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Old 02-28-2013, 10:34 PM   #21
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I understand, Alix...but I also understand the side of the bullied and what goes through their minds when it won't stop. My incident with my nephew was 25 years ago...there were no resources for bullied kids and nothing their parents could do if it continued. I made it the responsibility of the Superintendent of Schools to make sure it stopped and I was willing to go to jail if I had to make my point. And my nephew...even now when he has doubts, does NOT doubt that his Aunt Fiona loves him completely and totally.
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Old 02-28-2013, 10:48 PM   #22
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A lot of it comes down to group mentality. I haven't seen a whole lot of individualized bullying for awhile (good!). Parents definitely need to contact the school if this is happening to their child, and if it isn't dealt with, go up the chain.

PF, good for you!
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Old 02-28-2013, 10:54 PM   #23
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PF, I completely understand and applaud your action. I'm not trying to excuse or condone ANY kind of bullying. Quite the opposite actually. I've been the victim of some fairly serious bullying. Although in my teen years we didn't call it that. It was called "rite of passage", "froshing", "hazing", "boys will be boys and girls will be girls". I don't care what you call it, its nasty and we ALL need to stand up to stop it.

That doesn't mean I don't also believe that a bully learns how to hurt by being hurt at some point.

I taught my own kids that if they did all the right things and the adults in their world didn't step up to help them deal with bullies they should go "crazed weasel" and beat the everloving crap out of anyone who was hurting them. I'd back them 100%. I wasn't always there to advocate and protect my kids, so I wanted to make sure they could deal if they needed to.

The bullying that hurts the most isn't the physical kind though. And Dawgluver is absolutely right, girls are the worst. They seem to have radar for how to exclude and hurt others.
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:02 AM   #24
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girls are rotten and have cooties.

until they rip your heart out.

then you meet one you like, surrender all of your natural instincts to her; you have a good time for a while, then she tells you how to feel and what to think or hit the road.

yes, you're right. women are worse bullies ever since "equality" came into play. not that the old male dominated style was any different.

lol. i'm only riffing on the theme. psych 101.

in it's essence, bullies are people who infringe on anofher's right to live freely and pursue happiness.

teach that to your kds and live it yourself. a pedson in a free country holds within himself all the power he or she needs to be happy.
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:53 AM   #25
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I thought I had unsubscribed to this but I got a notice of a post so read it and now have read all the posts since my last one.

I totally agree with what most of you have said about the bullies. Like I have said, I have had a lot of personal experience with many, male and female. A good friend of mine is going through a rough time right now with her son being bullied repeatedly by the same two boys. The parents of the bullies say that it is her son that is causing all the problems and the school and police are siding with them.

My main concern is for the Amanda Todd's and others of the world who are young and end their lives because they have been bullied and have not been able to get help. It is like with high profile murder cases...the perpetrator gets more attention than the victim. Hmm, if only bullies could be charged when their victim takes their own life...but with the system we have today it would be too hard to prove.

My reason for wearing a pink shirt was to show the victims that people care and want to do something about it, and secondly to show the bullies the more attention that is brought to the problem, the less power they have.
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Old 03-01-2013, 01:21 AM   #26
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well said, lp.

but what scares me is people labelling kids as bullies too early rather than identifying the problem in being with their parents.

my son was attacked by a kid in first grade, and everyone was ready to call this kid a bully since he had done it once or twice before to other kids.

the poor kid definitely has developmental problems (was left back into 1st grade to be in my son's class), but from what i've seen of his parents through the scouts, his parents apparently are alcoholics (his mom often showed up at scout events smelling of alcohol, and his dad did too, who is an immigrant polish plumbing and electrical contractor - in my neighborhood, that's 'nuff said. sorry about the stereotyping, but come around my block on recycling day to see what i mean).

my wife tried to talk to this kids' mom to try to help out, but after the kid started violent episodes against other kids as well as mine, everyone pulled back expecting the school to handle it. they tried, but lawyers got involved and nothing was done.

i tried to help as his cub master, but was warned/threatened to stay out of it.

now the poor kid is hanging in the breeze with no support or guidance, and a tag that he's a bully and troublemaker.

whom does that serve?

what about a kid that just has a few bad days because of a broken home? is he or she a "bully"? how many of our children's faults can be blamed on the society at large?

it's up to you to develop a relationship with your kids to know what's going on in their school and social places to be able to teach them how to handle things and to be open and honest with you so you, as an adult, can step in when needed. but with good intention, not with pitchforks and torches.

ok, you may have the soap box back now.

pink shirts are nice, but just a gimmick. dumb people might mistake them for reverse bullying.
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Old 03-01-2013, 02:20 AM   #27
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I will return it back to you - well said Bucky T!

