A funny thing happened to me on my way to the Coliseum...

[Timothy]

I thought of a thread that might be really fun. A short story about something seriously funny that actually happened to you.

We all have a thousand of em...


Under "Things I have over-heard,"

"Grandma, quit squeakin em out! Everyone is getting afraid to stand next to you."

I was standing in my own living room when I overheard that one.

 

[bakechef]

In March we went to Las Vegas with friends. We had tickets for Mystere at Treasure Island. I have a friend that loves Maggiano's and we decided to eat there. On our way to the theater, we were walking in front of the Fashion Square Mall, right on the strip. My friends stopped at an outside kiosk to check out some T-shirts. While they were looking, I started walking and didn't realize that there was a step.....

This whole area in front of the mall is polished granite, like a countertop. I go down and try to put my hands down to make sure I don't land on my face, but the sidewalk was so slick I just ended up looking like I was making a face-down-snow-angel..... spread out on the sidewalk, in front of hundreds of people, including a bus at the stoplight.....

My friends and partner were so preoccupied at the kiosk 10 feet away that they had no clue what happened, until I told them a few months later. If it hadn't been for the slick granite, I would have been all tore up!

 

[buckytom]

lol, tim and bakechef.

speaking of grandmas, i was on the line in a convenience store in my parents' retirement community one time behind a cute little 5 year old girl and her mom. the little girl kept trying to convince her mom to buy some candy, but her mom just put everything the girl took back on the shelves.

as they got to the checkout, the girl grabbed one more piece of candy and said to her mom that it was a gift to bring her grandma since they were there for a visit.

frustrated with her daughter's insistance, the mom put it back as well, saying, "i've told you before grandma doesn't eat that kind of crap!"

in the most angelic little sarcastic voice, the little girl replied, "well, just what kind of crap does grandma eat?"



true story.

 

[Bolas De Fraile]

In my 20s I was in a laundrette on a Sunday, two women were discussing health issues and I earwigged from behind my news paper.
Oh it was agony the doctor said it was it was the worst case of a blocked Philippine tube he had seen

 

[CWS4322]

Years ago, I spent the summer in Stockholm. The night b/4 I left, my friends and I went out. I was soooo hung over when I got on the flight. After I picked up my luggage in Montreal, I grabbed a cab. I handed the driver the address of my friend. I didn't really catch on as to why he kept making these big hand signals when he asked me anything. I didn't realize until after he left that he assumed I was deaf--no, I was too tired and hung over to talk! But, it was nice to have my trip comp'd.

 

[vitauta]

one day my daughter wanted to make a quick stop at target, and my grandson wanted to go with her. she told aj she was in a hurry and didn't want him along, begging for toys. aj gave his mom his solemn 7 year-old's promise that there would be no toy talk from him, so mom reluctantly agreed that he could go. in the store, they were going past a huge display of balls, aj's most favorite toy in the world, and he yelled out, "wow!! mom!! look at all those BALLS!!!" as his mother was about to sternly remind him of his promise, aj piped up again saying, "look at all those balls--that i don't want!"...i think he got a ball that day....

 

[Timothy]

Thanks for all the posts, folks. You've got me cracking up! Keep em coming!

 

[taxlady]

One of my many Danish cousins got married and moved to England. She cooked many Danish dishes. One of the kids' favourites was a dessert called "rødgrød". It's a sort of a fruit pudding made with red fruits, thickened with potato fllour, and served cold with cream.

One day the kids were being very noisy while playing in the yard and driving their mum crazy. After several requests to quiet down, she threatened "No rødgrød if you guys keep making all that noise." Well, she finally went to the backyard and informed them that there would be no rødgrød for dessert that evening.

The four year old said, "I still love you Mummy." Then he nudged his five year old sister and whispered, "You say it too, or we won't get any rødgrød."

 

[Andy M.]

