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Old 09-26-2008, 05:49 AM   #2121
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There is a lot of stress in my life right now. My husband's mother is not doing well, she has dementia, my mother who lives with us has short term memory loss and a mild form of senility (dementia). Every night I make it a point to cook dinner for a household of 5 people. Every night my mother asks if she can have what I've made. Every night I say "yes, Mom I always make enough for everyone." Well I ate and sat and watched a little T.V. while everyone else had a chance to finish, about 30 minutes or so. I walk in the kitchen to clean up and put away the leftovers and she walks in and asks me, "what am I gonna eat for dinner?". I lost it. Between the stress of caring for an elderly (82 yrs old) parent and worrying about how my husband is feeling with his mom in bad shape and financial worries, etc... I blew up at her, I started yelling so loud my throat still hurts. I got done yelling and went to my room and sat on my bed. All of a sudden I feel these arms wrap around me. It was my 12 year old son. He didn't say anything, I could hear him sniffling a little bit, but he didn't say a word, just held me. I truely have the most wonderful child ever. After I calmed down I explained to him that mommy has been really stressed and I shouldn't have yelled, and gramma can't help it. Then I started telling him about things that Gramma and I use to do together and how she wasn't always this way. He relpied with, "Gramma sounded like she was a lot of fun back then."
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Old 09-26-2008, 07:41 AM   #2122
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Lovely story - you have a great son.
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Old 09-26-2008, 07:41 AM   #2123
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Originally Posted by getoutamykitchen View Post
There is a lot of stress in my life right now. My husband's mother is not doing well, she has dementia, my mother who lives with us has short term memory loss and a mild form of senility (dementia). Every night I make it a point to cook dinner for a household of 5 people. Every night my mother asks if she can have what I've made. Every night I say "yes, Mom I always make enough for everyone." Well I ate and sat and watched a little T.V. while everyone else had a chance to finish, about 30 minutes or so. I walk in the kitchen to clean up and put away the leftovers and she walks in and asks me, "what am I gonna eat for dinner?". I lost it. Between the stress of caring for an elderly (82 yrs old) parent and worrying about how my husband is feeling with his mom in bad shape and financial worries, etc... I blew up at her, I started yelling so loud my throat still hurts. I got done yelling and went to my room and sat on my bed. All of a sudden I feel these arms wrap around me. It was my 12 year old son. He didn't say anything, I could hear him sniffling a little bit, but he didn't say a word, just held me. I truely have the most wonderful child ever. After I calmed down I explained to him that mommy has been really stressed and I shouldn't have yelled, and gramma can't help it. Then I started telling him about things that Gramma and I use to do together and how she wasn't always this way. He relpied with, "Gramma sounded like she was a lot of fun back then."
This is something that can fast and easily happen. Kades can relate to this one too. She went through something very similar. What I didn't read and would like to know, did you go to your mother and talk to her. Set her mind at ease also? I know stress can cause many many problems and cause angry words, but, after cooling down, please tell me you went to her too.This is not easy for her either.
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Old 09-26-2008, 08:12 AM   #2124
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This is something that can fast and easily happen. Kades can relate to this one too. She went through something very similar. What I didn't read and would like to know, did you go to your mother and talk to her. Set her mind at ease also? I know stress can cause many many problems and cause angry words, but, after cooling down, please tell me you went to her too.This is not easy for her either.
Actually she came to my room while my son was still there and appoligized. I appoligized also, then we kinda stayed in our separate corners. The thing is though when she wakes up this morning she won't remember yesterday, that's how bad her memory is. I just need to remember that she is not the same person and she needs to be told the same things everyday and 99% of the time I do. This was just myself having a weak moment. You see I'm the only one of her 4 children that is willing to take care of her. I have 1 brother who hasn't seen her since 1991, my other brother lives right next door and takes her out maybe once a month for about an hour and then there's my sister who lives with us and has only taken her out to the grocery store 1 time in the last year or longer. I'm with my mom 24/7 and I just can't depend on my siblings to help out.
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Old 09-26-2008, 08:21 AM   #2125
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Actually she came to my room while my son was still there and appoligized. I appoligized also, then we kinda stayed in our separate corners. The thing is though when she wakes up this morning she won't remember yesterday, that's how bad her memory is. I just need to remember that she is not the same person and she needs to be told the same things everyday and 99% of the time I do. This was just myself having a weak moment. You see I'm the only one of her 4 children that is willing to take care of her. I have 1 brother who hasn't seen her since 1991, my other brother lives right next door and takes her out maybe once a month for about an hour and then there's my sister who lives with us and has only taken her out to the grocery store 1 time in the last year or longer. I'm with my mom 24/7 and I just can't depend on my siblings to help out.
