"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 09-14-2008, 11:38 AM   #11
Head Chef
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mentor, OH
Posts: 1,037
I cannot offer anything that has not already been said, except to say I'll pray for a positive outcome to your situation. My hat's off to you for raising her child. That's not easy for the kid or the surrogate parents. Sadly, this is too prevalent in our society today.

Joe
__________________

__________________
JoeV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 11:54 AM   #12
Sous Chef
 
mikki's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ashville, NY
Posts: 776
Send a message via AIM to mikki
SK- I agree with all of the advice given,You cannot help someone who won't help themselves, set boundries- what you will and will not do to help her then stick to them. It will be hard, but better for everyone if you do this. My BIL although not involved in the drugs had many runins with the law, his mom and sister bailed him out to the point that they had no money to work with. My hubby and I told him exactly what we would do. Offered him a place to stay , but he was to have a job in a certian amount of time, only certian friends were allowed at our house, and he was not to be comming in at all hours of the night due to we had small children. If any of this happened he would be out that day. Long story short he lived with us about a month and stayed out of trouble,moved back to his moms where their boundries and ended up going to jail for almost 2 years. 10 years later he actuall thanked us for setting boundries. Tough love is hard, but sometimes it's the only way!
__________________

__________________
mikki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 12:24 PM   #13
Master Chef
 
Constance's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Illiniois
Posts: 8,175
Unfortunately, I know all too much about this subject. I've had two children who became addicted to assorted drugs, including prescription painkillers and meth.
First of all, bless your heart for raising the child.

In regard to helping your family member...ANYTHING you do for her is just enabling her habit. There comes a time for hard love, and this is it. When she's down and out and on the street, it is then that she will either change her life or die. It all depends on what she is made of, and there is nothing you can do about that.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to imagine your loved one walking the streets, cold and hungry, but you have to be strong about this.
__________________
We get by with a little help from our friends
Constance is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 12:39 PM   #14
Master Chef
 
jabbur's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 5,481
You have gotten some good advice here. There is not much I can add to what has already been said. It is never easy to deal with family members in situations like this. I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you make.
__________________
I could give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!
jabbur is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 12:47 PM   #15
Executive Chef
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Collier County, Fl.
Posts: 4,198
Bless you, Smoke King, for taking care of her child. No one, not God, could ask more of you. Don't enable her, as others have said.
I worked across the street from a St. Mathew's House shelter and learned that even they have rules. They make residents have a check in and check out time. The residents have to pay a minimum (a couple of dollars) to stay each night/day. And most important - they have to be CLEAN! For shelter, clothing, meals and human contact, that's not much to ask. But even they recognize rules are a must. And paying alittle, makes the person feel more responsible, worthy and not useless. Look into this shelter idea, let your family member know that this is where she should start. That's your helping hand reaching out for her welfare, and the welfare of your own family, the best way for all. Let the shelter direct her for other assistance. That's also a part of what they do. If not St. Mathews House, your area, I'm sure, has other like facilities.

Good luck and prayers to you and your family.
__________________
quicksilver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 01:37 PM   #16
Master Chef
 
texasgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: North Texas
Posts: 9,497
I have no advise, as I have not been through this before. I would listen to the ones that have and know that it has got to be hard. I just want to offer my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
__________________
texasgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 01:51 PM   #17
Executive Chef
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Raton,NM, USA
Posts: 4,573
SK, I think deep down you know what to do you should feel no guilt about it as you have helped many times before. How does the rest of the family feel about it? All of you need to agree on it, as soon as she realizes no more help from family maybe then she will to change her life for the better.
__________________
"It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it." - Julia Child
jpmcgrew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 02:23 PM   #18
Executive Chef
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 3,619
Quote:
Originally Posted by Constance View Post
Unfortunately, I know all too much about this subject. I've had two children who became addicted to assorted drugs, including prescription painkillers and meth.
First of all, bless your heart for raising the child.

In regard to helping your family member...ANYTHING you do for her is just enabling her habit. There comes a time for hard love, and this is it. When she's down and out and on the street, it is then that she will either change her life or die. It all depends on what she is made of, and there is nothing you can do about that.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to imagine your loved one walking the streets, cold and hungry, but you have to be strong about this.
It's such a heartbreaking truth but Constance is absolutely right. Any assistance you give an addict enables them and ultimately, hastens their death. The idea of a loved one or family member being homeless or crashing in a crack house is devastating, I know. You are afraid they will die on the street. But I also know from personal experience that it will kill her in your house, too. Along with screwing up your entire family. You've had her live with you before so you know this is true.

If you've ever seen that show Intervention, you know the model. Lovingly tell her that you cannot live with or be a part of her addiction and that as long as she is not in a program, she will get nothing from you except your love and prayers for her to get clean. In the long run, it is the only chance she has.

I'll be thinking of you and praying this young woman makes the choices she needs to make.
__________________
Fisher's Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 02:50 PM   #19
Head Chef
 
Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,810
Don't be embarassed Smokeking, you can't control another persons behavior. Like the others, I think you need to give her a little "tough love". Don't enable her. I have a stepdaughter who used to be very similar and although it was hard, we had to let her hit rock bottom before giving her a hand. This was several years ago and now she is a successful, responsible person and totally understands why we gavae her tough love.
__________________
www.Mamas-Southern-Cooking.com
Mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2008, 05:58 PM   #20
Master Chef
 
luvs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: da 'burgh
Posts: 9,673
i'm with those saying not to enable her habits...
__________________

__________________
i believe that life would not be complete sans comfy 'ol tee-shirts, the Golden Girls, and the color pink
& rock on, PITTSBURGH-
luvs is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:39 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.