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Old 09-08-2006, 10:50 AM   #71
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He's still holding his own though, I'm very pleased to say!!.

Last night was a test. On the way home from work last night, I purposely made a stop to a liquor store to get two 40-oz bottles of Budweiser. I stopped at him and his girlfriend's place.

I sat up with him, talking to him until the wee hours of the morning. We touched on a lot of subjects - from his troubled past to the present.

AND NOT ONCE DID HE EVER BECOME ENTICED TO START DRINKING ANY OF THE BEER!! He drank soda and water instead. I told him that I'm amazed at the fact that he never even wanted any of the beer. I told him that it was a test to really see just how much willpower he has!

He said he knew, deep down, that I was testing him out to see how much willpower he has. He also told me that he won't go to the AA meetings right away because the people who have had bouts with alcoholism will start trying to put the subject back into his head again on drinking to excess.

We must take things one day at a time. I can't rush him or try to make him go to one sooner, or he may rebel against me, and I don't want that to happen. As for the smoking, yes, he'll probably quit it. But things have to be worked out so that in time, he'll wake up and smell the coffee.


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Old 09-08-2006, 05:10 PM   #72
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corey123

I am very glad that your friend is doing better. I had a old boyfriend who was an alcoholic but would not admit to it.

I tried time after time to get some help. I even tried getting him into a 12 Step Program but he kept saying that having 5 or 6 drinks when he got home from work was normal. On the weekends he didn't stop drinking.

Again corey I am so happy for your friend.
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Old 09-09-2006, 01:04 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mish
Corey, with all due respect, you are very misguided. It has been mentioned here that you are an enabler. I reserved my judgement and opinions, but since everyone here has given you theirs, here's mine. Go to a coda meeting. Your friend got out of detox, went back to living with an alcoholic girlfirend, won't go to a support group, and you want to entice him/test the waters, and now you want him to give up smoking.

I followed your posts, and hoped to read that your friend followed up with an aftercare plan - i.e. he is living in a sober living house - and with your friendship - prior to his coming back to cohabitating with an addict - you might volunteer to put his belongings in storeage & help finalize his rental agreement (if he was renting) - and move in with a relative or sleep on your couch if need be.

Putting temptation in front of him, and expecting him to give up smoking or anything else, after getting out of medical detox, & making up your own steps is all about you - not your friend. Trained professionals here have given you advice, but you want to run the show. LET GO!!!

There are outpatient programs, partial hospitalization programs, many avenues for recovery. You are hurting your friend - not helping him - and making him dependent on you and your tests & opinions of what he should do. You are NOT a trained professional.

This is a friendly forum, and many topics of life have been brought up/discussed here. Observation, your post had a lightbulb - re ideas - re this topic, but reading your posts, you already have your own ideas and what is right for another person.

You and many people may have lived with a person or known a person with an addiction - suffering from substance abuse/food/overeating/sex/neurosis/tobacco/prescription drugs, etc. It is up to the individual to want to make a change, not up to you to decide what is in the best interests of anyone but yourself.


You're trying to make is sound like I'm using him to make only ME look good and not him. How dare you talk to me likat that!! That is an outrageous lie!

I think you got your stuff wrong, some of it, at least. I NEVER ONCE said that I want to entice him, and I can't make him leave his girlfriend if he doesn't want to. Where else can he go to live, back out in the streets? He doesn't get much money, as he's on a very limited income and he can't afford an apartment all by himself right now.

Sure, he can stay with me if he wants to, but he wants to try to work things out with his girlfriend now.

I'm trying to HELP him make the changes, not make or force him to make the changes. When did I ever say that I was a trained professional? Please stop putting words in my mouth. Stop accusing me of running the show.

And how in the **** is it all just about me? You sound very disallussioned! I never once said or thought for even so much as for one minute to take all of the thunder for myself only, so please be careful what you say and stay in line.

I'm really trying to help him, not hurt him. And he knows this, because he can't stop thanking me enough. AND FOR THE LAST TIME, HE DID NOT TOUCH ANY ALCOHOL AT ALL SO FAR, SINCE HE CAME OUT OF DETOX!!!

So please stop this badgering.


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Old 09-12-2006, 11:27 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shpj4
I am very glad that your friend is doing better. I had a old boyfriend who was an alcoholic but would not admit to it.

