Well, store bought ketchup is very proletariat. And I hate that, unless it is PBR beer.
There is a big difference if you buy artisan catsup from a decent vendor that understands the history of the condiment, but also is really ironic and pretentious about it. I like the McMustash Brothers Fine Foods and Haberdashery in Park Slope, Brooklyn. There are only open for several hours during the full moon, it is worth waiting in line, they have 15 different kinds of artisan catsup, with flavors like 'stale pipe smoke' and 'patcholli oil because I'm now trying to make ironic the time I was a hippie and followed Phish around for the summer'.
If you happen to live somewhere awful, like the midwest, or upstate New York, or New Jersey, you can make your own catsup with this simple recipe.
Artisan Catsup that is Awesome and will totally impress people:
12 Heirloom tomatoes, and make damn sure they are weird colors and shapes, and wormholes are good too. And they have to be organic. I get mine from the hippie chick at the farmer's market that still won't go out with me because she thinks I'm a capitalist running dog 'cause I work for a .com. I mean what does she know about social sharing network creation synergy anyway? Lives on a commune.
1 medium onion chopped, everyone uses White or Spanish onions, I use onions from Andorra, they not only are one of the smallest countries in the world, but their onion harvest is like three a year.
Garlic, I'd give an amount, but you know you are going to make a mistake somewhere in preparation here, so use a crapload. Garlic covers all sins.
2 tbsp oil, there is a debate among true foodies whether first harvest small sustainable betel juice oil is best, or indigenous made peruvian llama oil. They are both so obscure and hard to obtain I can't decide!
Spices, look if you are a hipster chef you have most of Penzy's catalog in your cupboard, just go nuts
1/2 a cup packed brown sugar. Brown sugar , of course is loaded with racial and classist overtones. I only get mine from a small B&B in South Carolina that gives a select clientele the 'brown sugar making experience' I am telling you, saving up to go there, cutting sugar cane looks like it is better than pilates for a core body workout.
1/2 cup cider vinegar. I will say I am over cider vinegar, I used to be into it, but I found out it attracts fruit flies which are so goesh. I generally leave a glass of good brandy out until it goes off, and use that. It occasionally attracts stereotype french noblemen, but you can get rid of them quick by setting fire to their wigs.
So to make this, you put this all in a blender, I think.
I use this one,
Blendtec Stealth Blender - In Photos: The Most Expensive Kitchen Appliances
It is totally awesome, and I trust because I as a good cook picked the best ingredients and tool it will all work out in the end.
So when you get this done, pour it lovingly into some vintage ball jars and you have your Awesome Artisin Catsup! It turns green in a while, but that is because the vinegar is working.
The best is when you go out to Five Guys Burgers and ask them to use your Artisnal Awesome Catsup instead of their cardboard crap condiment, they will tell you it 'smells funny' and 'probably isn't safe' don't they wish they were a foodie like you?
***break break, looks like my post was hijacked by Ron who calls himself Roland, and keeps on eviting me to things I don't care about and can't afford in NYC, back to your usual programming***
I use Heinz Ketchup in many recipes, and store brand when it is on sale. My favorite London broil marinade uses almost a bottle of it, so I keep extra on hand , because when London Broil goes on sale, you have to be there, with the stuff, I also think that is the only reason I stock Celery Seed, not that I have a bad opinion of Celery seen, just seems that is the only thing I use it for.
There is a persistent meme of the Ugly American going to France, and asking for ketchup on a haute cuisine dish. I do dislike to see a good steak slathered with ketchup. But it is a noble condiment, used for its intent.