Career questions

[snack_pack85]

Hey guys and gals,

I am at a loss here at work lately. I have been a nanny for years now and I have been with many families. Some were really great and some were awful.

Currently I am working with a family that in my opinion is not appreciative af the work I do around here. My original job description was to provide one on one care for the two year old daughter and to do her laundry. The only other specific requirements were to leave the house how I found it, basically to clean up after myself and the child before I left.

I took onto myself the responsibilities of bathing the child daily, making dinner once a week, making her bed, doing the families laundry if there was time for it etc. I also have been asked to extend my days by 30 minutes which wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't already working 10+ hour days.

I said yes, because it seems the mother was in a bind and needed the extra help. My problem is this:
1. I am not thanked for the extra work, almost ever. If I empty the dish washer or do an extra load of laundry I never hear a work about it. It's almost as if they were expecting it anyway

2. I am given very little guidance as to how to deal with some of the childs behavioral issues.

3. The family promised me a review after three months (I've been here almost five) and never gave me one. Which means I didnt get a raise either.

After four months I really expected a small raise, especially with the extra work I am doing. Also, the parents are very flip floppy...one week they are beaming with compliments about how well I work with their daughter and the next week I am giving too many time outs and not getting her "chores" done fast enough and the steak I cooked last night is "tough".

I am trying to get used to them one way but they are all over the place. It's confusing and discouraging.

How can I approach them about these issues tactfully? Or should I just start looking for new work? It's hard to come by around here, and if I quit I probably wouldn't get another nanny job. I'd have to go back to office work, or worse...cashier work...

I need advice in a bad way

 

[babetoo]

i think you need a new gig. start looking and just wait til you find something. it is not fair to you that they expect so much "extra" work. life is to short to spend it in a bad position, job wise.

 

[foodisfood]

i think you need a new gig. start looking and just wait til you find something. it is not fair to you that they expect so much "extra" work. life is to short to spend it in a bad position, job wise.

ahmen.

My mom is a professional nanny and has been for over 5 years. Every time she is miserable with the people (a long as she is not emotionally attached to the kids) she bails. It's not worth being treated poorly, especially when there are plenty of people out there who would appreciate you more than they do. If I were you I would take a stand - tell them you deserve a raise (or at the very least a review) - and if you dont get it, just walk from it.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

- Steven J.

 

[lucky2009]

Maybe a daycare or preschool somewhere in your area is hiring. Call some old nanny jobs so you have references ready.
I probably shouldn't talk, we've been here 2 months and I still don't have a job.

 

[GrillingFool]

I think you should ask them for the review. Prepare your concerns in writing so you can stay unemotional. Be prepared to be fired....
Sounds like you are being treated more like a late teen daughter than a nanny.

Pity Moms can't just be a Mom anymore.

 

[roadfix]

It depends. Are you working through an agency or are you completely independent? Are you paid as an employee under state law? Are you salaried? Either way, you should let your employer know extra time means additional compensation and that they're aware of state labor laws.

 

[pacanis]

My honest opinion?

On #2, the behavioral issues? If you are a nanny then shouldn't you know how to handle them? Or are you a babysitter? I think there is more than a fine line that distinguishes professional care with someone that's doing the job without knowing all the things they could be getting into. Just being honest. If they hid something from you then that's different, but if it's just something you don't know about, learn.

My other opinion is that you cannot give anyone anything and expect to be treated like a professional. I too found this out the hard way in my small business. You end up being taken advantage of, especially businesses of a personal nature. I'm not saying you can't be friends, but you should have stuck to your job description, so you have to lay it on the line for them that you are only going to do the original work outlined to you. Unless they want to pay extra.

 

[quicksilver]

Seems like you lost your professionalism and got too familiar/friendly. You'll lose in the end. And it's a business arrangement and should be kept so. It should be reciprical, and in writing what your duties are, and if extras are involved, those conditions. ie: extra money for extra duties, extra (time & 1/2) for extra hours. You need to take back some control.
I would draft a kind of contract, present it, (ask for more $$ if you feel it's warranted) and have each party sign.
This way there's no room for bad feelings or misunderstanding.
In the meantime, start looking. Also, see if there are any "nanny sites" online.
Good luck.

 

[snack_pack85]

Sounds like you are being treated more like a late teen daughter than a nanny.

Pity Moms can't just be a Mom anymore.

I do feel like I am about to be fired. Lately the mother has asked me to get several extra "chores" done like buying grab bags for the daughters birthday party, going through the childs clothes to see what can be donated, rearranging the toys etc. Well in ten hours I : Take the child to school (get her ready, feed her breakfast, drive her there) depending on what day it is I cook dinner, do the childs laundry, get my activities and lesson plans ready and try to spend sometime with her before lunch,napping, bath time and dinner. WHERE in the worl does she expect me to get the extras done?

But she does. And if it isn't done, boy do I get an ear full. Or just some passive aggressive attitude. She's like this half the time. Then the other half she's very patient and understanding. It's bizzare.

 

[snack_pack85]

My honest opinion?

On #2, the behavioral issues? If you are a nanny then shouldn't you know how to handle them? Or are you a babysitter? I think there is more than a fine line that distinguishes professional care with someone that's doing the job without knowing all the things they could be getting into. Just being honest. If they hid something from you then that's different, but if it's just something you don't know about, learn.

I am in every definition of the word- a nanny. I am not, however- the parent. I cannot discipline the child. That isn't MY job. When she flat out refuses to do the basics (she's almost three, I should let you know) I can only give time outs and explain to the child why the action is inappropriate.

