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Old 06-15-2014, 05:00 PM   #11
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I don't think I would ever want to swap places with my wife, now or then. That is because, although I worked full-time, I learned the best thing I could do for them was to BE THERE, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was another 'hands-on' Daddy who partnered up with their Mom to share in every aspect of raising them.
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Old 06-16-2014, 12:10 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Addie View Post
Happy Father's Day to all our fathers in this forum.

The question is this;

If society had been different when you were raising your children, would you have liked to be a "stay at home Dad" and raised the children alone while the wife went off to work?

More and more Dads today are finding the joy in their children that women have always known.

Also for you fathers who haven't become grandfathers yet. Please feel free to answer.
I was fortunate to be able to bond with them as tiny infants, just as their mother did. I sang them to sleep, paced the floor with them in my arms to help quiet them, changed diapers, helped them learn to craw, walk, talk, play, fall safely, and all of that stuff. With their mother, I helped teach them right from wrong, how to search for good and uplifting things, and that there are consequences good and bad for the choices they made. Even though I worked a full time job, and at one point had to leave them to go to sea for months (I was a sailor on aircraft carriers), I gave them every moment I could give them. They captured my heart from the moment they were conceived. I literally could do no less.


My job as a father was far more important to me than was my job to make money. I had to work to provide the resources for DW and my children. I had more, and higher paying working skills than did she. We both knew that when we married. Even so, most of the time I wasn't with them was when they were in school. And in the summer time, they were doing what they had to do, some chores, and playing with friends. I taught them all of the skills that I could, from problem solving, to respect, honesty, integrity, faith, engineering, a love of good, healthy food, and how to prepare it, and so many other things, all while, as my wife puts it, being their biggest toy.

I wouldn't change a thing, except to follow a couple of faith related tasks that I fell short of.

Life is what you make of it. If we have children, we have the obligation to give them the best chance at success that we can. That means we teach them everything we can, and set the example.

My eldest son gives me credit for his drive to succeed. He watched me take care of DW, him and his siblings, work, and obtain a B.S. EET degree all at the same time. He will be going to dental school starting in August, while raising two adorable children, and being the best husband he can be. My other children, now grown, you know as well, P.A.G., and Sprout, who are equally as amazing. My other son, well I hear such great things about his professional abilities that I have to be proud of the man he's become. He cooks, and does it exceptionally well. He just needs to take that extra step and go to school. He is very good. He could be great.

Would I stay at home to raise my children and let my wife work full time? If I had to do everything over again, no. Shes' the mother of my children, was a full time housewife and mother, and had things to offer our children that only a mother can give. I served in my role as father, and that complimented her role as a mother. It wasn't about the job. It wasn't about male dominance, it wasn't about power. It was about doing what each of us did best, and about giving our children the best that we could give them, often in spite of the "best current advice from the experts".

I relied on my faith, and the teachings of the church that I belong to help me understand what was truly important in life. I have been richly rewarded for doing so, not in money, but in a strong, loving family.

Oh, and just so everyone knows, I'm not writing this to say - hey, look at me. I am writing this so that you can evaluate what you believe is important in raising children. What I did worked for me and my family. It's also working for my children, and grand children. I offer it as an example of one way to look at life.

Oh, and thanks for the Father's day wish, Addie.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
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Old 06-16-2014, 12:39 PM   #13
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You are most welcome.

Yesterday I got a phone call from Poo. His father died when he was quite young and he has very sketchy memories of him. So in essence I raised him alone. He has fond memories of learning to spell as we waited for the bus. Counting the pickets on fences during our walks, my reading books to him. He got to telling me of all his memories of when he was quite small. He even remembered me teaching him to standup at the toilet (as soon as he was tall enough) like the big boys did. So he wished me the usual Happy Fother's Day. I was not only his mother, but also his Fother. I taught him how to knot a necktie, which way cuffs were inserted into shirt sleeves, so many things. I even had to teach him how to shave.

I reminded him of the day he screamed at me, "You don't understand, you are not a father!".

"I am trying to be when I have to be." That brought him up short. He realized that day that it wasn't easy for either of us.

