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Old 03-07-2009, 09:22 AM   #21
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Thanks everyone for your messages of support. My father died when I was 15 so I am not unfamiliar with this but as many of you have said, your mother holds a different role in most of our lives. The extended family has been so together for the past few weeks to be with mum that now, I and I think most of the others, want a bit of alone time, as well as a return to normallacy. Each time I go to bed, I get pounced on by one of my cats cos even they have suffered as I have barely been here and they have just been locked up 24/7.

First night back in my own bed, I couldn't sleep - not thru grief you understand - but cos my body had adjusted to sleeping on one of those fold-a-beds! My big comfortable bed just didn't do it for me!!! And I had to sleep with the light on, cos again, I had adjusted. (Mum wanted the light on all night as I suspect that as her eyesight failed her in the last weeks, she wasn't sure if she was alive or dead when she woke up during the night. At least if the light was on, she could make out the furniture, etc.)

Now, I am so torn between getting stuck in to packing things up and cleaning or just going to bed and trying to catch up on my missed sleep!! Having spoken with heaps of mum's friends to let them know in the last two days, I have just about spoken my initial grief out.

Life is dynamic. Onwards and upwards, as they say. I shall see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks again.
Penny
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Old 03-07-2009, 09:43 AM   #22
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Penny.
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Old 03-08-2009, 02:01 PM   #23
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So sorry about your Mum passing Penny, Your in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:22 AM   #24
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Thanks Loprraine and Mikki. The things I am now finding hardest is all those incidental comments you make to someone close to you - there isn't anyone to do that with anymore. You know, without having to provide a background story to it. I just try not to say the word "miss" very often, cos that makes me tear up. And stay busy - which as there is so much to do, is very very easy.
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Old 03-10-2009, 11:02 AM   #25
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Dear Bilby:
I apologize for not reading your notice sooner. I can't really say where my mind is these days. I would like to say through prayer and time you will accept and adjust to her absence, after all you have a family with your cats and they need your attention. Did your mother like cats too? I am dog person myself as you probably well know.

As the days slowly go by, I would just treat myself the best way I knew how. If you want to rest do so, if you have energy and ambition to clean then do that. My mom went the same way. Sedated before her time. When someone you love is not feeling well, your love allows them to get relief the best way possible. Never thought I would ever feel this way about letting someone go. Same way I feel about my dogs. Just want the most normal way of life for those we care about.

Words cannot express the sincere sympathy I have for you and your family. Nothing can take the place of a mother. Just be so very thankful you were allowed t he time you had with her before she got so bad. My mother had me when she was older so I always felt that each day was a gift and appreciated her time. The memories are mine. I will hold on to them as long as I can. She would want you to take care of yourself and remember her. Life is truly a gift when there is love involved.

I am thinking and praying for you, Bilby.
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Old 03-10-2009, 11:34 AM   #26
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Penny - you are in my thoughts and prayers. My step-mom passed away last Feb and I know it was really hard to move on (dad passed away about 12 years ago). She had been living with me since dad passed so I could take care of her - and then just overnight she wasn't there. Being divorced I was accustomed to being lonely at times ... but this was the first time I had ever felt totally alone.
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Old 03-10-2009, 03:20 PM   #27
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Penny,
it's going to seem odd for a time..Lonely, frustrating.There will be times when you call out a question and then realize there will be NO answer. I still find myself late at night if I get up and have to pass the sliding door in the family room I stop and look to see if my mother's porch light is on on her mobile home..the home as been gone now for 1 year. When this happens I want to just stand there and cry..I do know that mom is finally happy. As much as she loved my sister and me, my dad was her life and she missed him so much it hurt to here her speak of him. I miss both of them, but know they are walking hand in hand now and happy. I wish you the peace of knowing you did what you mom wanted and she loved you. She had a wonderful loving daughter.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:06 PM   #28
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ITK, Michael and Kadesma: thank you for your kind words. I am used to mum going away every so often for a week or so to visit my brother in the country, so this week hasn't been too bad but I think it will hit me next week or the week after when she doesn't "come back". Luckily I have a lot to get through so will be a bit distracted and I am trying to plan a few social things that I haven't done either ever or in a long time. I try to just see this as another phase in my life but it is hard to maintain that stance.

And yes ITK, mum was partial to cats but I think preferred dogs. Either way, my eldest cat is "ours". I am the only one in my extended family that is animal mad. None of them understand it and all worry about me with the animals cos having so many just doesn't enter into their psyche. Different strokes, and all.
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Old 03-11-2009, 05:02 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Bilby View Post
ITK, Michael and Kadesma: thank you for your kind words. I am used to mum going away every so often for a week or so to visit my brother in the country, so this week hasn't been too bad but I think it will hit me next week or the week after when she doesn't "come back". Luckily I have a lot to get through so will be a bit distracted and I am trying to plan a few social things that I haven't done either ever or in a long time. I try to just see this as another phase in my life but it is hard to maintain that stance.

And yes ITK, mum was partial to cats but I think preferred dogs. Either way, my eldest cat is "ours". I am the only one in my extended family that is animal mad. None of them understand it and all worry about me with the animals cos having so many just doesn't enter into their psyche. Different strokes, and all.
Thanks Bilby for the response! Have been thinking of you and I am thrilled you have and 'ours' cat! I have an 'ours' dog which now is 14 and give him acupuncture treatments (sacrifice) just to 'keep' him here. I always feel he is connection in some way. My brothers all understand and love the dog too. Looks kind of 'alien' with very little hair and moving so slow but we all love him. I am very very happy you have your cats. NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK. Your cats understand you better than anyone. I have heard that cats have their own minds and if they don't like someone will let you know. I don't think dog has same personality.

Take care of yourself and you are doing good by trying to get in social contact. Just don't give up your cats for anyone. What is the name of "ours" cat? My dog is China. Name my mother gave him so my son we aren't changing it. Sure odd now he is getting Chinese acupuncture!
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Old 03-13-2009, 10:30 AM   #30
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Dear Penny, May you and your family be sustained in the death of your dear mother. Do come back and visit and share. Sorry I'm late with this.
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