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[getoutamykitchen]

"Hey has anybody seen my, Sweet Gypsy Rose?"

 

[chefmaloney]

I didn't get any applause, however I did get a job offer at some local nightclub called Dirty Dan's

 

[getoutamykitchen]

Realizing that I was in a financial bind, I jump at the job offer and tried not to read to much into the name of the place.

 

[pdswife]

I knew that it was a big mistake the second I walked in the door!

 

[getoutamykitchen]

As my eyes scanned the room thru the smoke I couldn't help but notice the person on stage dancing what seemed to be the Irish Jig.

 

[pdswife]

Sadly, the 200 pound woman wasn't wearing much of anything, just a green hat and a very tight swim suit.

 

[chefmaloney]

She bore an incredible likeness to Julia Child, (whom I had studied the culinary arts with for 5 years on channel 13).

 

[pdswife]

The main difference being ...the long gray beard that the dancer wore proudly braided down to her belly button.

 

[chefmaloney]

When it was discovered that 'this was no lady' the bouncers tossed her (it) out back on the railroad track.

 

[pdswife]

Now... you'd think that I'd feel safer with her (it) being gone but as soon as she left the stage the two men in the bar began to yell and scream saying " WE want Mable back!"

 

[chefmaloney]

Now.... mind you....I was thinking about how I could take Mable's place by going back to my room in the sleezy motel next door to pick up my green hat and bikini, but I knew I could never pull off the braided beard part.

 

[pdswife]

I decided to go to the costume shop in town to see if they had a fake beard I could use.

 

[getoutamykitchen]

It seems they were all out of fake beards, so I decided to go with the platinum blonde bee hive wig instead.

 

[africhef]

And a itsy-bitsy polka dot string bikini.

 

[getoutamykitchen]

I hurried into my wig and bikini and nervously jumped on stage to take Mable's place at the pole.

 

[africhef]

With my eyes closed I danced to the music, until heard the shocked and dismayed voices and realized I was dancing on my sons high school stage.

 

[pdswife]

"OH, goodness" I thought..."how am I going to explaina this to the PTA?"

 

[getoutamykitchen]

But I soon realized that the high school principle was also clad in a bikini and wig dancing right along side me, and the voices I heard were actually cheers and shouts, along with dollar bills being waved in our faces and tucked in our bikini bottoms.

 

[pdswife]

"This is so going to pay for all those new typewriters" I thought as I continued to jiggle my way around the stage.

 

[getoutamykitchen]

We danced are fannies off all night, only to realize that the money they were stuffing in our bikini bottoms was Monopoly money.