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Old 08-04-2006, 09:27 PM   #1
Senior Cook
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 354
Aviation Humor

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely for our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Engineers.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

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P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

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P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

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P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

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P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

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P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

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P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

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P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

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P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

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P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

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P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

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And The Best One For Last:
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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Old 08-04-2006, 10:23 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,694
These have been so cute. Love them.
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Old 08-04-2006, 10:32 PM   #3
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Location: Oregon
Posts: 226
In the Navy we had this one pilot [blond female would you believe?] that griped each aircraft she flew that the DME [Distance Measuring Equipment] was 5 degrees off the end of the runway at a distance of 1 mile. I don't know how many times we tried to explain that if the DME wasn't "off" the runway, she would hit it when she landed

The one about the Pilot saying the IFF didn't work [ran into several similar gripes]. The document was signed off as "OFF does not mean On Full Force!
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