Alcoholic?

[Corey123]

Thanks for the responses. Its not to fun nor easy being this way. Yesterday i woke up at 3pm. I went out and did a few errands. Then I got a case of 30 beers for $11 plus a pack of Marlboro Lights. Total of about $16.
Been drinking from 10pm till now. Not heavy. A few beers an hour.
Its bad for SO many reasons. But Im borred. I get borred somewhat quick. I have very little money so I cant go out and shop. I just stay here in my apartment drinking. Every woman I ask out is taken or not attracted to me.
My last job gave me constant heart palpitations. They are gone now. So I feel healthy enough to look for a new job. (I was fired in January)
Bills are pilling up. I am almost broke and almost out of unemployment pay.
Anyhew, its 9am and Im still drinking my beer. Im lonely. No one is here to hug me or to talk to. Hence the beer. BUUUUUT I have my 2 cats. I suppose. No parents. No siblings. Just music and movies. The pool at my apartment is now open but Im 20 pounds over weight. Not looking to s3xy.
But its my fault. Im alright though! Im always alright.

The loss of your job. That wouldn't have anything to do with your problems with alcoholism now, would it? Only YOU can change it though, if you really want to.

And how did your last job cause your heart to go into palpitations? And if so, if your heart DOES go into palpitations, you need to get to either your doctor, or the emergency room immediately. That's a pure sign and the beginning of what may be congestive heart failure (CHF)!!!

I was diaganosed with it late last fall and was in the hospital TWICE because of it. You can be in danger and start suffering from SOB (shortness of breath) which is a really scary thing. Your lungs get filled with fluid and you're gasping for air as if you are literally drowning!!

And like GB said, you desperatly need to start trying to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop sitting on your butt looking for sympathy because there is none to be had. Don't be tricked into thinking that you can quit drinking on your own, because you'll lose.

I've a friend whom I hadn't seen for a while, and when I DID see him, he looked ten times worst than he did before. And he went right back to drinking, is homeless again and is looking for sympathy as well! I told him to not even think about asking me for help, because I tried to help him before and it all was for nothing!

I'm not helping alcoholics get right ever again because as the old saying goes, you can't change a leapard's spots. Please, go get help. Do what you must, but don't expect any sympathy from me. Help others by helping yourself.

I'm sorry also, for sounding so stern, but you need a wake-up call to make you change your ways.

 

[Katie H]

Sushi, I endorse what GB and Corey have said.

You've gained the extra weight because you've been consuming empty calories. Get busy and start taking accountability for your actions. Sorry, this response isn't pretty, but your situation isn't pretty either.

Now, go take a shower, put on some clean clothes and get some help.

 

[shannon in KS]

Only YOU can change it though, if you really want to.

And like GB said, you desperatly need to start trying to take responsibility for your own actions. Stop sitting on your butt looking for sympathy because there is none to be had. Don't be tricked into thinking that you can quit drinking on your own, because you'll lose.

I've a friend whom I hadn't seen for a while, and when I DID see him, he look ten times worst than he did before. And he went right back to drinking, is homeless again and is looking for sympathy as well! I told him to not even think about asking me for help, because I tried to help him before and it all was for nothing!

I'm sorry also, for sounding so stern, but you need a wake-up call to make you change your ways.

It is hard to be stern, but you have to be. Alcoholism sometimes is an uncontrollable urge, and one drink can cause all discipline and self-control to go out the window. I ended a relationship in March because of alcoholism (as a few of you may remember), and it was the hardest decision to literally throw him out when he thought he needed me most- when he really needed to find his own strength to overcome. I had to separate my deep love for him, and harden my heart so much to muster the strength to do what was best for the both of us, and mainly him. It was agonizing, but he needed to straighten his life out. I felt like I was kicking him when he was down, abandoning him, but I had no choice- the nice method was NOT solving the problem. I felt like I was going against God, forsaking the "for better or worse" vows we hoped to take this year, but you don't bring the "worse" on those you love the most. Alcohol abuse is usually a psychological disease, and drinking is the reaction to negative emotions. He drank when he was bored too, so had to learn other ways to keep busy. I thought if I asked him to leave, he would spiral even more out of control, and he did for a while, dealing with the loss with the same self-destructive behavior that caused it all. The pain he went through losing me was the excruciating wake-up call he needed. I told him to take note of it, because it WOULD happen again if he ever resorted back to alcohol. He understands now why I told him HE had to find the answers. Only HE could help HIMSELF. No one can save you, but yourself.

