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Old 08-25-2006, 07:55 PM   #51
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Thank you all for your concerns!!

Yes, he MUJST have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.

But I'll STILL give him encouragement. He's never told me that I'm the reason that he drinks. But this will be the biggest test of all, I think. Will he be able to stop drinking? Time will tell.


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Old 08-25-2006, 08:16 PM   #52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Corey123
Thank you all for your concerns!!

Yes, he MUJST have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.

But I'll STILL give him encouragement. He's never told me that I'm the reason that he drinks. But this will be the biggest test of all, I think. Will he be able to stop drinking? Time will tell.


~Corey123.
Never stop encouraging him.....DO NOT berate him about his drinking....it just makes it worse.
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Old 08-25-2006, 08:27 PM   #53
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I DO plan to continue to encourage him, and I have no intention whatsoever of berating or trash-talking him about his drinking.

One thing that I WON'T do is to berate him. That would defeat the whole purpose of the help from me that he will continue to need and appreciate!! I'd NEVER want him angry with me!!

I've said things to him in a friendly calm manner in a way so that he listens and understands me with patience and care. I've kindly let him know that he may make a few mistakes, and that I'd NEVER degrade or belittle him.

He knows deeply, that I will help him try to improve on his bad points while helping him boost his moral and self-confidence.


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Old 08-25-2006, 08:47 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by mjohnson
To Corey123, I am a wife of an ex-alcholic. We have been married for 32 years. We have known each other since high school. We got married when we were both 22 years old. My husband was drinking form the start of our marriage, and as the years went by he progressed to a full blown alcholic drinking soon as his eyes opened till he closed them at night!!!. I got tired of his drinking, tired of being his mother, babying him making excuses for him... I could go on and on. I told him I would no longer put up with his drinking, that I loved him and would always love him but I was through with him (I had gotten up that morning and packed his clothes, they were sitting at the front door) He looked at me and asked what was going on, I told him I meant what I said go get some help!!!! he went to a V.A hospital that day.....He slipped a couple of times before he finally got clean, but that has been over 14 years ago!!!!!! we are still together and life couldn't be sweeter!!!!! So corey do as Chef june said, step back as an enabler and be firm if he wants you as a friend ( which you truly are, he has to do this on his on, when he's ready, he's got to be ready to do it) Keep the faith Corey... if he cannot help his self you have got to step away!!!!! so that you can keep your own sanity!!!! I hope this gives you some hope,... tough love... , tough love. Take it from someone whose been there.


Sorry to hear that you were pushed to your breaking point, but I could NEVER do that to my friend if he were living with me. I just don't have the heart to!!

It would truly hurt me more to even try it!!


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Old 08-25-2006, 09:23 PM   #55
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Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..

Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things..

You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.
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Old 08-25-2006, 09:30 PM   #56
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Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..

Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things..

You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.
You can be kind but you must stand your ground and be firm. No negotiations. I am not only an alcoholic but an experienced Psychiatric Nurse and Substance Abuse Counselor.
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Old 08-25-2006, 10:57 PM   #57
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exactly my thoughts!
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Old 08-25-2006, 11:23 PM   #58
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before you dive into alcoholics anonymous and it's sister programs i URGE you to check out these sites.

AA is not what it seems and it boasts extremely poor success rates. this is not opinion, this is documented fact.


http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-aalies.html
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Old 08-26-2006, 05:26 AM   #59
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I HAVE ALREADY shown him and his girlfriend some tough love.

But still, I have to see how he does - and every opportunity that's out there that would help him be successful against reverting back to his old ways, he should look into. I WILL try to explain that to him. If he wants to kick the drinking habit for good, there's everything out there at his disposal. It's to his advantage.

I'll STILL be there for him to support and encourage him though. And praise him when he does good. But I just can't turn my back on him. This is a very crucial time for him, and to just throw him out to the wolves now, that is not the answer.

It's gonna take some time, paqtience, love, frienship, understanding, talk and guidance to help him get through this. As they say in cases like this, Time heals all wounds.

Alcoholics sometimes feel like they are not loved - like they don't have a friend in the world, mainly because of some of society's stereo-types who think that it won't happen to them or their friends or loved ones. Not trying to say that any of you guys are. But like I said in earlier posts, I've dealt with alcoholics before, most of my adult life, became friends with some of them, helped them overcome their addictions and gave them some sound advice.

My friend Daquan is one of the many classic zillions of people who became victims of alcohol abuse. I made a deal with him that as long as he tries to get help and gets on the road to recovery, that I would try to do everything humanly possible to help him. And so far, he's been showing me that he wants to
seek help and treatment against this sometimes complex and sad illness.

And BTW, the doctor at the emergency room the other day told him that he drank so much that the alcohol ate up just about all of the nutrition that was in his body. So, in addition to his excessive drinking, he also has to try to rebuild his nutritional value back up to where it should be. This was due, in part, because he ate very little food and drowned himself in huge alcohol consumptions.

But in NO WAY am I going to leave or abandon him. I'm in too deep with helping him get the help that he should have tried to get several years ago. But also, if he has anything on his side, it's time and a very good friend standing with him for whom he can get brotherly love, help and continued support from.


~Corey123.
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Old 08-27-2006, 11:50 AM   #60
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Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeraBlue
Sometimes a short and sweet answer is a good way to go...so I'll say this: By all means, remain friends if that is possible, but you really should leave the help your friend needs to the professionals. It's natural for you to want to help your friend, but wanting to help and actually being able to help are two entirely different things. Don't permit yourself the luxury of thinking that you are the one who can cure him. More than likely, you are wrong.


Never once did I think or say that I, alone, can cure him.

I know that he needs professional help. I can only SUGGEST, PERSUADE, CONVINCE AND ENCOURAGE him to try to get that help.

His first step was ADMITTING that he's an alcoholic, which he has done. His 2nd step is trying to get the help, which he has started getting. His 3rd step is continuing on with the help, counsiling, theropy or whatever else are the powers that be.

And his fourth step, the one that will probably be his toughest of all, is willpower. He MUST have that in order to stay off his alcohol addiction, if his desire is to win that goal.

His girlfriend wants him to stop drinking - claiming that it makes him sick. It does, but SHE is no better off than he is because she, herself, drinks like a fish. She needs some serious help - more than he does, I think. She likes to drink, and then when she has a few, she starts arguing for no reason at all, bringing up stuff that happened with him or me in the past. Stuff that was put to rest, but she flatly refuses to let sleeping dogs lie!!

She started picking a fight with me, and I just left. She needs to go for some serious treatment because drinking poisons her mind as well!!! I know that she doesen't mean it, but how many times am I going to put up with that?

She's so deathly afraid that her boyfriend will go back to his old ways and she won't give him a chance to see what he'll do, or be like when he gets out of detox, yet and still, it's friggen ok for HER to drink like there's no tomorrow!! Go figure.

She gets drunk, then she starts getting or feeling insecure about Daquan, knowing **** well that he cares deeply about her!!! She keeps on accusing ME of planning to have him back over to my apartment so that he can drink alcohol and get drunk again when she really DOESN'T even know how things will work out with him yet!

And BTW, the money Daquan gave her yesterday when we went to visit him at detox, to buy something to eat, she pissed it away on "nips"!!! She just can't stop drinking at all!! Even though she keeps on saying that she will. Claims that she can stop without professional help? That's so not gonna happen!!! I truly hope that Daquan cracks down on her and gives her an ultimatum. Either she try to get help or he walks!! She seriously needs to stop her wild drinking!!!


~Corey123.
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