A Vent ~

[Callisto in NC]

My daughter is the only one here and she just doesn't get it. So I sent one of my (if I don't say so myself) lovely baskets to my father and his **woman**. It contained Katie's hot chocolate mix (a full pint jar), two loaves, three kinds of cookies, fudge, and a hot chocolate kit. I sent it UPS 2 day so it would be there on time. I packaged it in two nice baskets and a lovely tin. What do I get from his **woman**? No joke she says "That was so nice, it's the first time you've sent us a Christmas gift." Seriously, what the heck is up with that? Not just "thank you", no this **woman** feels the need to point out that it's the first time I've ever sent anything.

For the past two years they've invaded my house, I've given up my room, my bed (I slept on a futon), cooked for them, cleaned for them, and provided all their needs during their 4 day visit, and I'm a single mom on a limited income. Apparently, I erroneously assumed that spending a couple of hundred dollars I didn't have was enough for them. I know it was enough for my dad, but apparently she thinks I should have done more.

As irked as I am, I'm kind of proud of my response to her. I didn't tell her where to stick it. I smiles and said, "this is the first year anyone's gotten anything from me." Seriously, who acts like that? I've hated gifts they've given me but I've always been gracious. Who does that?

 

[kadesma]

My daughter is the only one here and she just doesn't get it. So I sent one of my (if I don't say so myself) lovely baskets to my father and his **woman**. It contained Katie's hot chocolate mix (a full pint jar), two loaves, three kinds of cookies, fudge, and a hot chocolate kit. I sent it UPS 2 day so it would be there on time. I packaged it in two nice baskets and a lovely tin. What do I get from his **woman**? No joke she says "That was so nice, it's the first time you've sent us a Christmas gift." Seriously, what the heck is up with that? Not just "thank you", no this **woman** feels the need to point out that it's the first time I've ever sent anything.

For the past two years they've invaded my house, I've given up my room, my bed (I slept on a futon), cooked for them, cleaned for them, and provided all their needs during their 4 day visit, and I'm a single mom on a limited income. Apparently, I erroneously assumed that spending a couple of hundred dollars I didn't have was enough for them. I know it was enough for my dad, but apparently she thinks I should have done more.

As irked as I am, I'm kind of proud of my response to her. I didn't tell her where to stick it. I smiles and said, "this is the first year anyone's gotten anything from me." Seriously, who acts like that? I've hated gifts they've given me but I've always been gracious. Who does that?

It's obvious she doesn't know how to just say thank you..Don't let her reply make YOU miserable..It's not worth it..Just take it as thank you and save yourself an upset tummy..You did a good thing andI'm sure your dad is thrilled...I learned a long time ago, I'm important to my family the ones who love me, so I don't waste my precious time on those who care to look down long dark noses at me..They don't count in the scheme of things..Bravo to you on your lovely gift and that is what counts.
kadesma

 

[Jeekinz]

.PWI...............

 

[Katie H]

Calli, as hard it might be, take the high road. Just paste a smile on your face and plod through the season. I, for one, would have LOVED the gift you offered. So many times folks have no clue what goes into preparing a gift of homemade things.

I have spent years making homemade gifts and given them with wild abandon. Just give them and run away.

Don't beat yourself up. You did a wonderful, loving thing. Go on and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

 

[babetoo]

to sad

the holidays can be a mine feld. some people just suck. next year just give u dad something.

babe

 

[Callisto in NC]

the holidays can be a mine feld. some people just suck. next year just give u dad something.

babe

Gosh, there's the interesting part of the equation now that I think about it. The package was addressed to him, not them. I guess it's assuming of her to think it was for her and not just him.

 

[GrillingFool]

Be careful not to hear what you want to hear because of feelings about the "**woman**.

She told you "that was so nice...."

sounds like a thank you to me.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I waited before posting, Callisto, because my first response was "Awww, why couldn't your dad's SO just be sweet and recognize all the time and love and care that went into that package?" I felt bad for you because you have gone out of your way for so many this year. I know you're on a limited budget and that worries you but your gifts involved so much time - something much more valuable than anything money could buy. So I was instantly a little miffed for you.

But I think the real key here is that you gave of yourself and you were gracious and you sent your dad lots of yummy things you made with love. Don't be upset. In fact, don't allow yourself to even think of anything but the wonderful gifts you made and let it fill you with joy. In fact, maybe you've lit a little candle there. Everyone who received your lovely gifts is bound to feel special, knowing that you cared about them enough to spend that much time on them! Who knows what may come of that? For now, just know that your friends here think your gifts were wonderful like you!

 

[Rom]

Maybe your dad liked it so much she got jealous and had to be nasty!

