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Old 09-12-2015, 10:59 PM   #1
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Colds And ... Cats

One thing about having a cold in a house with eight cats in it is...there's never a dull moment.

As if sneezing isn't funny enough by itself, it's really a hoot with cats. I can sneeze in this house and at least five out of eight cats go airborne instantly. Then when they hit the floor, they peer out at me from under various pieces of furniture.

They look at me like, "You might want to check and see if you still have your butt. Something just flew out the front door and there's a herd of moose in the driveway."

That leads me to thinking of putting tacks and straight pins in the litterboxes...no, wait...cayenne pepper in the dry food! Let them sneeze their furry little tails off! See if I care! Then I can throw large dog toys at them, sending them retreating to the garage.

Then when you're coughing your head off, they look at you like, "What the heck? When WE sound like that, we get stuffed into a crate and hauled off to the vet. Then we get THAT SHOT. Why don't YOU go to the vet?! You're making so much noise we can't get our required sixteen hours of sleep, you inconsiderate numbskull!!"

Blowing your nose is lots of fun with cats, too. You're loading up the kleenex, getting all that gunk out and all, and they aren't in the least sympathetic. Two of them go down the hall and come back with the toilet snake and drop it in front of you. That's like, "HINT!!"

Then your throat's on fire and your voice gets hoarse. You try to call them for treat time. They look around, saying, "Who let a log truck in here? Where's our treats?"

Of course there's the usual yucky headache that married your cold when you weren't looking. That's when the cats decide to get into it with each other and there are eight cats all doing the cat siren thing and the hissing and spitting. The decibel level becomes unbelievable and it goes through your head like a bullet. Then you yell, "KNOCK IT OFF, DANGGIT!!" ..... and too late. You sound like a marine air horn to yourself and the headache gets worse.

You give up, go to bed, and try to relax while watching air crash disaster documentaries. Good luck. All of a sudden you get at least six cats on you, sharpening their claws all over you and becoming needy. You try to push them off of you but they hang on like starving alligators.

This makes you pick up the phone and call the vet. The vet feels sorry for you, so he delivers eight doses of kitty Valium to your door. The cats don't take it; you do. Then you don't care if they're being jerks and finally you're out cold getting the rest you need.

You wake up and the house is a disaster. While you were zonked out for ten hours straight, the cats rearranged the living room by putting all the lamps on the floor, started a dog hate website on your computer, ate the goldfish, and started a movement called "Cats' Voices" with the help of that deranged nutcase down the street who has 174 cats.

You vow next time, give THEM the kitty Valium, never ever get another fish, glue the lamps to the tables, turn the computer off and don't take more than a thirty-minute nap...EVER.


Adopt a kitty and save nine lives.
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Old 09-13-2015, 12:36 AM   #2
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The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. ~ George Miller
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Old 09-27-2015, 12:20 AM   #3
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I got over the cold.

The cats are still pacing nervously around me like vultures waiting for me to die.
Adopt a kitty and save nine lives.
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Old 09-27-2015, 12:36 AM   #4
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Grandchildren fill the space in your heart you never knew was empty.
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