Helping the Bus Boy/Server in a Restaurant

[pacanis]

What's your opinion on this?

You (as part of a dinner party of two or more) are having dinner at a restaurant and you are between courses. Do you leave all the empty dishes where they are or do you collect and/or stack them to make the bus boy's or server's cleanup easier?

We ate out numerous times while on vacation the past two weeks and I observed this behavior and it has become a matter of curiosity.

What do you do?

Which behavior did you observe, leaving them as is or stacking them... or both?
I've always let them do their job if they are doing it in a timely manner. If they aren't I will move the plates out of my way, but I wouldn't say I've stacked everyone's dishes up or made their job easier....

 

[Constance]

What's your opinion on this?

You (as part of a dinner party of two or more) are having dinner at a restaurant and you are between courses. Do you leave all the empty dishes where they are or do you collect and/or stack them to make the bus boy's or server's cleanup easier?

We ate out numerous times while on vacation the past two weeks and I observed this behavior and it has become a matter of curiosity.

What do you do?

Forgive me, but I was raised by Emily Post's Etiquette book.

When you are finished with your meal, you lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate, which signals the waiter that you are done.
It is not proper to stack plates or move them around. That is his job.

You are also not supposed to say, "Thank you," when he/she brings you something. You thank him by leaving him a good tip.

Neither should you or he strike up a conversation. His job is to give you the best possible service while remaining as invisible as possible.

So, La ti da.

 

[GB]

When you are finished with your meal, you lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate, which signals the waiter that you are done.

I was taught to place my fork and knife at 5 o'clock on the plate for the same reason.

 

[darlenemt08]

We sometimes stack up the same-size plates and add the silverware on top. We then put near the edge of the table or, if our siblings & their kids are together, we put the dishes in the middle of table and put the silverware on top. We also put our napkins on top, if we're done with them. We like to make it a little easier for the waiters/waitresses. I used to waitress a little at our small-town cafe...one of a few jobs I did there besides being a cook. I didn't mind when people stacked their dishes together for me. It just made it a little easier for me to pick up. I'm short and can't reach around or over people too well sometimes. I appreciated any sort of help. The regular customers were great and knew which waiters/waitresses could do whatever.

Darlene

 

[Katie H]

Don't do any stacking here. Just push the plates to the outside edge of the table so we can converse. I, too, place my silverware at the 5 o'clock position to indicate that I'm done with that plate/dish.

I was also taught that, to signal that I'm done with the whole meal, I should lightly fold my napkin and place it at the left edge of my plate.

 

[Andy M.]

Which behavior did you observe, leaving them as is or stacking them... or both?...

Left to my own devices, I would not move any dishes around. First of all, I don't care to. Also, I see that some servers have a very specific process for laying out the dishes up their arm so they can clear an entire table. Any stacking would interfere with that process.

Connie, the era of 'invisible' help/servants is past. I think times have changed to become more relaxed and less formal. Typically, restaurant servers try to be friendly through conversation with their guests to encourage tipping.

 

[Barbara L]

...You are also not supposed to say, "Thank you," when he/she brings you something. You thank him by leaving him a good tip...

LOL There is no way I'm not going to say "Thank you" when anyone brings me something. For me, to not thank someone is to ignore the fact that they are a human being, doing me a service.

...Neither should you or he strike up a conversation. His job is to give you the best possible service while remaining as invisible as possible...

We are usually seated at the "hide them so no one has to see them" seats (we're both fat) near the kitchen, at some of the places we go (of course they don't say that), but it works out since we are pretty friendly people. James almost always starts up a conversation with our server (if they are really busy he holds back a little), and they will stay and talk as long as they can get away with it. They usually love chatting with us, and we always get great service because we are so friendly (and they, in turn, always get a great tip).

Barbara

 

[Barbara L]

Left to my own devices, I would not move any dishes around.

Really the only reason we move ours sometimes is because they are just in the way.

Barbara

 

[QSis]

You are also not supposed to say, "Thank you," when he/she brings you something.

Wow, really? Holey moley, I've been using poor etiquette all these years!!

This is one of my mother's favorite rants: she goes out for informal breakfasts or lunches with a group of former colleagues (all teachers, BTW) and she is the only one out of 8 people who says "thank you" to the servers. Makes mom crazy!