But, the family has asked me to only give timeouts when they think it's appropriate- which is never. Also, NO ONE knows how well a child is going to react to certian "punishments" etc, except the parents. And they aren't helping. This little girl has been refusing meals, throwing tantrums, and hitting her whole life. And the adults she's known her whole life don't stop it. So then I come along and finally say NO, and there's noone else in her life backing me up.

Yes, I have been trained and have experience working with difficult children but usually I have someone (being the parents) on my side. SOME level of consistancy. NONE here.

 

[snack_pack85]

It depends. Are you working through an agency or are you completely independent? Are you paid as an employee under state law? Are you salaried? Either way, you should let your employer know extra time means additional compensation and that they're aware of state labor laws.

I found them through an agency, but signed a contract with the family as an independent nanny. I am a registered trustlined nanny with the state of california. I get health benifits, medical, etc. I have a contract and all it states is the hours I am expected to work, what I am expected to do and when I should have a review. None of those things have been honored.

 

[expatgirl]

snackpak..........next time.......have it spelled out as to what you will or will not do........make it clear that you expect extra compensation for extra chores......upfront.......if they don't want to hire you under those conditions.......then nobody loses..........I'd also ask your next family..........would you like me wash the dishes? I'll be happy to but it's extra time on my part..........I remember babysitting for 3 and 4 children at 50 cents an hour way back in the 70's........leaving their homes spotless.......did NOT eat them out of house and home or drink their liquor or play their stereo or make out with my boyfriend or have friends over..........I also did not tie up the phone line as you never knew if they had to get through......there were no cell phones in cases of emergencies........I was responsible and actually played with their children.........most parents were appreciative but not all......I would do their supper dishes and if they tipped me I'd do them again.......if no tip......no dishpan hands either the next time but I'd soak them in the sink...........had one Mother make me a deal not to babysit for others and then I sat with her children just about every weekend.......good deal to me Hope that things work out for you and yes, it does sound like you've been taken advantage of...........

 

[dkcook]

Two things -1. No good deed goes unpunished! I am also the kind of person who does more than is expected, only to find it is then expected plus some. 2. Never expect praise. Just be happy with the job you are doing and know that you can't do anything about anyone else's attitude.
If you really like this job (and it doesn't sound like you do) work things out with the parents as professionally as you can. If you don't want to stay, look for something more suitable for you, and ask them for references just as they would ask you for references. There are a lot a crazies out there, so protect yourself.

 

[snack_pack85]

Two things -1. No good deed goes unpunished! I am also the kind of person who does more than is expected, only to find it is then expected plus some. 2. Never expect praise. Just be happy with the job you are doing and know that you can't do anything about anyone else's attitude.
If you really like this job (and it doesn't sound like you do) work things out with the parents as professionally as you can. If you don't want to stay, look for something more suitable for you, and ask them for references just as they would ask you for references. There are a lot a crazies out there, so protect yourself.

I love my job. I have been a nanny for many years. It's a great job. The reason I do the extra stuff around the house is because I used to have the extra time. But I think when the mom saw me taking more onto myself she pilled the BS on even more. I don't ever really expect praise. I did expect a raise though.

If they never praised a thing I did that'd be fine. It's all of the extra junk she expects me to do instead of taking care of the child that gets me. Being short with me just adds insult to injury.

 

[Barbara L]

Quicksilver is right (as are some others). You need to have your duties and compensation spelled out in writing and signed by you and them. Like you, I also believe in doing more than I am expected to do, but in this case they have definitely been taking advantage of you. Let them know that you don't mind doing a little extra now and then, but that if it becomes expected of you, you expect to be compensated for it. I would not suggest just quitting, but you may want to keep your eye out for other jobs. As far as websites, I registered with one once. I think it was just called www.nanny.com.

Barbara

 

[snack_pack85]

Thanks Barbara, good advice as always. And to everyone: Thanks as well for the great advice. I do have everything in writing currently. It just needs an update...which will happen...just as soon as I get that darn review

 

[quicksilver]

Turn it around. You do the review.
Start by saying....It's been so & so (how long) and I think it's time we sat down and talked some things over.
Write down what you want to say.
Make it short and to the point.
Like I said before. It has to be reciprical...and equal. Keep it professional (no whining.)
Just...."this is what I am willing to do, profided......"
I know if you take charge, which you have been hired to do,
you'll feel a whole lot better about the job, but mostly yourself.
Again, good luck.

 

[JoeV]

Sounds like a child-centered home with parents who expect you to work the miracles with their child that they are ill equipped to, because of their already too busy schedules. The child is looking for attention and she sure has yours, but the parents should be taking an active role in the raising of their child, which they are obviously not doing.

You are in a lose-lose situation, and if I were you I'd have my resume out to every agency in town. Let the yuppies raise their own bratty child and see how much fun it is. Some positions just never pay enough for all the aggravation they dish out. This is more than a money issue.

JoeV

Father of 3 children who had a mother in the home until they were all in school. Yes, it was tough, but we learned the kids were more important than the careers, fancy cars and expensive houses. The YUPs just don't get those old fashion values.

Sorry for the tirade, it's a sore spot with me. If you don't have time to take care of kids, then don't bring them into the world and dump them on someone else to raise.

 

[roadfix]

I found them through an agency, but signed a contract with the family as an independent nanny. I am a registered trustlined nanny with the state of california. I get health benifits, medical, etc. I have a contract and all it states is the hours I am expected to work, what I am expected to do and when I should have a review. None of those things have been honored.

The law is on your side. You need to remind her of the contract you've both agreed to.

 

[Barbara L]

There's a lot to what JoeV says. It sounds like they don't believe in discipline, and that part of what they want you around for is to have someone to point the finger at when the kid turns out to be a monster.

Barbara