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Old 08-23-2005, 01:14 AM   #1
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Deadly Sushi

I haven't been around much but have just read your thread. I'm sorry about her complaint, and I don't think it will be founded, but it can still be bad for your reputation. I wish you could have been more patient and that you could have found a way to truly be her friend first.

I hope all goes well with your job and, right now, that has to come first. The fact that she has made a complaint against you should serve as a pretty clear indicator that she's not interested with you in the way that you would wish.

Let her go (for now). When you see her, apologize (but be brief)... something like: "I apologize. I really didn't mean anything beyond our friendship". Leave it at that and deal with whatever you need to with your employer. If everything works out THERE, you might (or might not) wish to resume building a relationship with her. But be her FRIEND and do NOT move as quickly as some of the hopeless romantics (sorry, folks) have advised here.

Friendship is more important than 'excitement/passion' if you really want a relationship with this person. Often relationships start with passion and they need to FIND friendship but, if it's going to last, it's the most important element.

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Old 08-23-2005, 08:03 AM   #2
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The Z, I have the highest regard for you and normally I agree with most things you say, but on this point I think I have to respectfully disagree. She has already filed a harassment charge. The worst thing you could do DS is talk to her in anything other than a professional way (and hopefully with witnesses). If you try to talk to her about personal things then that just adds to her claim. For whatever reason she feels threatened right now and continuing to try to talk to her, no matter how well intentioned it is, will hurt you if this ever goes to court.
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Old 08-23-2005, 10:00 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GB
The Z, I have the highest regard for you and normally I agree with most things you say, but on this point I think I have to respectfully disagree. She has already filed a harassment charge. The worst thing you could do DS is talk to her in anything other than a professional way (and hopefully with witnesses). If you try to talk to her about personal things then that just adds to her claim. For whatever reason she feels threatened right now and continuing to try to talk to her, no matter how well intentioned it is, will hurt you if this ever goes to court.

I agree 100%, especially having respect for The Z!! { and yes, I am a hopeless romantic }
Do not try to talk to her now that the claim is filed.
If you do not have to deal with her at all would be better.
Hopefully your job and hers do not intertwine.
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:01 PM   #4
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Definitely do not talk to her right now. I'm normally a big proponent of apologizing, but at this point, apologizing would almost look like an admission of guilt. Anything you say would just stir up the pot.

Barbara
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:30 PM   #5
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Oh, all riiiiight!

Yes, I may have been wrong about apologizing for the misunderstanding. However - - if the job requires interaction it may still be useful (and witnesses are a good idea) because another potential problem might be her perception that the working relationship has become toxic.

Hopefully, the job does not require much (if any) interaction.

Furthermore, my understanding of a founded case of ***ual harassment includes (as others have said) a clear indication that she was not interested which, apparently, didn't happen.
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