I guess I can see not saying thank you in fancy restaurants where there is a different server for every piece of cutlery and glass. But I never go to those places.

It doesn't feel right to me NOT to say "thank you". I'm a good tipper, too.

What do other wait people, past and present, say about this? Would you rather we DON'T say "thank you"????

Lee

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Maybe we're talking about different types of restaurants? I always say Thanks when my server brings me something and I talk with them, too, if they are chatty. Since I usually have kids with me, I make it a point to "police" my table so that they don't groan when they see me the next time. (I always leave a generous tip too unless the service is just terrible.) It seems to work because we are always treated like valued customers in my neighborhood restaurants. But these are not expensive or exclusive restaurants - just neighborhood, family-style places.

 

[sattie]

I have always stacked my plates, dishes, trash and what not for easy removal. Partly for me, partly for the person clearing the table. I like making things easier for the next person, no matter who they are.

 

[jpmcgrew]

If it's nice place I don't stack at a casual place I stack just because it's my nature to organize.

 

[gawillow]

I waited tables for a number of years. I automatically stack plates according to size with napkins on top and silverware in a glass.

 

[Jeff G.]

I will stack them as it reduces their interference with my meal. The longer they are there, the more the interruption..

 

[gawillow]

Forgive me, but I was raised by Emily Post's Etiquette book.

....You are also not supposed to say, "Thank you," when he/she brings you something. You thank him by leaving him a good tip.

Neither should you or he strike up a conversation. His job is to give you the best possible service while remaining as invisible as possible.

So, La ti da.

Obviously, Emily Post never visited a small diner, or the South, where good manners means that you say "Thank You" for everything. Good service means treating your server as a person. He or she is not "invisible."

 

[Barbara L]

I asked my daughter her thoughts on this. She was a server for years (managed part of that time). She said she didn't mind if they stacked them, as long as they were easy to carry away from the table. Even though etiquette says to put your silverware on the plate when you are done, Nancy said there is nothing grosser than having to pick silverware up out of half-eaten food! She said it was often easier if the plates were at the edge of the table, so she could take them without interrupting their conversation. Nancy also added that you should not ask 5 other people for something right after you have asked your server. She said give it a couple minutes. She has brought things to people's tables, only to find out they had already gotten a few of them! Finally, she said she loved talking to her customers. She had a lot of return customers, and I know that when she quit when she was pregnant with her second baby, they were really sad to see her go.

Barbara

 

[Bilby]

My cutlery at 5 o'clock, napkin on bread plate (often where it originated from), no stacking (except possibly for incidental little plates/bowls like for a sauce or olives), leave in front of me but pushed towards the centre a bit, with share plates pushed towards the edge of the table to signify its empty and needs removing. I thank everyone for everything and always try to make pleasantries with the staff, and smile a lot, unless they have already proved really incompetent or rude. Annoys me (although only slightly) when patrons try stacking at my table unless we are trying to make more room for something, although I do understand it with little kids. I will pass waitstaff empty plates to help them though but they should work out the best method for them and at some restaurants, it would be considered extremely poor taste for either the waitstaff or the patron to stack the plates, and not just silver service establishments.

 

[lyndalou]

I don't scrape and stack. I do say thank you, and I do not put my napkin on top of the plate.

 

[Uncle Bob]

Last night we ate out to celebrate my daughter's birthday/Valentines. The only thing we stacked were some small B&B plates. We were seated at a 4-Top and the server had plenty of room to bus the table after each course. We did move the bowl/plate etc. to the (each person's) corner of table to make it easier for the waiter.

Last time out were seated in a two sided cubicle of sorts. (I hated it) In this situation the server/busser could not reach two people at the table. They had to hand the waiter everything, and the waiter had to hand them their courses. The only other recourse would have been the waiter laying his body across the table while reaching across/in front of the rest of us. (I'll never go back)

So my answer is, it depends on the situation as to how much help I give a server. In general I don't like "stacking" for the server. I prefer to just move the dish to side or corner of the table and let them do their job the way they were trained (?) to do.

 

[pacanis]

Whether I'm eating at a cloth napkin or a paper napkin restaurant, I always leave the napkin on my lap until I stand up to leave. I figure if it gets taken away with the plates, that's when I'll probably need it most....