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Old 05-30-2018, 10:53 AM   #1
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Annoying relative finally left

Wife's cousin is not welcome in the rest of their family because he's an arse who has never made an effort to be even remotely nice/civil. But my wife is very forgiving and inclusive and is the only one who talks to him besides his parents (who don't like him much either).

So he showed up with 2 hours notice last week. He then stated "I will stay until Wednesday" without asking if it was OK. Sheesh.

He does try hard to be on his best behavior around her. He doesn't want to burn the bridge to the last relative (my wife) who is willing to talk to him.

My wife is recovering from a spinal operation last year, so I have to do all the cooking and cleaning. Her cousin happily sat there while I waited on her AND him. Grrrrr. He never washed a single dish or helped prepare any food, set the table or food trays, etc.. I grilled out 5 out of the 7 days he was here, but he never did anything to help. He could've emptied out the old briquettes, prepared the chimney starter with new coals, paper.

My wife says: "he doesn't help with stuff like that. His parents do it." He still lives at home with his parents (200 miles away) even though he's 45 years old. It boggles the mind. Even a 10 year old kid has household chores to do -- washing the dishes, setting the table, etc..

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Old 05-30-2018, 11:06 AM   #2
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So you have great self restraint. I'm glad your ordeal is over. I have a relative that's annoying and takes more than she gives. She's not welcome to stay here any more.
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Old 05-30-2018, 11:55 AM   #3
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This immediately reminded me of a news item from last week...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.1c9738e1379d


I left home after high school and never looked back...
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Old 05-30-2018, 12:40 PM   #4
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While it's easy to blame the useless houseguest, it sounds like his parents are equally at fault for allowing him to freeload for 45 years. It seems that he's gone through life expecting family to cater to him and has never been taught that's not how the real world functions.
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Old 05-30-2018, 01:31 PM   #5
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As Ann Landers used to say, people can only walk over you with your permission. If someone announced to us that they were staying for a week, we would tell them that's not going to work for us and this is how long you can stay.

Most grownups are capable of learning that what their parents did is not the only way to think or behave and can change their behavior if they want to. But as with children, if people don't suffer consequences from their behavior, they don't have much incentive to change.
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Old 05-30-2018, 05:45 PM   #6
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We all have at least one of those folks in our lives.

When he arrives for a visit try to make a point of not entertaining him.

Give him the rundown on where things are to fix his own breakfast or lunch, delegate some small chores to him and if you have plans that don't include him go about your business and let him fend for himself.

I'm not saying to be mean or ignore him just treat him like a member of the family, it might be a new and refreshing change for him.
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Old 05-30-2018, 05:50 PM   #7
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Huh, reminds me of my wife's sister. To the T (or whatever the expression is)
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Old 05-30-2018, 06:52 PM   #8
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Every house guest brings you happiness. Some when they arrive, and some when they are leaving

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Old 05-30-2018, 07:47 PM   #9
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JD, my question is why didn't you speak up about his lazy ways in your own home? What's up with that?

You could have told him what was expected of him at the appropriated times you needed help!! Normal house guests offer to help, but if they don't, they need to be told what you need.



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He never washed a single dish or helped prepare any food, set the table or food trays, etc.. I grilled out 5 out of the 7 days he was here, but he never did anything to help. He could've emptied out the old briquettes, prepared the chimney starter with new coals, paper.
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Old 05-30-2018, 08:32 PM   #10
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Leave a list of house chores in the morning when you go to work..either they will do them or will be gone in a day or two... worked for one of my ex wife's nephews..had the nerve to give me the finger when he was driving away in the cab..lol..good times...
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