Dear Santa

[Jikoni]

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Stella's's Christmas party. It was Judy (London) who spiked the punch with too much tequila. I can't help it if I drank 6 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Chance by Channel.
I thought it was funny when I put Colleta's skirt on my head and danced the chakacha on the sofa while singing `home for Christmas'. I didn't mean to break Stella's's Ipod and don't know why Stella would sue me for theft.
I don't remember calling Fergus's wife a miserable cow---even though she looked like one with pink eye shadow and red lipstick!
And when I threw up on Patoo's husband's shirt it was only because I ate too much of that fish and chips.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Maserati through my neighbor's bedroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a fat giraffe and have me arrested for jay walking

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all pissed and happy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this nice stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and cautiously yours,
Hyacinth (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 3 bucks!

What's yours?

 

[Renee Attili]

Now I get it!



Dear Santa,
I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Leigh's Christmas party. It was Dana who spiked the punch with too much Jagermiester. I can't help it if I drank 100 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like vanilla.
I thought it was funny when I put Cheryl's Thong on my head and danced the Electric slide on the cedar chest while singing `I think your tractors sexy'. I didn't mean to break Leigh's Garage door opener and don't know why Leigh would sue me for speeding.
I don't remember calling Rob's wife a Large Chicken---even though she looked like one with Flamigo Pink eye shadow and baby poo yellow lipstick!
And when I threw up on Sarah's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that Pork Chop.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my el camino through my neighbor's outdoor kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a fancy Horse and have me arrested for aggrivated assault!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all uppity and rough. And I'm really not to blame for any of this silky stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and happily yours,
Renee (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 7 bucks!

 

[Katie H]

This is so much fun, Jikoni. Thanks. Here's mine:

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Suzanne's Christmas party. It was Bernard who spiked the punch with too much Stinger. I can't help it if I drank 58 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like lavender.

I thought it was funny when I put Jennifer's trench coat on my head and danced the rumba on the bed while singing `Sunshine Superman'. I didn't mean to break Suzanne's DVD player and don't know why Suzanne would sue me for hijacking.

I don't remember calling George's wife a fabulous sow---even though she looked like one with blue eye shadow and purple lipstick!
And when I threw up on Annita's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that spumoni.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my bulldozer through my neighbor's attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a collectable dinosaur and have me arrested for theft!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all furry and soft. And I'm really not to blame for any of this slippery stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and clearly yours,
Katie (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 37 bucks!

 

[Jikoni]

I actually didn't know it would be so much fun, but reading the 'letter's' so far, I can't wait to laugh some more.

 

[Jikoni]

Wow, Way to go Renee. C'mon boys, and all the other girl's

 

[Alix]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Cheryl's Christmas party. It was Lyle who spiked the punch with too much hot chocolate. I can't help it if I drank 12 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like roses.
I thought it was funny when I put Sandi's shoes on my head and danced the tango on the ottoman while singing `You Raise Me Up'. I didn't mean to break Cheryl's blackberry and don't know why Cheryl would sue me for arson.
I don't remember calling Matt's wife a hot cow---even though she looked like one with purple eye shadow and orange lipstick!
And when I threw up on Mary Ann's husband's toes, it was only because I ate too much of that bolognese.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Jeep through my neighbor's kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a nasty dog and have me arrested for shoplifting!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all happy and giddy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this cranky stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and speedily yours,
Alix (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 2 bucks!

 

[csalt]

Dear Santa

We're getting a little long in the tooth for those exciting parties I've been reading about.

I'm a little worried because here in the UK they have said on last night's news, " don't travel by train" over the Christmas Season. Tonight they are warning us " Don't travel by car" so Santa dear, as neither of us have ever learned to ski, and it's unlikely to snow anyway, please, please could you stop by and give us a lift to our daughter's on your sleigh? I will bring some mince pies and wine for you and some carrots for the reindeer. Keep this between us Santa as I don't want to finish up in jail for bribery as I cannot afford the bail money.
I cannot honestly say I've been good Santa, but I can honestly say that I've tried.