 

[Callisto in NC]

Be careful not to hear what you want to hear because of feelings about the "**woman**.

She told you "that was so nice...."

sounds like a thank you to me.

The issue is, she never just stops. Two years ago when I wouldn't eat her Wal-Mart ham (I don't eat any ham, at all) after reminding my father who's known for 10 years I don't eat ham, I got a 6 page letter about how horrid I was. She never stops at "Thank you." with anyone, it's "thank you BUT..."

My aunt decided it's because the woman never owned a television, that's what she told me. She's just different according to my aunt, but my aunt can relate to my frustration. Apparently, pointing out the flaws when receiving things is par for the course with this woman.

 

[DawnT]

Thankfulness

Calli, You sent a wonderful gift to your father and his SO for Christmas. Dad's SO told you it was thoughtful, albeit a first in her eyes. Maybe she feels money speaks but you and I both know better!! You have opened your house and your heart to them for years. Be thankful that you could send them something this year. Just enjoy the Holidays and relax, Dad is with SO for a reason(don't know why). Dawn T

 

[pdswife]

I'm sorry that you feel bad...

Just know that YOU did the right thing ( a wonderful gift) and move on.
Some people are never happy and for some reason they don't want others to be happy either. She sounds like one of those types.

 

[GrillingFool]

Oooohhh.... one of them.

I am sorry for you. Hang in there!

 

[ella/TO]

My dear....you are allowing yourself to be aggrevated.....put it behind you. Know that you did the right thing. Just have a Merry Christmas and look forward to a wonderful 2008 for you and your little family!

 

[auntdot]

Calli, let me tell you about my aunt.

She always overtly seemed sweet, but there were always the barbs.

She could never graciously accept a gift, no matter how hard anyone tried. And believe me we tried.

There was always the zinger - the this is the first gift thing. There are folks out there like that.

You cannot control others. All you are responsible for is your behavior.

Your dad has chosen this dame and that is what you have to deal with.

So deal with it any way you wish.

But until and unless dad decides to give this woman the heave-ho your contact with your father will to some degree include her.

Sorry. All you can do is decide how much contact you want to have with dad and the odious one.

But there is no gain in letting the situation eat you up.

There is a prayer that twelve step programs have:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

It is the accepting that which I cannot change part that I come back to so often.

It gives me solace when it seems there could not be any.

Just my take on life, Merry Christmas and God bless.

 

[Zereh]

She is who she is, never gonna change that.

Don't let someone's ugly get under your skin. It's so not worth it.


Z

 

[wysiwyg]

Callisto in NC,
I am no therapist or Dr. but all I can say is be yourself.
Do not let other person's actions drive your behaviour or response.
She probably doesn't know how to interact with you in a nice way.
Think of a relationship with an ex. sometimes the arguments or fights are a way to interact. And don't expect your Dad to take sides, that will leave you exposed to unneeded dissapointment as romantic and paternal love are not clearly separated sometimes. As Kadesma put it, do not let her response dissapoint you.
Next year send me the package, I promise I will send you a sincere thank you card LOL

 

[David Cottrell]

Dear Callisto, Your Father's "Woman" is his problem my friend. Let it be that way. She has a need to "win" over you. Don't let her - a smile will do and let it go at that. You are too good a person to be a loser to her.
You have a Christmas that is is the true spirit of the season. From me to you. D

 

[jpmcgrew]

Im so steaming P off mad at Dh he is always pestering me to
make dinner for his hunters and we have hunters here for months.So this time he wanted me to make dinner and I said no.So he keeps pestering me so I relented and told him I would do lunch.So what does he do?He shows up at 10:30 in the morning with them and tells me they just ate breakfast but will be back at 3:30pm for a late lunch. Ok didnt like that but I can deal.Now he calls me at 3:15 and tells me they will be here until about 5:30 so what he did is turn it into a dinner which I did not want to do.The food isn't a problem as Im making enchiladas for their lunch which will be dinner.But the fact that he manipilated me like that makes me so freakin angry and I cant wring his neck cuz he is safely miles from here.If he was more helpful around the house I might want to feed all his friends more of the time it never occurs to him I hafto cook, serve and clean up afterwards.Ya, its great fun for him because he wont lift a finger when it comes to anything.They will sit around stuff their faces and drink beer.I am so da*m mad Im crying.I just cant believe he did that to me.Whats worse I wont be able to tear into him when they get here.But let me tell you he has got it comming.Big time!

 

[Katie H]

Oh, man, jp! I'd be just as angry. I think I'd be tempted to put the meal out with a note and leave the house to go to a movie. Let him handle the rest.

I think the part that would steam my clams the most is the "manipulation" part. Makes you want to hit people and break things!!!!

Enjoy the movie!