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Old 12-20-2006, 12:55 AM   #1
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Anger and Guilt..

I hate to bring this up now with Christmas just a few days away but I am really going through a rough time now. This started last Sunday while attending a dear friend's 80th birthday party. Then again while with my son shopping..the tears start and I can't stop them. I called my doctors office today and he wants to see me tomorrow afternoon. I know he is going to recommend Grief Counseling but how can they make me feel any better??


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Old 12-20-2006, 01:51 AM   #2
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Christmas isn't a happy time for a lot of people. According to the statistics, it's a time when many relationships break up, when family fights happen, and of course people die at Christmas just like at any other time of the year.

You don't tell us what precipitated your tears, and you don't have to. Just know that there are people who care about you, and right now, even though I don't know you, I'm one of them.

You are sad and depressed, whatever the cause, and if you're grieving, then that easily explains it. Take it from one who knows - grief counselling will help tremendously. I'm having it at the moment, as it happens, having recently loss an ex-partner and dear friend.

If the doctor prescribes you some tablets - take them. Don't be frightened by all the tales that they're addictive, and that sort of thing. You really need something to 'take the crest off the waves' right now. Just remember that you should see your doctor regularly while taking these things, and don't just stop them - you must gradually reduce the dosage over time, otherwise you might well come crashing down again, and you don't want that! If you find that one tablet doesn't suit you, there are plenty of alternatives that will. Just let the doctor monitor you regularly.

Also remember that there are no right or wrong ways of feeling or showing grief. It can hit you any time, anywhere, and usually when you least expect it (or want it!). Shed your tears, express your feelings in any way that relieves the sadness. Use us here on this forum as a vent, if you want. We've all been there at some time, needing a wailing wall and a hand to hold.

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor. I hope you follow his advice. Of course, if he says 'snap out of it!', get up and walk out and find another doctor!

Here's ((((HUGS)))) coming at you! You WILL get through this rough patch, you know!

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Old 12-20-2006, 01:56 AM   #3
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Dearest Marge,

You will never know if they can help you unless you try. Go to at least 3 sessions and see if this is for you. You can't do it alone. Please go and get help. You know we are always here. We love you very much.
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Old 12-20-2006, 04:23 AM   #4
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Marge, I can understand that you may be in a bit of depression - after all it hasn't been that long since a very important part of your life was taken away - and to add a season of celebration to that - can bring up lots of thoughts and feelings. I'm not comparing the loss of my father to the loss of your husband, but I remember the Christmas after my dad died in September, I felt so very sad and even guilty if I enjoyed any of it. Perhaps you haven't worked through all of your grief and the counseling may truly help with that. I hope you get what you need and are able to have many pleasant memories to help you. Thinking of you.
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Old 12-20-2006, 05:29 AM   #5
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Sadness and tears are very normal, time is the healer. Just remember Paul is still with you through all the holiday seasons, (he is right by your side). May God be with you and give you Peace. Merry Christmas to you and your family , Barb L.
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Old 12-20-2006, 06:10 AM   #6
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There is one thing true about grief--you cannot choose the time you may express grief in whatever form. Sometimes the tears come for unknown reasons. While going to a counseling session may indeed help you overcome your overall feelings, I think you are expressing a healthy reaction to a tremendous loss (which I do not know about). Friends should support you in that.
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Old 12-20-2006, 07:20 AM   #7
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Marge, the words written here are true. I am praying for you and your family.
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Old 12-20-2006, 08:05 AM   #8
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{{{marge}}} Like everyone has said, what you're feeling is so normal and to be expected, especially this time of year. Please go to your doctor's appointment and just see what he/she has to say. Trying new things to feel better might be really uncomfortable at first but it will hopefully pay off in the long run. Remember we're all here for you, too!
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Old 12-20-2006, 09:03 AM   #9
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Marge I'm going through my first holidays without my dad so I can relate to how you're feeling. It is normal. And believe me grief counseling can and will help you along the way. It just takes time.
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Old 12-20-2006, 10:54 AM   #10
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Marge: the tears are to be expected. This is your first Christmas without your Beloved... It stinks, I know...but the grief counseling can and almost certainly will help you to understand your feelings, and even perhaps to get over those incredible lonely feelings.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers all through the season... but don't try to do it by yourself.

You also have a large and loving support group here, but unfortunately we can only send cyber hugs. Right now I'm thinking you need a boatload of real ones...

Wine is the food that completes the meal.
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