A Little Bit of Heaven

[csalt]

We arrived home yesterday after 2 weeks spent with our daughter and garnd daughter. It was good to spend time with them but it was absolutely blissful to come back to our own little home yesterday.
No having to watch what one does or says in case it offends. I tried really hard to watch what I said and did. It only blew up in my face once, when I was 'told off' for arguing with Grand Daughter. We were not really arguing, just having a little verbal spar, more in fun than anything else. But it was wrong! Also I must never tidy up or clean, at least not in any obvious way.
The purpose of our staying for 2 weeks was to try to be of help in readiness for their impending move. We didn't really manage to help much at all. Then it occurred to me that perhaps the help for daughter was in my being her 'sounding board' to snap at etc, it hopefully alleviated some of her stress and I did manage not to answer back. It was heaven though to come back home and have the old comfy chairs etc and the opportunity to relax and not have to be on one's guard against giving offence in any way.
I love our daughter very dearly; we both do; but we could never live with her permanently. You simply cannot be who you really are and it's incredibly difficult. No chance for a place of peace and quiet to pray. You have to do it 'on the hoof' so to speak.
This isn't a moan ; not as such. It's just an attempt to explain how difficult it can be to live with one's own children

 

[David Cottrell]

About A Little Bit of Heaven
Thanks for sharing csalt. I expect that many of us are in that situation or in my case probably subject to it anytime, like maybe this weekend coming.

 

[justplainbill]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Snot-nosed kids should have more respect for their elders. Unfortunately you'll probably be pushing up daisies before they realize the wisdom you have to offer.

 

[csalt]

You gave me a good laugh jpb! I probably will!( be pushing up daisies ) I'm nearer that end!
The thing is I know that she cares, but I do find it hard trying not to upset her. She has a very stressful job and is a single parent bringing up a bright little girl and life has been and is hard for her.
I'm just not good at trying to be someone that I'm not! and when I'm walking on egg shells I inevitably fail to see a hidden land mine!

Anyway, the bottom line is I suppose that there's no such thing as a successful parent? but we try.
But I am glad to be at home again and not having to watch every step I take.

 

[csalt]

About A Little Bit of Heaven
Thanks for sharing csalt. I expect that many of us are in that situation or in my case probably subject to it anytime, like maybe this weekend coming.

DC...hope your weekend goes really well.

 

[jeninga75]

It's funny you say you couldn't live with her. I could never live with my parents. When I go there I sleep in my old room, but when they come here they get a hotel. I love them, of course but after a few days we get to bickering about stupid things just because all 3 of us are hard headed and have to be right. Just think, if both my parents are that way, can you imagine how I am?

I do love coming home to, like you said, your comfort zone. And I also miss my dog. I can't take her because she's 100lbs and I drive a pickup wih bucket seats. I dont think she'd make the 6 hour drive like that.

 

[DawnT]

Isn't it funny how our kids made it to any "ripe old age" at all the way they act when they are all "grown up"?!? When my middle child came back (with 2 little ones in tow) I often times wondered who the pod person was and where my real daughter went!! Oh well, life goes on and on and on and on... Dawn

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I'm glad I'm not the only one! I think it's especially tense between mothers and daughters that really care for and respect each other. Daughters often secretly admire the way their moms handled everything soooo much better than they think they do so they get defensive and snippy. And moms often worry about whether or not they did a good job raising their grown kids so when we see them doing things so differently, we get defensive and wonder if it's a statement about the ways we may have fallen short. Sometimes I think it's amazing that parents and kids ever talk to each other at all once they are grown!

But csalt, I envy you your beautiful granddaughter and I'm so glad you had a lovely holiday with her. She's a very lucky little girl to have such a wonderful mom and grandmother!

 

[kadesma]

csalt, just be yourself, the mom you where to her in your home as she grew up..That is what she expects of you..Sure doing little things to make things easier for her is something she will love, but just let her have good ol mom...I guess I've been lucky, my girls spend a lot of time with me and are always calling and asking me to let's go shopping or come over and play or dropping in here so often that it's as if they still live here. I'm very lucky to be so involved in their lives...But, no matter what, i'm just me,I never tip toe with them nor they with me..Enjoy your daughter as she is and love that grand daughter for all your worth..They are lucky to have you.
kadesma

 

[Rob Babcock]

It works both ways. I love my parents dearly, but if they visit for more than 2 days I start to go bonkers! Let's just call my parents "idiosyncratic" and leave it at that! It's hard to imagine not having them around to visit regularly, but I can't really be myself with them around. I'm working full time while returning to school full time...I feel bad when I "need my space" because they're getting on in years and won't be around forever. Yet I still need some time alone to "decompress," especially since I make my living cooking. It's relaxing as a hobby but pretty stressful as an occupation. Hey, why do you think I'm going back to school to study computers!

 

[jabbur]

Csalt, my guess is that your girl has been carrying the ball for so long she doesn't know how to give it up! She works full time and raising a daughter on her own. She has to be everything all the time. It also may be a response to the stress. I know that when things in one area of my life is out of my control, I tend to ratchet up my control in the areas I can and that is cause for snipping and snapping at people over things that in another time and frame of mind I wouldn't think twice about. I have learned to ask "what do you want me to do?" and if the answer is "nothing" be satisfied. My son and I went through a similar period and are now starting to come out the other side. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore but still mindful of his autonomy. I have to remember that he does things his way and I need to respect his decisions. I did a good job because while he doesn't do things "my way", he still manages to maintain the underlying principles. And I bet you daughter is just as thankful you're home as you are!

 

[Fisher's Mom]

Here's something someone sent to me today and it made me think of this thread:

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness...just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
God Bless All Moms and Grandmas everywhere!

 

[csalt]

I've saved that Fisher's Mom. It's great!