I tried time after time to get some help. I even tried getting him into a 12 Step Program but he kept saying that having 5 or 6 drinks when he got home from work was normal. On the weekends he didn't stop drinking.

Again corey I am so happy for your friend.


Thank you so much for those kind words!

And yes, he IS doing very well!! He's tired of having to go through life being scrutinized and having to urinate in a cup to check his alcohol level.

I hope sincerely, that he's turned over a new lease on life and has thought better of himself!! I commend him everyday on his amazing willpower to keep his guard up and for not letting alcohol entice him back into his old ways!!!
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Old 09-13-2006, 12:04 AM   #75
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I am sorry you are upset. I think you misunderstood. I have deleted the post, and wish you and your friend all the best. I recently lost a friend to alcoholism, and it still hurts.
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Old 09-13-2006, 12:44 AM   #76
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I'm so sorry to hear that you've recently lost a friend to alcoholism. Please accept my most sincere condolences during this most difficult time for you. I'm also sorry that I got upset with you. I didn't really mean to.

I lost a brother to the disease almost two years ago. But he also was a diabetic as well and ate very unhealthy food, also ( too many starches and sweets).

I might have misunderstood your post, but I was upset because I felt that you might have been attacking me. Daquan IS doing very well, for I don't want to lose him to any dreaded diseases.

Though it may be hard for his girlfriend to see the light, I hope that he can in some way convince her to make some drastic changes as well.

She is suffering from resperitory problems. Him and I think that it's coming from her extremely heavy smoking. She has a very chronic cough that scares the living **** out of me sometimes. It's usually in the morning that she is coughing uncontrollably.

She is supposed to go into the hospital soon and have the spot removed from her right lung. Docs still have yet to tell her just exactly what it is, since a biopsy was done on it about three weeks ago!!


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Old 09-14-2006, 06:20 PM   #77
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My friend is doing VERY WELL! He STILL has not touched any alcohol since his drying out, but as for his girlfriend, I kindly explained to him that I can no longer try to help her because she deliberately continues to drink and smoke and won't try to get help. Unless she goes out and tries to seek professional help, which she does not seem to be willing to do.

He says that he understands, and told me that he's so glad that I helped get him out from under the clutches of alcoholism. He says that he feels very good about himself and not being drunk any more. But if anything happens to his girlfriend, I think he'll be so heartbroken!! I sincerely hope that nothing happens to her.

But If it ever does, I must be there to try to console and comfort him. She may have to have half of her right lung removed. We're not completely sure yet, but it may have to be done. It's from her heavy smoking addiction for many, many, many years. I would hate to find out how her liver is doing!!


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Old 09-14-2006, 07:43 PM   #78
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I have a friend whose daughter (still in her 30's) passed away about a year ago from alcoholism. I never even knew she drank, but hadn't seen her in a few years. It was really sad. She had two kids who are being raised by their grandparents. I wish all the ads for alcohol had to be accompanied by visuals of the heartbreak that can result from excessive drinking.
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Old 09-15-2006, 04:58 AM   #79
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I'm so sorry to hear of that. My condolences go out to you for your friend's daughter.

Alcoholism is a very terrible disease that's as bad as cancer or AIDS, and even though there is no known cure as yet for AIDS, I hope that anyone who has an alcoholic in their life, be it a friend, spouse or family member, I suggest that that person try to get some help for the victim.

But at the same time, the victim of the abuse MUST want to try to get some professional help for himself or herself as well. Otherwise trying to help the victim won't work.

But I'm so glad that my dear friend now sees the light and has woken up and smelled the coffee!!! I commmend him very honorably for his bravery against the perils of the disease of alcohol abuse!

He now wants to start anew and work toward accomplishing some of the goals that he missed out on before because of his once severe chronic alcohol addiction. And I'm so proud to say that I will still continue to support and be there for him. He's just like a brother to me now - like the one whom I had and lost so tragically!!


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Old 10-31-2006, 02:03 PM   #80
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Just wanted to say that my husband & I have been members of twelve step programs for many years now and it doesn't matter if you are and atheist, a devout Chritian, a Muslim or a Wiccan, AA or any other program is for you. Your higher power does not have to be God in a Christian sense. It can be the program itself. Anyone and everyone is welcome!
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