We are doing fine now, taking each step day by day. Reading Sushi's self-loathing words is like reliving the hard times we have been through, just as other people in this post have related and shared their heartaches alcohol has brought into their lives. Sometimes people get so down, they can't help themselves. Their emotions are so raw, they are beside themselves, literally out of their mind with loss, reaching out for anyone that will save them with the magical answer that solves it all. I truly see it as a cry for help. Sushi, I see the blunt responses, and you need to take them to heart. I don't feel anyone is trying to offend you. They are pointing out your self-destructive behavior, saying "#$%^ wake up!!! Don't you see for yourself what you are doing to yourself?!?" And we care about you, and sometimes when people care about you, you need to hear words that rip through to your core. You seem to have realized you have a problem, now you need to make a game plan to deal with it.

As I repeat over and over, YOU ARE SOBER BEFORE YOU TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK OUT OF THE BOTTLE. Make that change, make that choice, and choose to make your decisions right then and there, before you impair your judgement and all the bad things that follow thereafter. Next time you get plowed, take your picture, and compare it to what you used to be. You won't like what you see.

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

I have absolutely no sympathy for someone who comes on here and declares they are an alcoholic and says they want to stop drinking, but then says they just bought a 30 pack because they are bored.

If you are so bored then why not go out and look for a job instead of sitting around drinking and posting on forums trying to drum up sympathy? If you are so bored then why don't you go get help for your drinking problem that you claim you want help for.

From where I sit, you seem to me like you have no desire to get help. You are just looking for attention and for people to come and say "Oh look at poor sushi. Everything will be OK. You are a great guy and we love you Blah Blah Blah". Sorry to put it so bluntly, but these are my views and I am not going to sugar coat them. If you REALLY wanted help then you could get it, but you obviously are just looking for attention.

I dont want sympathy. Im posting this so people know about my addiction. And maybe someone can relate. If YOU had an addiction you would probably understand. Its NOT easy to tell everyone about this. I thought even YOU might respect that. How could you think I want people to pat me on the head and say its going to be ok?! Im 36 not 12.
Im very very disapointed in your lack of trying to relate. I have been getting help but on holidays things get more difficult.
You and anyone else can blab like you just did. Its easy to say anything when you are not in the same position. I hope you never have to deal with any of this.

 

[Katie H]

Yes, Sushi, many of us can "relate." I grew up with a mother who was an alcoholic and addicted to drugs, so I have some idea of the mindset of someone in your position.

There's no lack of relating. We just know that you have to pick yourself up and get a grip.

Saying the holiday is causing you some distress is understandable, but not an excuse for lapsing into "I'm feeling sorry for myself" mode.

Too bad you define concern for "blabbering." If you would just sit up and look through your fog for a minute, you would see it as concern and support, which it is.

If you say you are getting help, then you should be able to speak to someone during this holiday to help you cope.

 

[GB]

Sorry sushi, but I am not buying it. Don't come here bellyaching about being bored so you are going to drink and then saying how you are out of work. If you really wanted help then you would quit your wining and go out and do something about it. Why don't you check yourself into a program if you are that bored and really want help? Why are you not working on your resume if you are that bored and need a job? Why are you not out applying for jobs if you are that bored and need a job? No, instead you come here and post your whoa is me story.

I really hope you get the help you need, but it seems like you still have a way to go before you hit bottom and hopefully wise up and look at your actions.

 

[Angie]

I know where you are coming from...I'm an addict as well. I also had a reaction like this on another board I frequent.

