Pot Luck

[Claire]

Now, I have to tell you. I come from definitley lower-middle-class people. I'm a Sergeant's daughter, a retired officer's wife. I'm used to "making do". Well, we've started a bunch for brunch, where we all contribute. Well, now our newest members are getting out of control. They're making the entire brunch, and it is fancy. The host was supposed to just do the main dish, and everyone else bring the rest. Now I feel like I'm going to some fancy thing. And MY HUSBAND started this, and he doesn't even want to go. This all because two couples we invited to join don't get the concept of "potluck".

The entire point is that no one person gets stuck with all the work. We share. Is that unreasonable?

 

[Uncle Bob]

Clair...

How many couples in the "original bunch"??

You could invite the original members to your house and start over...don't invite the group that has high-jacked your husband's idea.

Or simply tell these folks...thank you for all of your hard work but...next time as host please prepare just the main dish...as the other members want to participate as well....Honest, polite, tactful dialog is always a winner! It may not produce the results you want...but at least you have taken the high road! The "outlaws" will make their own decisions!

 

[Shunka]

Or simply tell these folks...thank you for all of your hard work but...next time as host please prepare just the main dish...as the other members want to participate as well....Honest, polite, tactful dialog is always a winner! It may not produce the results you want...but at least you have taken the high road! The "outlaws" will make their own decisions!

I agree with this. If they don't agree, they will probably drop out of the group on their own.

 

[licia]

I don't have a problem with someone inviting us to dinner and doing the whole thing, but that is completely different than your group potluck. I think that the potluck where everyone brings something is more interesting many times. I hope you find a way to either confront the hijackers, or things work out well if you really like their company. Too bad some people change the rules when they become part of the group. Perhaps if they like it their way, they should start another group to suit them. Good luck!

 

[auntieshelly]

Claire ~ Sounds like your original idea was just perfect. Too bad things have been changed by others. Here's an idea ~ when you have the potluck at your home, set the rules clearly. Tell the others that you are making the main dish and assign specific dishes that others should bring, such as a salad, veggie, or dessert. I know that this is technically really not "potluck", but it is close and maybe it will get the original idea back on track. Also, when "the others" who overdue the potluck idea have the gathering at their homes, you might just not attend. Go to the potlucks given by those who follow your original plan. I like Uncle Bob's advice, too. Good Luck and let us know what happens.

 

[boufa06]

Claire, what I understand as your position, ie. to return to the old standard potluck principle of one dish for every participant, is very very reasonable. It is unfortunate that a great idea has been hijacked and turned into a different affair. However, there isn't much you can do about it if the majority of the group as it is at present favours the present way of doing things.

In my own opinion, the best course of action would be to start a new group where of course you can invite those that think the way you do. The thing to do a bit different the second time around would be to state very clearly and as forcefully as possible that this event is to remain a friendly get-together where the participants share the work with the objective of keeping labour and expense to a reasonable minimum while allowing time for socializing as frequently as possible. I do think that those who agree with you will stick with you too. The others can continue happily the tradition of grand affairs that your husband's original idea mutated into.

 

[auntdot]

Love potlucks, learn so much from all the great dishes everyone brings.

And they are so friendly because in a sense everyone is the host/ess.

My guess is you are not the only ones in the group who are griping.

Would talk to some other members and see if they agree and then speak to the folks who want to change the concept of your get togethers.

Nothing wrong with their concept, it just isn't yours. And would present it that way.

Sounds to me like someone has to take charge and figure out what people want, otherwise the whole thing is likely just to fall apart.

And it sounds like it would be a shame if it did.

Good luck.

 

[Claire]

Thanks for your support. Our group started with two couples and a widow friend. All on a budget. The new people were or are much wealthier than we in the original group, and they honestly do NOT "get" the concept of potluck. Don't get me wrong, when any in our group throw parties, they are lovely people who aren't trying to show the rest of us up; they're just not used to the idea the way us working class stiffs are used to doing it. I will deal with it. Part of it is my own fault. I told two widows they could join as a couple. So today each is making two dishes. Huh? The point is that everyone cooks. Yes, when I host I make one or two items, then call everyone and assign dishes (desert, appetizers, a salad, etc). They are not trying to show us up or anything, if they were I'd sit back and say "OK, you do it all". We're an unconventional group to begin with. The new people are a pair of recent widows and a long-"married" (over 40 years) gay men. They all begged to join, and I will tallk to them all. Everyone DOES get the concept of bringing a bottle of champagne to the feast!!!

I honestly didn't realize that some people seriously don't know what potluck means.