I ahve read only the first page of this thread. But from that page, I have to concurr with the advice given. But it's a difficult thing to do. I know of a Mother-daughter relationship that is much like what you are discribing. Unfortunately, the mother is enabling her daughter to misbehave. And like your situation, there is a young child in the mix, only about 3 years of age. The mother of the child is teaching the child to misbehave. She thinks that it's funny. She is destroying that child's future. Do not let this person in your home, not only for your sake, but for the boy's as well. If the woman won't accept help, then she has made her bed. The cycle must be broken. She can't be allowed to destroy her son's life as she has messed up her own.
It's a harsh thing to say, and I don't know that I'd be any better at turning one of my own away. Fortunately, I don't have to. They are all wonderful adults.
If it helps, think of it this way. We are responsible to everyone else on this planet. We need to hold out a hand of love and help, especially to our families. But, if that person who needs help is tearing down the rest of the family, then they are a harm to themselves and everyone else around them, and must be removed. When you enable a misbehaving person, you are giving them power. Power is control. Would you give a 6 year old child a shotgun? No, because he hasn't the knowledge, or maturity to be trusted with that much power. Power must be meeted out to people according to their ability to wield it. And if they misuse it, it must be taken from them. If this woman refuses to take accountability for her actions, and refuses to act reasonably, then the power to misbehave, at least in your home, must be taken from her. My children, indeed, any who enter my home know that it is a no smoking, no swearing, no fighting, no alcohol zone. My home is my refuge and sanctuary, and is such for anyone within it. Break my household rules and you will be shown the door, even thrown out. I've only had to throw one person out of my home, and that was a very long time ago.
Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North
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