That is when I asked The Pirate to start doing more with him. I realized that there was a ten year difference, but he was the closest male to him. He had two boys of his own and he started to bring Poo to his house for meals and other activities so he could see how a family with two parents behave. I also signed him up for Boy Scouts. He found a great mentor in one of the leaders. Still keeps in touch with him today.

All children need both parents. And when one parent in missing, the other parent needs to find a surrogate to step in every so often. Sometimes the child finds their own. Boy Scouts, Boys and Girls Club, etc.

The worst time I had with him was when my youngest daughter died. I took custody of her oldest child. Poo was not happy. Growing up, he had always been like an only child. Even though I had four other kids. We had some great screaming matches. I finally had to sit him down one day after I sent my granddaughter off to school. I ask him to put himself in her place. After our talk, it was like he just got a brand new sister. Calm reigned again.
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Old 06-16-2014, 01:21 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Addie View Post
You are most welcome.

Yesterday I got a phone call from Poo. His father died when he was quite young and he has very sketchy memories of him. So in essence I raised him alone. He has fond memories of learning to spell as we waited for the bus. Counting the pickets on fences during our walks, my reading books to him. He got to telling me of all his memories of when he was quite small. He even remembered me teaching him to standup at the toilet (as soon as he was tall enough) like the big boys did. So he wished me the usual Happy Fother's Day. I was not only his mother, but also his Father. I taught him how to knot a necktie, which way cuffs were inserted into shirt sleeves, so many things. I even had to teach him how to shave.

I reminded him of the day he screamed at me, "You don't understand, you are not a father!".

"I am trying to be when I have to be." That brought him up short. He realized that day that it wasn't easy for either of us.

That is when I asked The Pirate to start doing more with him. I realized that there was a ten year difference, but he was the closest male to him. He had two boys of his own and he started to bring Poo to his house for meals and other activities so he could see how a family with two parents behave. I also signed him up for Boy Scouts. He found a great mentor in one of the leaders. Still keeps in touch with him today.

All children need both parents. And when one parent in missing, the other parent needs to find a surrogate to step in every so often. Sometimes the child finds their own. Boy Scouts, Boys and Girls Club, etc.

The worst time I had with him was when my youngest daughter died. I took custody of her oldest child. Poo was not happy. Growing up, he had always been like an only child. Even though I had four other kids. We had some great screaming matches. I finally had to sit him down one day after I sent my granddaughter off to school. I ask him to put himself in her place. After our talk, it was like he just got a brand new sister. Calm reigned again.
I admire people like you, who do the best for their children in whatever circumstance life puts them in. I was fortunate to marry a good woman, a great woman, who loved our children as much as I do. I came from a broken home, and from parents who really did try to raise us the best they could. They taught me wonderful things. But I felt it was my job to give my kids better. In some ways, I succeeded, and in some ways I didn't. As I said, I had loving and good parents.

My most important piece of advice to them was this; I counseled them that they are to take the family to the next level, and do it better than I did. The idea is to always try to make the family stronger. At least that's the way it works in my universe.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
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Old 06-16-2014, 01:45 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chief Longwind Of The North View Post
I admire people like you, who do the best for their children in whatever circumstance life puts them in. I was fortunate to marry a good woman, a great woman, who loved our children as much as I do. I came from a broken home, and from parents who really did try to raise us the best they could. They taught me wonderful things. But I felt it was my job to give my kids better. In some ways, I succeeded, and in some ways I didn't. As I said, I had loving and good parents.

My most important piece of advice to them was this; I counseled them that they are to take the family to the next level, and do it better than I did. The idea is to always try to make the family stronger. At least that's the way it works in my universe.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North
So true. Ask any of my kids what is the most important thing in their lives. FAMILY! Put them all in the same room and they will probably kill each other. But let one of them need help and they pull together as one.
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Old 06-16-2014, 01:46 PM   #16
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Chief I have a picture of all five of my kids together. I showed it to a close friend. The comment was, "And they all left there alive?"
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Old 06-17-2014, 11:45 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Addie View Post
Happy Father's Day to all our fathers in this forum.

The question is this;

If society had been different when you were raising your children, would you have liked to be a "stay at home Dad" and raised the children alone while the wife went off to work?

More and more Dads today are finding the joy in their children that women have always known.

Also for you fathers who haven't become grandfathers yet. Please feel free to answer.
Naw. Rather be at work.
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