If you are really related to St Nicholas then please look kindly on all the children in the world and all moving towards their second childhood!

You will get on well with my DH Santa as he's about the same size as you and has a big heart too. If you deliver all your presents first then pick us up, hopefully the reaindeer won't find us too heavy.

Thank-you Santa dear.

 

[pdswife]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Beth's Christmas party. It was Dawn who spiked the punch with too much tequila Sunrise. I can't help it if I drank 33 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like burnt rubber.
I thought it was funny when I put Lisa's tank top on my head and danced the Hula on the ottoman while singing `Seasons in the sun'. I didn't mean to break Beth's digital camera and don't know why Beth would sue me for DWI.
I don't remember calling ROB's wife a tiny worm---even though she looked like one with Yellow eye shadow and Hot pink with purple polka dots lipstick!
And when I threw up on Kristy's husband's toenail, it was only because I ate too much of that fish taco.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my tricycle through my neighbor's basement. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a Large moth and have me arrested for kidnapping!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all scary and furry. And I'm really not to blame for any of this skinny stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and quickly yours,
Sammy two Fingers (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 333 bucks!

 

[jeninga75]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Lisa's Christmas party. It was Chris who spiked the punch with too much everclear. I can't help it if I drank 8 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like clove.

I thought it was funny when I put Justin's underwear on my head and danced the Hokey Pokey on the end table while singing `Supermassive Black Hole'. I didn't mean to break Lisa's alarm clock and don't know why Lisa would sue me for indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Matt's wife a fat chicken---even though she looked like one with purple eye shadow and green lipstick!
And when I threw up on Lori's husband's big toe, it was only because I ate too much of that pizza.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my truck through my neighbor's attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a stinky armadillo and have me arrested for murder!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all silly and stupid. And I'm really not to blame for any of this crappy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and easily yours,
Jen (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 72 bucks!

 

[pacanis]

Dear Santa,
You're always a jolly ol man. Can you please tell me where all the naughty girls live?



Oh wait, were we supposed to use that link thingy?

 

[Dave Hutchins]

Way to go folks great reading

 

[Barbara L]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Christi's Christmas party. It was Shannon who spiked the punch with too much Midori Sour. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like jasmine.
I thought it was funny when I put Penny's sweater on my head and danced the quick-step on the computer desk while singing `The Lion Sleeps Tonight'. I didn't mean to break Christi's DVR and don't know why Christi would sue me for embezzlement.
I don't remember calling Chris's wife a silly chicken---even though she looked like one with peacock blue eye shadow and scarlet lipstick!
And when I threw up on Christi's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that tostada.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Geo Storm through my neighbor's laundry room. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a huge capybara and have me arrested for shoplifting!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all dark and hairy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this fluffy stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and passionately yours,
Barbara (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 5 bucks!

 

[csalt]

Sorry; didn't notice the 'Santa 'link

 

[DawnT]

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Linda's Christmas party. It was Debbie who spiked the punch with too much Jack Daniels. I can't help it if I drank 35 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like chocolate.
I thought it was funny when I put Wanda's bra on my head and danced the strip-tease on the TV while singing `O Holy Night'. I didn't mean to break Linda's Laptop and don't know why Linda would sue me for dwi.
I don't remember calling Jim's wife a wretched mule---even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and purple lipstick!
And when I threw up on Kathi's husband's big toe, it was only because I ate too much of that burgers.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my motorcycle through my neighbor's bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a quiet mouse and have me arrested for speeding!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all nasty and putrid. And I'm really not to blame for any of this large stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and somewhat yours,
Dawn T (Really a nice girl!) P.S. It's only 877 bucks!

 

[Barbara L]

Sorry; didn't notice the 'Santa 'link

That's okay! Your letter was cute and original.

Barbara