Amusing Food Stories

[vitauta]

when i was first married, i could barely put together a meal of hot dogs and canned beans. we kept little in the fridge besides beer and sodas. my husband was very tolerant and laid back about the whole situation - it was what it was....however, one thing the man had a habit of doing, something i guess a lot of men do (for no reason i've ever understood) - he would swing open the refrigerator door, wide open, now, just stand there - staring real hARd and Lonngg into that near empty fridge, like he was mesmerized. a friend who happened by just then, asked him "what are you looking for in there, anyways?" unflappable as ever hubby just shook his head and went, "Hell Man, where's the mayonnaise?" the room erupted~beers all around....

 

[joesfolk]

I got to reading over this thread and laughed all over again. It reminded me of this one. Many, many years ago when my mother was young she was upset with her brother. Now in those days when you got vacinated the shot left a large scab on the upper arm. Well her brother had just such a scab that was well on its way to healing. But at breakfast that morning my mother watched as her brothers scab fell off his arm and right into his bowl of corn flakes. Now as I said, my mother was upset with him. So, as was very like my mother, she just sat there quietly as he finished his whole bowl of corn flakes. Don't tell this story to anyone who is actively eating anythig!

 

[joesfolk]

I'm wondering why this thread didn't pop up in the "latest forum topics" section after I posted the last entry. Anyone know? I'd like to read more stories.

 

[purple.alien.giraffe]

When we still lived in SoCal when I was about 7 or 8 I remember going over to my grandparents' house for a big family get-together in the summer. My grandmother rounded up all of us kids and told us to make sure to stay out of the strawberries in the fridge because she was making dessert with them. Throughout the day we'd occasionally get rounded up again and scolded because there were strawberries missing. We all swore none of us had snitched any. When she'd finally had enough she made us all line up and smelled each of our breaths to see who was eating the strawberries. When none of us had strawberry breath she yelled for my grandfather and demanded that he let her smell his breath. Sure enough, grandpa was the one sneaking strawberries. My grandmother is 4'10". My grandfather was 5'11". When my grandmother let out an accusatory "Ah ha!", my grandfather ran.

 

[dcSaute]

I'm wondering why this thread didn't pop up in the "latest forum topics" section after I posted the last entry. Anyone know? I'd like to read more stories.

I think because you posted it, it's considered "read" and does not show up in the "New Posts" listing - try a "Today's Post" click under Quick Links - my bet it shows . . . . showed up as "New" for me....

 

[joesfolk]

When we still lived in SoCal when I was about 7 or 8 I remember going over to my grandparents' house for a big family get-together in the summer. My grandmother rounded up all of us kids and told us to make sure to stay out of the strawberries in the fridge because she was making dessert with them. Throughout the day we'd occasionally get rounded up again and scolded because there were strawberries missing. We all swore none of us had snitched any. When she'd finally had enough she made us all line up and smelled each of our breaths to see who was eating the strawberries. When none of us had strawberry breath she yelled for my grandfather and demanded that he let her smell his breath. Sure enough, grandpa was the one sneaking strawberries. My grandmother is 4'10". My grandfather was 5'11". When my grandmother let out an accusatory "Ah ha!", my grandfather ran.

Your story reminded me of an incident that happened many years ago. My brothers family and my family were spending the day at my folks house for some unremembered reason, or for no reason at all. My brother mentioned that there was a plastic tub full of strawberries in the fridge and that I should be sure to get some. Then later in the day he mentioned it again, and yet again. By that time I knew that something must be up. Finally just to get hime to shut up about it I went to the fridge and extracted the bowl. Knowing my family as I do I opened the bowl very carefully. Inside was a good quart of great big juicy looking...earthworms.

 

[vitauta]

my best friend and i were touring a vineyard and doing a wine tasting. it was the first one for both of us. we were gathered in a semi-circle around the tour guide who had five or six wines lined up for our tasting, and who was giving us a description of each wine, its history, grape variety and flavor aspects, before pouring us each a wine glass of it. the group of tasters included what appeared to be some experienced tasters who knew their wines and who were very familiar with wine tastings such as this one. we tried each of the wines in turn, clearing our pallets with clear water from a pitcher in between. there also was a place to dump the wine remains from your glass should you not finish it. being inexperienced, and liking all wines quite okay, i finished each of my wine servings. soon i was getting a buzz on, while the more sophisticated tasters were swirling, tasting and cleansing...i was waiting for the next wine sample when i observed my friend, in full view of this rather elite grouping, pour the remains of her wine into the pitcher she thought was the "dump" container, but which was, to the audible horror of the assembled group, the water pitcher for cleansing the pallet, containing, up until that moment, clear spring water. we did not stick around - my friend, mortified, apologizing, me, buzzed, laughing uncontrollably, out the door....

 

[PrincessFiona60]

my best friend and i were touring a vineyard and doing a wine tasting. it was the first one for both of us. we were gathered in a semi-circle around the tour guide who had five or six wines lined up for our tasting, and who was giving us a description of each wine, its history, grape variety and flavor aspects, before pouring us each a wine glass of it. the group of tasters included what appeared to be some experienced tasters who knew their wines and who were very familiar with wine tastings such as this one. we tried each of the wines in turn, clearing our pallets with clear water from a pitcher in between. there also was a place to dump the wine remains from your glass should you not finish it. being inexperienced, and liking all wines quite okay, i finished each of my wine servings. soon i was getting a buzz on, while the more sophisticated tasters were swirling, tasting and cleansing...i was waiting for the next wine sample when i observed my friend, in full view of this rather elite grouping, pour the remains of her wine into the pitcher she thought was the "dump" container, but which was, to the audible horror of the assembled group, the water pitcher for cleansing the pallet, containing, up until that moment, clear spring water. we did not stick around - my friend, mortified, apologizing, me, buzzed, laughing uncontrollably, out the door....

Gosh, we just can't take you anywhere!!!

 

[Snip 13]

I've had so many mishaps I wouldn't know where to start!
One time I was making bechamel and forgot that it was a non stick pan so I used a metal whisk and ended up with flecks of non stick coating in my sauce so I just told my guests it was black pepper
I lost my contact lens in a veggie soup and when my friend asked me what the plastic thingy was that she found I just played dumb and said it must be a bit of plastic from one of the packages the veg was in..lol!
Don't think I've had many cooking experiences when nothing happened, Murphy likes me not!

 

[Timothy]

This isn't really amusing, but when I lived on the edge of Walker Lake in Hawthorne, Nevada, USA, I had just returned from a wonderful day on the lake, and I was tired from the heat and exercise.

I put an aluminum pot on to boil and then sat on the edge of the bed to wait for it to boil. Well, I went to sleep...oh oh...

I awoke with the house THICK with smoke. Nasty smoke that was so thick I could hardly see beyond a few feet.

I crawled on the floor towards the kitchen and discovered that the pot had boiled dry and MELTED into the burner until half the pot was gone and smoke was pouring from the burner. I quickly shut the burner off and managed to get outside before collapsing into a pile of coughing dummy!

It taught me to NEVER start cooking when that tired. It also scared me half to death.