Food for an invalid

[Constance]

My ex-FIL is coming home from the hospital tomorrow, after another heart attack. His kidneys are failing...has to have dialisis...his heart is very tired and he is quite weak. He is also a diabetic, and 84 years old, but a tough old nut. Every time the doctors say he's on his last legs, he comes back.
I think the world of him, not only as my daughter's grandfather, but as a good man who has always treated me like a daughter...even after I divorced his son and remarried.
He loves my potato soup, so I plan to make him some tonight. I wonder if any of you have other ideas of good things that might tempt his appetite.

 

[pdswife]

how about some chicken noodle soup... that's what my family begs for when they are sick.

I think it's great that you're going to take care of him!

 

[amber]

My dad was in the same way with a heart attack and diabetes. We made him lots of fresh fish such as shrimp cocktail, but in the end all he really wanted was a hot dog. I wish I would have granted that wish.

 

[callie]

We watch over an elderly gentleman that lives near us. I know he doesn't have a big appetite so in addition to a main dish, I take him fresh fruit and cheese that I chop up in bite-sized pieces. I think the small size appeals to him.

 

[Ishbel]

A risotto would be good!

 

[Robo410]

There are all kinds of great things to make, but it really depends on the person and the want. Quite often the simplest item is most appreciated. The body is closing down and the brain is remembering past joys. My mom, a fabulous gourmet cook, in her last months wanted french fries, grilled cheese sandwich with bacon, tomato soup with a dash of oregano, a fresh peach, egg salad, etc. simple tasty fare. I hate to think that we deny our elderly loved ones a few simple food requests because the fat or colesterol might be bad for them, or because we think something fancier would be nicer. Just as our tastes matured as we grew older, so tastes change again toward the end. Crispy salty comfort food, simple savory items etc are very appealing.

Just my take on it, but it sure seems to make sence. So if your potato soup was a favorite, give it a try and ask what would you like??

 

[Jenny]

I know a little something about what your ex FIL is going through. There is a good chance that he really just doesn't want to eat, he may be that advanced in his disease. Often the desire for food fades. I agree with the earlier post. Whatever he wants in whatever quanitity is perfect, if he is as feeble as you believe. I am so sorry about his suffering. It's awful to watch, isn't it?

 

[kadesma]

Connie, I agree with what Jenny said in the last post.Find out his favorite foods as a younger man..I remember my dad loved not the meat from a poast, but the gravy it made, he loved it over bread,potatoes,rice, he adored fruit of any kind..After years of being heart careful, he looked longinly at eggs, bacon and toast and jam..When he began to fail, he and mom were here with me,so we through caution to the winds and he got the foods he loved..I can remember close to the end, lifting him from his wheel chair to the bed, he looked at me and pointed to some watermelon, by then he didn't speak much just short sentences and I asked you want some dad? He nodded yes, and we spent about a half hour cutting and eating that melon sitting on his bed..Shortly after, that night, he said, I love you and never said another word, he then, began to refuse food, next was water,and I had to watch him slowly leave us. Hospice was a godsend for me and so I knew and was able to get everyone there the night he left for good. I can still see even today 3 years later, the grin the night we sat and ate watermelon..Hang the diabetes, hang the heart, make the last of his days, exactly that, HIS days..Feed him the things he loves.

kadesma

 

[Michael in FtW]

In this situation I would say talk to his doctor about his diet restrictions and put it to him this way, "If this was YOUR Dad - what would you feed him?"

I know - been there, done that.

 

[marmalady]

I'm w/Michael on this - you need to talk w/his doc or a nutritionist; I know renal failure diets and diabetic diets can combine to make some pretty hefty restrictions - but once you know what the guidelines are, you can work within those to make some pretty tasty meals!

 

[Gretchen]

By all means look at dietary guidelines, particularly before feeding him potatoes. Salt will be a no no also.

 

[subfuscpersona]

Constance

My heart goes out to you. It can be difficult to know what to do for a loved one who is failing. I had the same situation with my Mom (she passed a couple of months ago).

My Mom had no dietary restrictions but over several years she gradually lost interest in food. I did cook for her but in the end she ate very little. As for your FIL, between the heart failure and the diabetes there certainly would be dietary restrictions so, like others, I think you should check with his doctor.

It is always a difficult balancing act between the quality and quantity of life. In this I think it is best to take your cues from your FIL.

With my Mom, it made me feel better to be able to *do* something. Ultimately, I remembered this line from Milton's poem On His Blindness

They also serve who only stand and wait​

Simply being there is a gift. Your undemanding company is the food of love.

 

[Constance]

Thank all of you for your kind thoughts and ideas. I don't know if FIL is going to continue dialysis or not...his son and my daughter had to talk him into it when he was in the hospital. He's had so many surgeries and treatments in the past few years, I think he's just tired and wants to go "home".
I haven't talked with his doctors, but my daughter has, and she thought the potato soup would be fine. He's awfully thin, and doesn't have any appetite. I did go light on the salt, but there's a little bacon in the soup. I know the starch turns to sugar, but I doubt he'll eat enough at a time to cause any problems. Just in case, though, I'll have her ask his doctor before they bring him home.

Thanks for the idea about the cheese and fruit. I think he'd really like that.

 

[auntdot]

A patient with congestive heart failure and kidney shutdown needing dialysis is not all that uncommon.

If it is a reasonable size hospital they should have a dietician/nutritionist (make sure the person is certified) who can help.

A previous next door neighbor has a very weak heart and is on dialysis and his wife has to very careful what she prepares.

All I can suggest is get some very professional help and do your best.

God bless.

 

[Constance]

Thank you, Aunt Dot.
They found an abcess in his stomach today, and had to take hiim into surgery to drain it. He may not be able to eat much of anything for a while.

It breaks my heart to see such a good man going through all this. They just don't make'em like him anymore. His wife has been gone for 20 years, and he nursed her through 7 years of bone cancer. He has an 8th grade education, but managed to make himself a millionare by hard work and a little luck. He, like my dad, was at Omaha Beach. My dad was a motor mac, and he was a medic.

My daughter is going to come get a container of the potato soup and put it in the fridge, hoping that he can get home in the next few days. She says ever since she told him about it, it's the one thing he's been craving.
I feel complimented by that, and even if he only eats a bite, at least I've been able to give him something that comforts him.