My ex was treated as "mentally retarded" and was shuffled through a special school system where they concentrated on trades instead of education. He learned to cook, fix a car and build a desk, but not reading writing and arithmetic. When he was 30 (about the time we met) he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, dyslexia and tourettes. He had been adopted and his parents did not know much about his birth parents. Even his adopted parents basically wrote him off in some ways, but they did love him and did what they could. He bullied me physically and emotionally and had no sense of remorse or right from wrong. I knew he loved me, but the behaviour became too much for me to handle. Yes he was classified as a bully. But he was also bullied. He was very big even as a child and teen, but he was considered "dumb" and with a short fuse so others wanted to set it off and they did. He didn't have a chance, but I too ended up being one of the ones who let him down because I had my own things to deal with and just couldn't handle it any more. If he had been diagnosed as a child (I don't think they even knew of FAS back then), maybe things would have been different. He has bounced around from job to job all his life. Yes, he is a victim too. But his parents did what they could - the system was much to blame.

As for wearing pink being a "gimmick", I guess you could say the same for poppies, aids and cancer ribbons and yellow livestrong arm bands

I now formerly retire from the soap box!
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Old 03-01-2013, 04:01 AM   #28
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ok, that may have been a bit strong to call it a gimmick, but my point was that psycho-social causes are more apt to be misused than causes for a straight up and obvious physical disease.

lots of people call themselves religious or at least spiritual. how about acting like it?

lamb among wolves, turning another cheek, treat others the way you would want to be treated, and so on. the lessons are there for a reason. and they weren't just minor points, but rather the gist of the entire idea.

forget an eye for an eye. it will leave the whole world blind, to steal one from ghandi.

in context, take good care of all of the kids you know, not just your own sprogs. they will influence your kids, so influence them first. they are your future.

ok, i'm done. who wants the soap box?
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:57 PM   #29
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Buckytom, you put a mile wide smile on my face and made me want to plant a big wet one on you! How beautifully put.

That comment about "it takes a village" to raise kids is so true. And your description of that poor kid in your son's class is exactly why we all need to step up and teach by example.

I just did a group on bullying today. We all watched the movie Bully, and talked about it afterwards. The kids really responded to it and were able to see some ways to manage bullying that are not reactive but responsive. Now we'll see if their words translate into action. Baby steps.

That movie is really powerful and definitely hit some hot buttons for me. It's not for the faint of heart.
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Old 03-01-2013, 09:38 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LPBeier View Post
I will return it back to you - well said Bucky T!

My ex was treated as "mentally retarded" and was shuffled through a special school system where they concentrated on trades instead of education. He learned to cook, fix a car and build a desk, but not reading writing and arithmetic. When he was 30 (about the time we met) he was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, dyslexia and tourettes. He had been adopted and his parents did not know much about his birth parents. Even his adopted parents basically wrote him off in some ways, but they did love him and did what they could. He bullied me physically and emotionally and had no sense of remorse or right from wrong. I knew he loved me, but the behaviour became too much for me to handle. Yes he was classified as a bully. But he was also bullied. He was very big even as a child and teen, but he was considered "dumb" and with a short fuse so others wanted to set it off and they did. He didn't have a chance, but I too ended up being one of the ones who let him down because I had my own things to deal with and just couldn't handle it any more. If he had been diagnosed as a child (I don't think they even knew of FAS back then), maybe things would have been different. He has bounced around from job to job all his life. Yes, he is a victim too. But his parents did what they could - the system was much to blame.

As for wearing pink being a "gimmick", I guess you could say the same for poppies, aids and cancer ribbons and yellow livestrong arm bands

I now formerly retire from the soap box!
LP, I'm very sorry you are a victim of bullying--it wasn't your fault. I am somewhat uncomfortable with this thread because I was in the jock/top group--the cheerleaders, jocks, smart kids living in the right neighbourhoods. We did bully others--it wasn't called bullying then, but I realize it was now--being not nice to the person from the other side of the tracks, the girl who had epilepsy and obese, the girls who got pregnant and weren't married. I feel awful about that--we mocked them, didn't let them join our parties, mooned them when we were out cruising, etc. OMG. Funny thing is that several of those gals are now my friends on FB. But I feel bad--we didn't know better and we also were insecure re: our self-esteem. Fortunately, we didn't cyberbully and what we did was not as bad, IMO, as what is done today. We were, however, still mean, and we didn't have any excuse for that except we were all insecure and we took it out on those poor girls. So sorry, LP, you were one of those picked on--not fair and hard to overcome. You are, from what I can tell on DC, an absolutely beautiful, caring, loving person who thinks of others before herself, you didn't deserve being a victim and I hope that you know how beautiful you are. Those people who bullied you recognized your inner beauty and couldn't compete. You were so much better than they were--the only thing they could do was try to tear you down so they'd feel better about themselves. You rose above that and you are a most amazing, generous, loving person. Be proud of who you are, beauty comes from the inside and you are a beautiful person. Be proud of who you are.
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