That is horrible of your siblings!!
There is NO excuse for it !! It is their MOTHER for goodness sake! I wish I had my mother to even talk to!! You are a good person for the care you are giving her. Yes, it's stressful and you have the right to lash out when you need. You will have the light heart when she is gone, knowing you took care of her and made her last years good, not your siblings. They will have to deal with, " I should have.......", when you will be able to smile and say, "I'm glad that I.....".
I didn't mean to make light of your situation or throw accusations and if it sounded like I was, I'm very sorry, that is not what I meant. I wanted to know because of knowing what it's like when you don't make things right and how it feels to lash out like that when stressed and wishing it can be taken back. I know that feeling all too well
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Old 09-26-2008, 08:26 AM   #2126
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That is horrible of your siblings!!
There is NO excuse for it !! It is their MOTHER for goodness sake! I wish I had my mother to even talk to!! You are a good person for the care you are giving her. Yes, it's stressful and you have the right to lash out when you need. You will have the light heart when she is gone, knowing you took care of her and made her last years good, not your siblings. They will have to deal with, " I should have.......", when you will be able to smile and say, "I'm glad that I.....".
I didn't mean to make light of your situation or throw accusations and if it sounded like I was, I'm very sorry, that is not what I meant. I wanted to know because of knowing what it's like when you don't make things right and how it feels to lash out like that when stressed and wishing it can be taken back. I know that feeling all too well
Oh no, I didn't take it that way at all and your right about my siblings. They are gonna have to look in the mirror one day after moms gone and know they should have done more. But I will know that I did everything I could for her.
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Old 09-26-2008, 08:27 AM   #2127
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No let's get back to what made us smile!
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Old 09-26-2008, 10:43 AM   #2128
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No let's get back to what made us smile!
Yes sweetie and YOU can grin, you are taking on a big job..Mom had dementia, and it was so hard, she would as the same question over and over, like she was imprinting it on her mind.Enjoy your mom as much as you can NOW eventually you will need to find a home where they can watch them every minute..They tend to wander and get lost..Right now your mom knows you and you will still see flashes of the mommy you knew..Store all the memories and you will have them later on..There are meds that can help memory, but they can be dangerous..So weight that possibility carefuly If you need to cry or vent you can PM me anytime and we can talk..I know just how hard this is and I also know, you need a day away from it now and again..It will save yo and your mom hurt like last night..Bless your heart and your son, you have a wonderful little man there.Smile and make today shine.
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Old 09-26-2008, 11:08 AM   #2129
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My wonderful Hubby told me last night that while he is proud of me for tackling simple meals and jobs around the house, the important things are my exercises, appointments and rest. He said if I can't do more than that then it is totally fine with him and he will pick up the slack. He said that he and our border are capable of doing meals, laundry and dishes and if the house is a little messy for a couple of weeks, who cares....what is important to him is that I get strong and pain free and the rest will come.

I was smiling through incredible tears of joy and relief. How did I deserve such a wonderful man.
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Old 09-26-2008, 11:10 AM   #2130
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BTDT and still going through it now. I have my mom in an assisted living facility because she is also in a wheel chair and we have too many steps for her to have come here to stay. I knew she would get better care than I would be able to provide for her. I visit her 3-4 times a week and she cries and asks why don't I visit her more often, she just doesn't remember things from one day to the next. It's been really hard. I have days like you and just come home and have a good cry to let out the frustration! My ds (18) is my rock....he always seems to sense when I need that "suck the air out of me hug". He remembers the good times he used to have with his grandmother, which puts a smile on my face and I treasure that.
I also have 3 other siblings that don't seem to bother either. One brother lives 4 hrs. away in Dayton and another lives 6 hrs. away in Indiana and they haven't been back home since June when my grandmother passed away. They don't even call. My oldest brother who lives in St. Louis calls all the time, gives me support, calls my mom and sends her cards to lift her spirits but I'm still the only one here to do everything. I treasure the times I can spend with my mom, I know before too long she won't know who I am.
Sometimes you just need to step back and breathe and know that you're not alone even if it seems like that sometimes.
Sometimes the youngest members of the family have more insight and that's when you can see the big picture.
I hope that made sense. PM me if you need to talk out your frustrations. I care.

Barb
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