I know you are already beating your self up because of your disease. And yes, everyone IS right, only YOU can change this..BUT it's not easy.

You have taken a big step in the right direction. You have admitted it to yourself and to others.

I have an AA book that I got when I attended my first meeting. I'm required to attend 4 meetings for my treatment.

Have you asked any friends or family for help? If not, try to confide in someone. Ask them to go WITH YOU to an AA meeting. It's much easier to go with someone than to go alone.

You can do this! I've been clean for almost 2 months now but I still crave the high each and every day. It has gotten easier, though.

I had a real test today. I was spending time with a friend at her house this afternoon and she has a full prescription of Xanax, one of my drugs of choice. I was an anxious mess. I couldn't stop shaking and my heart was pounding. I was self inducing an anxiety attack so I could get the pills. Thankfully my friend will NOT give in and give me the pills.

I'lll help you through this. We can help each other.

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

I'lll help you through this. We can help each other.

Its a deal Angie.

Why don't you check yourself into a program if you are that bored and really want help? Why are you not working on your resume if you are that bored and need a job? Why are you not out applying for jobs if you are that bored and need a job? No, instead you come here and post your whoa is me story.

Resume is fine. I have an interview on Wed and Friday. And by the way, people post things in here because they feel like other people care about them. Your statement truley shows how insensitive of a boy you really are. Something is really really wrong with you.

 

[Dove]

Sushie, re-read this when you are sober..you will see people do care and are asking you to help yourself.You have to want to stop drinking.You can't just talk about it.
Dove

 

[Green Lady]

Many churches offer a program called Celebrate Recovery. It is for alcoholics and anyone with addictions of any kind ie., drugs, food, porn, etc. It would be good if you found a group like this to go to, in addition to AA. It would be an extra source of support and human interaction.

 

[GB]

The only person you are fooling is yourself sushi. Please see what Dove said on post #29.

 

[Barb L.]

Sushi, you know we will always be here to support you, but you do have to support yourself first. Take one day at a time, set goals for yourself, love yourself you are worth it. You are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Life is good ! It is in your hands and you have the power to overcome. Realize you will never be a social drinker, so what !! No biggy - enjoy and appreciate the simply things in life. Then you will be at peace with yourself, knowing you are in control, not a substance !! Take Care, ! Barb L.

 

[Corey123]

Sorry sushi, but I am not buying it. Don't come here bellyaching about being bored so you are going to drink and then saying how you are out of work. If you really wanted help then you would quit your wining and go out and do something about it. Why don't you check yourself into a program if you are that bored and really want help? Why are you not working on your resume if you are that bored and need a job? Why are you not out applying for jobs if you are that bored and need a job? No, instead you come here and post your whoa is me story.

I really hope you get the help you need, but it seems like you still have a way to go before you hit bottom and hopefully wise up and look at your actions.

Yes and please don't use the old expression; "Oh. I'll stop drinking next week or next month or on New Year's;" as other alcoholics, drug addicts and chronically ill heavy smokers do. That day will never come.

If you got the time and patience to come here and unload and share your chronic problems with alcohol, then you got the time to just get up and start trying to do something about your problems.

The only way for us to try to get you motivated and going is to show you some tough love. I'm sure that you've heard of that before.

 

[carolelaine]

Sushi- You can stop drinking all of the beer and when you do the weight will come off. I have been there too and it is possible to get up, get out and get on with it. I think you have a problem with depression which the drink is making worse. It's easy to be depressed when you feel isolated by lack of family, friends, and work. See a doctor you may need an anti depressant and then start going out. No one at your pool is going to pay as much attention to your weight as you think they will. Swim some which will help you get back in shape and feel so much better about yourself. I wish you health and happiness in the future.

 

[Corey123]

One of my brothers was an alcoholic. It was so sad! We watched him drink himself to an early grave!

I didn't realise how serious his illness was, until his 2nd wife told me. I used to buy beer and liquor for us both whenever we got together, not even realizing that I was enabling him! He was my very closest brother and we were alway there for each other.

