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Old 02-01-2007, 09:20 PM   #1
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Bridal Shower Advice

Dear Friends;

We've been invited to a wedding (that we really wanted to go to) that is scheduled for President's Day Weekend. We'll be away at a long-planned ski trip in Oregon so, sadly, we will miss it.

Here's the question: Is it appropriate for my girlfriend to give the bride our "wedding" gift at her Bridal Shower since we can't go to the wedding (we've already told her we won't be there)???

Should we buy TWO gifts? We're so confused.

If two gifts are indicated, do you have any ideas for a Bridal Shower gift? What is the tradition where they are concerned?

Signed,
Ettiquettaly Challenged

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Old 02-01-2007, 09:35 PM   #2
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Two gifts would be appropriate, but there is no reason you can not give them both at the shower. Just make sure they know one is the wedding gift.

Are they registered? Most people have registries online that say exactly what they want. It makes the gift giving so easy. Just look and buy early because the longer you wait the more things get bought off the list and you end up with lousy things to choose. Don't forget though, everything on the list is something they want so you really can't go wrong.
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Old 02-01-2007, 10:09 PM   #3
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Z,
GB is right on target about taking both gifts to the shower. Just wrap them in different paper, one a very obvious wedding paper the other one that might say shower on it... The shower invitation will tell you what type it is, a kitchen, bath, and most likely on the bridal registry it will list, the area's of the home and what the couple has chosen to use. The computer at the store will feed you pages of items and tell you if anyone has purchased them or not. That way the couple will get just what they asked for and not 6 toasters and a garbage can

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Old 02-01-2007, 10:17 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Z
Dear Friends;

We've been invited to a wedding (that we really wanted to go to) that is scheduled for President's Day Weekend. We'll be away at a long-planned ski trip in Oregon so, sadly, we will miss it.

Here's the question: Is it appropriate for my girlfriend to give the bride our "wedding" gift at her Bridal Shower since we can't go to the wedding (we've already told her we won't be there)???

Should we buy TWO gifts? We're so confused.

If two gifts are indicated, do you have any ideas for a Bridal Shower gift? What is the tradition where they are concerned?

Signed,
Ettiquettaly Challenged
To me, it's appropriate to give the wedding gift at the bridal shower and just mention again that you wont be at the wedding. I would just give cash! Keeps it simple, no bothering with what to pick for gifts and such. As far as I can recall, and others can chime in here, cash is the most appreciate gift so that the newlyweds can use as they wish.
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Old 02-01-2007, 10:30 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by amber
To me, it's appropriate to give the wedding gift at the bridal shower and just mention again that you wont be at the wedding. I would just give cash! Keeps it simple, no bothering with what to pick for gifts and such. As far as I can recall, and others can chime in here, cash is the most appreciate gift so that the newlyweds can use as they wish.
I personally wouldn't give cash, unless maybe it's my own flesh and blood. But then I've had a hard enough time adjusting to this whole idea of registering for what you want. I know, I know, it's much more practical and all, but it surely seems a bit tacky to advertise what you want people to buy for your .... gift. Maybe eventually we'll all just debit one another's accounts.

I do, however, think it's perfectly okay to bring both gifts to the shower.
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Old 02-01-2007, 10:39 PM   #6
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It is acceptable to bring both gifts to the shower. You can avoid some of the confusion about which gift is which by the wrapping and the cards. Cards stating "A Shower Gift for You" and "Congratulations on Your Wedding" abound. Gift wrap to match is available, also.

I, too, wouldn't give money. I would much prefer giving something tangible that is on one of their registries. Plus, purchasing and wrapping a gift conveys, to me at least, that you have given some thought to the event. This, especially as you state, you really wanted to attend.
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Old 02-01-2007, 11:01 PM   #7
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I guess I was answering the Z's question as to whether they should buy two gifts, so I just thought one gift, money, would be the best route for the newlyweds IMO. But my all means, sure, bring a gift if thats important, I just thought for people starting out, money is the best gift, rather than registry items. With registry items, more than likely, people duplicate, or the couple does not like the item and has to return them.
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Old 02-01-2007, 11:16 PM   #8
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Speaking from experience, our daughter was married a year ago. She and her fiance were registered at a number of brick-and-block stores as well as Internet sites.

There was no duplication of gifts because as gifts were purchased, the store/site removed them from the registry. As a result, there was no risk of 2 of anything unless the bride and groom wished. Things like towels, sheets, etc., of course, were requested in numbers.

One of the nice things about this method is that the pattern, color, size, etc. of items the bride and groom desire is obvious and honored.
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Old 02-02-2007, 03:58 AM   #9
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When the bride & groom have taken the time to place a registry, they are anticipating gifts to furnish their home.
Lifestyles are so different nowadays that a bride may have several small bridal showers (family, girlfriends, work, college, church....to name a few) and this is why a registry is so important.
When is a cash gift appropriate? when the bride or groom's parents pay the expense of an apartment rental (1st month, deposit, last month's rent; all requrements of an apt rental). This cash gift has a value of
$1200 to $2000 +)
When is a cash gift appropriate? When you receive a wedding announcement from a distant relative and wish to respond with a gift; a nice card and $25 is appropriate.
When is a cash gift appropriate? When the bride & groom want an expensive gift and ask for cash gifts. (52" big screen, computer, furniture)
The wedding gifts opened at a ceremony are family heirlooms being passed on to the next generation.
Wedding gifts are usually not opened at wedding ceremonies and wedding receptions. There is a family member who takes charge of the gifts and transports them home because the bride & groom often leave the reception en route to their honeymoon.
When is $5 or $10 an appropriate gift? A tip for the parking valet if the reception is held at an establishment and this person is a servant of the business.
And so on and on as wedding traditions vary from one family to the next.
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Old 02-02-2007, 04:35 AM   #10
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I hate the custom of giving cash--unless it is close family, and maybe not even then. The registry really helps me immensely. I know where they are shopping, what they like in their home ("no brass candlesticks, I see"), how many of whatever they have already received, AND it can be returned for something else. No problem to me.
When I was married, silver was THE gift to give, and in my particular hometown, if you couldn't give a whole place setting, then you gave something else. In DH's town, a piece of silver was "acceptable" and glad I am that it was. We did get settings--but we also got other pieces to fill out settings. This is just an example of wedding "traditions" differering.
I for one do not think you need to buy a shower gift but if the couple is very near and dear to you--and you want to, it is certainly fine to do it.
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