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Old 11-11-2008, 08:54 PM   #21
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When the caregiver's authority is overridden by the parents, it doesn't take long for children to figure what they can get away with. Humans are pack animals, and they test constantly to determine where they are in the hierarchy of the pack. They then exploit the members of the pack who have been downgraded by the dominant members, to increase their own standing and move up the ladder. The lesser members can either stay and remain subordinate, or fight back to regain status in the pack. Often, hierarchy fights end with someone being driven from the pack at the end of the fight.

We are not far from the creatures of nature.

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Old 11-11-2008, 10:28 PM   #22
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My opinion is to catch her when she is in one of her 'very patient & understanding' mood swings.
Present her with an outline of your current job duties including what you are doing 'above & beyond' and ask for a raise.

Before I did this I would be looking for work elsewhere and have some options available to me. Why stay there and get the run around every other day as the mood suits her if it is making you unhappy? In the meantime you are making a memorable impression on the child so just do your best and keep your chin up until something else comes along for you.

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Old 11-11-2008, 11:53 PM   #23
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if it came to a bull in your china closet, unless you want your delicates destroyed, you'd take it by the horns, no?
no one's gonna care for you and your concerns except you.
it's the old saying... stand up or be ready to fall.
do what GrillinFool suggested is my opinion.
ask what they expect your parameters to be.
ask how they want you to execute them.
ask them if they'd noticed the extra work you've put in that wasn't your original job description.
if you do nothing, but keep complaining about the job you chose, then it's you at fault here not them, because so far they feel lucky [I think] to have you and probably aren't mind readers. buck up and be straight, tell them like it is, if you don't like their reception of what you've said or their attitudes, give notice.
...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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Old 11-12-2008, 12:49 AM   #24
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Thanks again everyone. I am working overnight tonight for the parents so they can have a night alone. I'll talk to them tomorrow while they are nice and relaxed, and hopefully grateful about their night out. We'll see what happens.
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:39 AM   #25
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do post back and let us know what the outcome was........
...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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Old 11-12-2008, 09:58 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by snack_pack85 View Post
I am in every definition of the word- a nanny. I am not, however- the parent. I cannot discipline the child. That isn't MY job. When she flat out refuses to do the basics (she's almost three, I should let you know) I can only give time outs and explain to the child why the action is inappropriate.

But, the family has asked me to only give timeouts when they think it's appropriate- which is never. Also, NO ONE knows how well a child is going to react to certian "punishments" etc, except the parents. And they aren't helping. This little girl has been refusing meals, throwing tantrums, and hitting her whole life. And the adults she's known her whole life don't stop it. So then I come along and finally say NO, and there's noone else in her life backing me up.

Yes, I have been trained and have experience working with difficult children but usually I have someone (being the parents) on my side. SOME level of consistancy. NONE here.
I'd add into your negotiations about the discipline. Maybe teach the parents a thing or two. Present it as "you hired me for my expertise in child care. Part of that is teaching proper behavior to your child." It does sound as if they want a glorified house keeper and not a nanny. Thankfully you have a contract on paper. Refer to it to get your review. Being a personal service provider can be tricky. Many who go into that type of work often neglect the business end of things and difficulty standing their ground when it comes to money. They feel crass asking for compensation for caring! Good luck and please let us know how it goes.
I could give up chocolate but I'm no quitter!
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Old 11-12-2008, 07:23 PM   #27
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I got into a similar situation while in high school.
My sister had applied for a job in the classifieds.
She's older than me and wiser too.
Anyway, she decided she didn't want to do it and asked me if I'd like to make all this money taking care of a lady who just had a hysterectomy, can't spell. It was a couple of weeks only, cooking [my passion so fine with me] and light cleaning.
I said, oh sure. How hard could it be and I'll make a buck or two.
She was healed in 12 minutes flat, I stayed hired for 4 1/2 months when I'd had enough and quit. While paying me like a buck an hour, she had me clean things I'd never even seen. What she really wanted was to hire a high schooler, pay them peanuts and have them clean like Merry Maids. I am no Merry Maid and I told her so.

Would you believe she even asked me one day how to spell a word.........
drum roll please..............................the word..................................


Sounds like Jabburs onto something alright.
...Trials travel best when you're taking the transportation known as prayer...SLRC
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Old 11-13-2008, 12:14 AM   #28
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So how did you make out, snackpack? Sure hope you're sleeping easier tonight.
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Old 11-13-2008, 09:23 AM   #29
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yeah, let us know snackpack...........hope it works out for you...........you are between a rock and a hard place aren't you and it's frustrating as hades isn't it?...........you really want to tell her what you think of your treatment but at her insensitive hands and at the same time you need her goodwill to give a nice recommendation............I think that you are one smart lady and are doing all the right professional things...........her end of it I'm of the opinion is a bit more dodgy (sorry I'm not a Brit........but I love that expression.........) Texans have another one but it's not allowed here so I'll stick with the dodgy :):) be perseverent in getting it.............and best of luck :):) a bit of homemade margaritas might help, too

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