Here is a link to a post I made in another thread that fits here perfectly.

http://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f26/let-me-tell-you-about-my-grandkids-76303.html#post1081421

 

[PolishedTopaz]

Several years ago when DD was 8, we were over at a friends house near the holidays, she turned and asked me " Mom, do we celebrate harmonica too?"

Another DD snippet, She had a crush on a fella in DH's band. So I say to her "You want to huuuug him, You want to kiiiisssss him, luuuuuvvv him and maarrrry him" You have never seen a kid blush so hard. She was 10. I was on the floor laughing.

 

[Timothy]

I think I posted this elsewhere on the site, but its funny enough to post again:

My sister and I were sharing a meal in a very nice restaurant in one of the tourist spots of Colonial America, in Williamsburg Virginia. It was a very quiet, plush sort of place with lots of Antiques and white linen settings on each table. I had a steak that sadly, was tough and overcooked. I was having a devil of a time cutting each bite with the not-so-good knife I was given. The plates were large 12 inch plates with a bowl type lip around them.

Well, as Murphy would have it, I successfully cut through an exceptionally tough bite and as the knife completed its task, the force I had on the knife caused the cut bite of steak to launch itself from the side of the plate.

I'm telling you, it flew like a high performance aircraft! To an elevation of about 6 feet, it traveled at what seemed like slow motion to me, traveled completely across the dining room and landed perfectly in an over-large purse of a lady and her companion who were enjoying their own meal.

I immediately turned to my sister, who, having witnessed the flight, was unsuccessfully trying to control her laughter. At that moment, she and I both lost ourselves in eye-watering hysteria.

The two ladies never noticed the errant hunk of cow that had planted itself into the open purse on the floor. This only added fuel to our merriment, and we laughed until my sister was literally holding her stomach in pain.

The ladies finished their meal, went to the register to pay and never noticed the surprise snack I had provided them.

I wonder to this day what that lady thought when she finally noticed that hunk of steak. I'll bet *that* moment was priceless!

 

[Andy M.]

Tim, that would have been something to see! Wish I'd been there.

 

[taxlady]

I think I posted this elsewhere on the site, but its funny enough to post again:

My sister and I were sharing a meal in a very nice restaurant in one of the tourist spots of Colonial America, in Williamsburg Virginia. It was a very quiet, plush sort of place with lots of Antiques and white linen settings on each table. I had a steak that sadly, was tough and overcooked. I was having a devil of a time cutting each bite with the not-so-good knife I was given. The plates were large 12 inch plates with a bowl type lip around them.

Well, as Murphy would have it, I successfully cut through an exceptionally tough bite and as the knife completed its task, the force I had on the knife caused the cut bite of steak to launch itself from the side of the plate.

I'm telling you, it flew like a high performance aircraft! To an elevation of about 6 feet, it traveled at what seemed like slow motion to me, traveled completely across the dining room and landed perfectly in an over-large purse of a lady and her companion who were enjoying their own meal.

I immediately turned to my sister, who, having witnessed the flight, was unsuccessfully trying to control her laughter. At that moment, she and I both lost ourselves in eye-watering hysteria.

The two ladies never noticed the errant hunk of cow that had planted itself into the open purse on the floor. This only added fuel to our merriment, and we laughed until my sister was literally holding her stomach in pain.

The ladies finished their meal, went to the register to pay and never noticed the surprise snack I had provided them.

I wonder to this day what that lady thought when she finally noticed that hunk of steak. I'll bet *that* moment was priceless!

My DH wanted to know what was so funny. I had to catch my breath before I could tell him.

I am familiar with the "eye-watering hysteria" with my own sister. She lives on the other side of the continent, so I seldom see her nowadays, but we get that on the phone.

 

[Timothy]

Tim, that would have been something to see! Wish I'd been there.

It was something, Andy! That frozen moment in time when I carefully watched all the people in the room to see if *anyone* saw what I had done, was priceless. I don't know how they all missed it, but they did. That, of course, only made it more hilarious!

