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Old 09-07-2006, 12:39 PM   #41
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Thanks licia, I appreciate that.
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Old 09-07-2006, 01:30 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarionW
Didn't start highschool till the '90's? You aren't old enough to cook! Does your mommie know you have the oven on?


BigDog, I'm only 4 years older than you. Don't let the old folks rib you too much!
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Old 09-07-2006, 01:35 PM   #43
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When I am invited as a dinner guest, I ask the host (if they are a friend), Is there something that you need that I can bring? Even if the host says no, I bring dessert (homemade or bakery), an appy, or a veggie homemade side dish (i.e. Thanksgiving). That's how I was raised. I don't feel it's a matter of generation/age, race, or grammar. IMO, it's about social etiquette skills.

I have attended dinner/parties that were catered, with bartenders and a staff serving food. A gift may not be necessary, but a follow up with a personal note is another way of saying thanks for inviting me, and kudos on a great party.

As an invited dinner guest, (to relatives of a friend I knew for years), I always volunteered to help clean up and clear the table. Since I knew the host(s), it was another way of showing my appreciation. I noticed that noone else ever volunteered -- they were out in the jacuzzi or relaxing. After awhile, I started declining invitations from same. My personal rule now is, I don't offer to clean up. If you come to my home, I will never ask or accept someone's offer to 'clean up.'

One friend I knew, would designate a specific dish for everyone to bring & BYOB. I happily did so -- until the friend kept the dish I brought it in. I never asked for my cookware back, and knew in the future(?), bring the dish in an aluminum tray.

Re borrowing - I don't. If I did, it would surely be returned.

I think it also depends on the crowd/company/friends one 'hangs' with/invites, and the occasion. In some instances, the host gives out 'goodie bags.'

If 'da boss', CEO, etc. invites you to dinner, find out his/her preferences -- maybe a good bottle of Scotch or cigars. Alcohol, is not always the best decision in business situations. Use your best judgement.
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Old 09-07-2006, 05:10 PM   #44
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In the paper this AM Miss Manners column she says....NO you do not take food, drink, or gift to a dinner party. Very poor manners. My husband says that taking food makes the hostess feel that the food she may serve is not good enough or they probably would not like what is served. I consider it an insult to bring food to my house unless it is a potluck. I said it all in another post so I will not repeat. I do not kow where the idea orignated that one takes a gift to a party. Cultural? Perhaps.
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Old 09-07-2006, 05:44 PM   #45
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Interesting thread. If I'm feeding you I usually don't want more food as a gift. On the other hand, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of wanting to reciprocate.

But what really got me thinking was the American Indian custom of potlach. I invite you to a feast for some or another occasion, and I bankrupt myself giving you -- the guests -- more gifts. Anybody know more about this practice and how it got started?
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Old 09-07-2006, 06:08 PM   #46
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I like to bring something.Depending on the size of the party or dinner.If it's a big dinner I offer to bring dessert,appy or bread or something and this way it saves the host/hostess a little work.Usually they are happy for me to do this as Im a decent cook.If not then it may be a bottle of wine or something for the host to use another time whether its wine or some cute cocktail napkins just some little thing.If it's a real casual simple just come come eat with us tonight deal I might only bring the first few ripe tomatoes I grew for them to use later.But I understand a gift for the host usually is some thing they can use at their own discression that it isn't meant for that particular dinner. Of course I always chip in with clean up if they let me.
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Old 09-07-2006, 06:44 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swann
In the paper this AM Miss Manners column she says....NO you do not take food, drink, or gift to a dinner party. Very poor manners. My husband says that taking food makes the hostess feel that the food she may serve is not good enough or they probably would not like what is served. I consider it an insult to bring food to my house unless it is a potluck. I said it all in another post so I will not repeat. I do not kow where the idea orignated that one takes a gift to a party. Cultural? Perhaps.
That is fine, but what about bringing flowers or non food items? I am just curious how you feel about guests bringing you something like that or what you do when you go to someones house.
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Old 09-07-2006, 06:46 PM   #48
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I would think what Mrs Manners is addressing is something to add to the party. I don't think extra food or drink should be taken with the expectation that it will be used at the party - it could confuse the menu. But a hostess gift I don't see anything wrong with that. Even if I do reciprocate at another time, I like to let them know I appreciate the invitation.
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Old 09-07-2006, 06:52 PM   #49
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When I said I offer thats what it is an offer if they dont want me to bring something food related for the meal I dont.But for the most part they are happy with a little help.You need to know all our little parties are on a ranch 45 miles from the nearest town so if some one forgot something for their dinner or cook out Im happy to chip in or add to the experience.
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Old 09-07-2006, 06:59 PM   #50
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That is very thoughtful and much appreciated, I'm sure. If it is a really good friend we're eating with, I usually call and ask if there is anything I can bring, just in case something was forgotten. Sometimes it's yes and sometimes no.
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