, my younger self was OK with that.
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Old 05-26-2018, 02:20 AM   #15
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Many hugs and much love to you, PF. Whatever you end up doing, I hope the day gives you strength and fond remembrances of how many people loved Shrek.

I have no specific suggestions other than to echo the KIS mantra. In spite of your desire to feed and nurture your and Shrek's friends, you need this time for you to reminisce. Since Subway probably doesn't deliver to the wilderness, Steve's pulled pork suggestion would be my choice. Tater salad, slaw, etc would be yummy sides, too.


Just so long as the "facilities" are more advanced than cat holes, I'd be OK with that. Well, my younger self was OK with that.

I think I'll end up sleeping in the truck, it's a crew cab. That way I don't have to try to get up off the ground.


I am leaning more towards pulled pork. I can leave it plain and folks can add their own sauce. That means my parents and I can eat without worrying about added sugars. And burgers/dogs are hard to eat without a bun.
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Old 05-26-2018, 02:46 AM   #16
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Thanks folks, lots to think about. The main guests, the kids, will be arriving to the area by plane and rental cars. Most of the family members are SO's or kids that don't cook. I think the sandwich idea is good. I will be keeping everything in a cooler, I am a tent camper, no electricity at the campground. There will be a big fire...that's why I considered the burgers and dogs. It's also what Shrek would enjoy.
We have similar backgrounds in this area. I've been camping since I was 12. Early in life, and into my thirties, it was backpacking with a tent. I still have my Walrus tent, and other gear. I've used it a couple of times in the last few years. I just get up a little slower in the morning. Well, a lot slower.

On topic, food tastes better in the wilderness, especially when camping. I'm sure you know that. A good beef hot dog cooked over hot coals is haute cuisine in the fresh air around a campfire. Some marshmallows and sticks will keep the kids happy. Plus, Shrek liked that kind of food. I agree with an earlier poster that recommended food that Shrek liked. It's a memorial, so why not serve the stuff he would want to eat if he was there?

Definitely delegate responsibilities to some family and friends. As already said, you will be very busy with hugs and conversations on that day. Get someone to man the grill, and a few people to deal with keeping things well stocked and the trash gathered. I wish I could be there, because I'm good at that kind of thing. But, I'm sure you know plenty of people with outdoor skills, and are as good as I am at keeping a celebration on the tracks. And, IMHO, a memorial is a celebration of someone's life.

Follow your heart and your instincts, and get a few people around you who can carry out a plan. I think you were on the right track in your original post. At the end of the day, if you can say to yourself that Shrek would have enjoyed this, nothing else matters.

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Old 05-26-2018, 11:04 AM   #17
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If you are concerned about how much food to have on hand, you can always feed the family first before the memorial with your BBQ etc. Then have some snacky type things on hand for after the ceremony. The folks coming to the memorial will want to talk about Shrek. They are coming for him, not the food. If the ceremony isn't until 2pm, that's (IMO) long after lunch and way before supper so light fare after the ceremony would be fine. Some fruit and cheeses, crackers, popcorn, cookies, etc. My condolences to you sweet Princess. Praying for you and yours.
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Old 05-26-2018, 07:17 PM   #18
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Well...the food question has been taken out of my hands. My step-daughter has taken it over.


Thanks for all your suggestions and advice.
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Old 05-26-2018, 07:28 PM   #19
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Well...the food question has been taken out of my hands. My step-daughter has taken it over.


Thanks for all your suggestions and advice.


Sounds like a good kid, ya better hang on to her!!!
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Old 05-26-2018, 07:41 PM   #20
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Sounds like a good kid, ya better hang on to her!!!
Well, as long as she is not a Southern Baptist vegan. No meat and no booze would not be the kind of memorial I would like when I pass on.

Once again, PF, I hope this will be a great day with lots of funny stories and laughter. I never had the pleasure of meeting Shrek, but I know I would like my memorial to be a good party. I hope my closest friends wake up the next day with a little bit of a hangover.

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