 

[Timothy]

My DH wanted to know what was so funny. I had to catch my breath before I could tell him.

I am familiar with the "eye-watering hysteria" with my own sister. She lives on the other side of the continent, so I seldom see her nowadays, but we get that on the phone.

My sister said she almost wet herself laughing! We were totally out of control. One of the most funny times of my life. That sister and I have maintained a close relationship over the years and she and her husband just celebrated their 45th marriage anniversary.

 

[vitauta]

ah, restaurant capers...please don't hold this against me, i was going through a bit of a rebellious patch.

one of those rare occasions, my husband and i were dining at a swank restaurant--dim lights and sports jackets and all. as we were finishing our meal, i asked our waiter to have a chicken leg, left from my meal, wrapped up so we could take it home with us. the waiter gave me the most supercilious look you can imagine, and said, "we don't give out doggy bags here." well, that's all i needed to hear. i popped up from the table, grabbing the drumstick in my fist, kinda waved it, and went, "yeah? oh yeah? well watch this!" we exited this elegant restaurant, with me still clutching a chicken leg like a banner, much to the horror of our waiter, and the amusement of a few diners that we passed on our way out....(i don't do stuff like that anymore, but i bet doggy bags were de rigueur at that restaurant soon afterward.)

 

[Timothy]

ah, restaurant capers...please don't hold this against me, i was going through a bit of a rebellious patch.

one of those rare occasions, my husband and i were dining at a swank restaurant--dim lights and sports jackets and all. as we were finishing our meal, i asked our waiter to have a chicken leg, left from my meal, wrapped up so we could take it home with us. the waiter gave me the most supercilious look you can imagine, and said, "we don't give out doggy bags here." well, that's all i needed to hear. i popped up from the table, grabbing the drumstick in my fist, kinda waved it, and went, "yeah? oh yeah? well watch this!" we exited this elegant restaurant, with me still clutching a chicken leg like a banner, much to the horror of our waiter, and the amusement of a few diners that we passed on our way out....(i don't do stuff like that anymore, but i bet doggy bags were de rigueur at that restaurant soon afterward.)

There isn't a restaurant on the planet that doesn't have plastic wrap in the kitchen. Snobs bother me greatly! The boy should have gotten you some wrap at least.

Good for you! I may have done the same thing!

 

[jabbur]

ah, restaurant capers...please don't hold this against me, i was going through a bit of a rebellious patch.

one of those rare occasions, my husband and i were dining at a swank restaurant--dim lights and sports jackets and all. as we were finishing our meal, i asked our waiter to have a chicken leg, left from my meal, wrapped up so we could take it home with us. the waiter gave me the most supercilious look you can imagine, and said, "we don't give out doggy bags here." well, that's all i needed to hear. i popped up from the table, grabbing the drumstick in my fist, kinda waved it, and went, "yeah? oh yeah? well watch this!" we exited this elegant restaurant, with me still clutching a chicken leg like a banner, much to the horror of our waiter, and the amusement of a few diners that we passed on our way out....(i don't do stuff like that anymore, but i bet doggy bags were de rigueur at that restaurant soon afterward.)

I would have been tempted to wrap it in my napkin, cloth or paper!! (hoping for cloth!) That's funny though.


Timothy, I have to tell you I haven't laughed that hard in loooong time! Laughed so hard I cried, lost my breathe AND peed my pants! Had to go change clothes before I could post a reply!!

 

[Timothy]

Timothy, I have to tell you I haven't laughed that hard in loooong time! Laughed so hard I cried, lost my breathe AND peed my pants! Had to go change clothes before I could post a reply!!

I'm happy to have caused you to laugh greatly! Every time you do that, it adds a year to your life!

Live long and laugh hard.

 

[tinlizzie]

The last time I went to the mall (once in the last two years), I was walking along beside a kiosk, in the middle of the mall. There was a guy leaning against the kiosk, who said to me, fairly loudly, "Are those real?" I didn't know he was asking about my fingernails.