We always had so much fun together an made each other laugh. I would often go to Columbia, SC where he and his 2nd wife lived. Not knowing how dangerously wrong I was about buying him beer and booze, I just wanted him to be happy, which he always was. The liquor store was the first place that we went to to stock up.

He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But he didn't like pricking himself to check his glucose level, drank even more and ate unhealthy foods. He had a stroke, was taken to the hospital for treatment, but he died several days later after having gone into full cardiac arrest!

His wife wanted to try to donate his liver since he was an organ doner and she had a friend who needed a liver transplant, but the liver was no good. I believe my brother had the start of clerosis of the liver.

He was only 43. It was so sad and heartbreaking!! It was too late to try to get him to change his ways. I'll NEVER find another brother like him!!

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

Thank you everyone for your support and help. My whole AA class viewed this thread. MANY MANY comments. The biggest is for everyone to realize that this is a disease. Tough Love dosent usually work.
But everyone was VERY happy to see some others that support me. People that have a similar affliction tend to be the people that understand the most. Its difficult for 'outsiders' to grasp how this grabs people.
I want to appologize to GB for rude comments I have made. Im still ticked but it wasnt logical to type them down for all to see. So, GB Im sorry. BUT.... please understand what we are going through. Every DAY is a fight.

Anyhow, this is just another FUN entry on what is means and how it is to be an alcoholic. If folks can relate please call AA. There is someone there 24/7.

 

[Corey123]

I wish you good luck on trying to get the professinal help that you so desperately need!

There are of course, three things;

1. Admitting that you've got a drinking problem.

2. Trying to get the help needed.

3. Sticking with the plan and getting off alcohol once and for all.

And you cannot ever go back to drinking alcohol again. Because you'll be right back there again.

To make sure that you don't slip back into it, there IS a drug that's called anabuse. What this drug does is, once you start taking it, it makes you very sick to the point of vomitting if you take a drink of beer or booze. You might want to look into it.

It COULD make the difference between staying alcohol-free and living a long healthy life.

 

[GB]

Thank you everyone for your support and help. My whole AA class viewed this thread. MANY MANY comments. The biggest is for everyone to realize that this is a disease. Tough Love dosent usually work.
But everyone was VERY happy to see some others that support me. People that have a similar affliction tend to be the people that understand the most. Its difficult for 'outsiders' to grasp how this grabs people.
I want to appologize to GB for rude comments I have made. Im still ticked but it wasnt logical to type them down for all to see. So, GB Im sorry. BUT.... please understand what we are going through. Every DAY is a fight.

Anyhow, this is just another FUN entry on what is means and how it is to be an alcoholic. If folks can relate please call AA. There is someone there 24/7.

Do not assume I do not know what you are going through DS. Do not assume I do not know that every day is a fight.

What I am saying to you is stop making excuses and get off your butt and do something. Don't tell me that you are bored so you are going to drink when you don't have a job. There are a million and a half activities that you could be doing to get yourself a job instead of drinking. Don't tell me that you won't go to the pool because you are overweight. How do you think you lose the weight??? This is a case of you feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to lose the weight then do something about it. It really is as simple as that. Saying you don't look sexy so you won't go tot he pool is an excuse. The sooner you wake up and see that the sooner your situation will change.

I truly hope you clean up DS. I would like nothing more than to see you succeed in getting clean. It is up to you though and no one else and you can make all the excuses you want, but you are the one those excuses are hurting.

 

[-DEADLY SUSHI-]

Its ****. And its not logical. Every day is a challenge. If I could find it and smash it I would. Its messed up my llife in so man ways.
Before alcohol my life was ****. The stuff I've been through has been like knife in the heart. Maybe thats why I drink. If I wrote a book no one would believe it.

 

[buckytom]

sush, if you want to meet women, and get a job, and stop drinking, just do it. period.

if you want to be a loser, then continue on with drinking. it's as simple as that. look in the mirror everyday, set a goal of what you want to accomplish, and just get through that one day.

and please don't think you're the only one who fights daily battles. gimme a break.

flip the page, man, this book is getting boring.