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Old 05-02-2016, 03:18 PM   #1
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Dear Walmart Shoppers - LOL!

I got so frustrated one day last year I came home, sat down, and wrote this:

As you know, I'm a customer service manager at Walmart. While 95% of you shoppers are absolutely delightful and brighten my day just by walking in the door, the other 5% of you need some ... refining. This letter is for that 5%.

Dear Walmart Shoppers,

While I am glad to see you and greet you with a smile, do not think I will put up with certain lousy behaviors and habits. Those belong at home.

1. Please put the phone down when you're conducting business at the service desk or the register. First of all, it's rude. Second, I'd rather not hear you cussing out your boyfriend and dropping the f-bomb, and third, when I ask you a question, yelling "I'm on the @#$%&!! phone, b****!!" at me is not the point.

2. The bag carousel is not a playground for your children. It's dangerous and annoying. Please do us all a favor and duct-tape your unruly monsters to the bottom of your buggy.

3. Please understand the self-checkouts are exactly that. Self-checkouts. No, my cashiers are not going to do it for you. They have seven other registers to watch and to be very honest, if you really want to know, no, you aren't that important.

4. If an item rings up at a higher price than you claim, calling me names and blaming me for the discrepancy is not going to make someone come any faster to do your price check for you. Just saying.

5. The speedy checkouts do not have signs on them that say, "Twenty Items or More." The signs say, "Twenty Items or Less!" During last year's store remodel, this prompted me to suggest having an automatic trapdoor in front of these that open up and swallow you on item #21.

6. We ask to see your ID if you look under 40 for alcohol and tobacco purchases. That is a North Carolina state law and is not our way of annoying you. We will especially ask you for ID when for the boys, you have no facial hair, your voices haven't dropped yet, and for the girls, you're not even in a trainer bra yet. Please be aware of this.

7. We sincerely appreciate our shoppers bringing their own reusable grocery bags, and we are very skilled at packing these exactly the way you desire. However, flinging your bags at us and yelling, "Pack 'em! And do it right!!" is highly likely to result in a couple of broken eggs and a hole through your bread. Also, we don't do bugs. Seeing ants and roaches scurrying out of your reusable bags will not prompt us to touch them; therefore, you get the plastic bags and don't bother arguing about it.

8. And for the last time, dearest shoppers, Walmart does not refund items bought at Target, Kmart, Belk's, or any other store. I can't stress this enough.

9. We do not ad-match used items sold on Ebay. That IPhone 6 you've chosen is brand new; the one on Ebay is used and the screen is completely shattered, and you're absolutely not getting a brand-new IPhone 6 for $75.00.

10. Any product that comes into direct contact with bodily fluids is definitely not returnable. Please refrain from returning used pregnancy tests because they were wrong.

11. You might think returning items you claim are unopened will result in us taking your word for it. That's not our policy; we open all boxes and stuffing your husband's old drill into a new box and trying to get a refund on the new drill only makes you look rather ridiculous.

12. If you've put a bigger engine into your truck and the battery you bought two years ago won't fit now, no, we can't exchange it even with a receipt. Please don't even try.

13. Calling us and ordering a MoneyGram over the phone with a credit or debit card number is an exercise in futility. How do we know it's your card? We know this is a scam. Think about it.

14. Speaking of credit and debit cards, when your card is declined, no, it's not our financial system at fault. There are several reasons why this happens, and it's up to you to resolve the issue. We will not call your bank or credit card company, and we are unable to "turn a key" into the register to force the system accept it.

15. Please don't bring your spider monkeys, bearded dragons, and snakes into the store. These are definitely not service animals and we're not convinced, much less impressed.

16. Although Walmart doesn't have a dress policy for its customers, during the summer, please leave a little something to the imagination. It cuts down on the nausea. Oh...and coming into the store in your pajamas isn't very attractive either.

17. Our door greeters check receipts for a reason. Yelling "Racism!", "Discrimination!", or "I'm being attacked!" seriously doesn't work out real well for you. There are things called cameras all over the store, including the entrances.

18. We understand that some of you have health issues, and we're sorry you do. No one likes health issues, and we seriously care about you. However, showing us your colostomy bag and all its contents isn't necessary. Believe me, we'll take your word for it.

19. Teens joyriding on the MartCarts is also unnecessary. They are not toys and not to be used for playing bumper cars. They are there for folks with physical disabilities and we don't think you're cute and we will take them away from you.

20. Last but definitely not least, when we're on registers and closing it, cleaning it, and collecting the returns with the "Lane Closed" sign out and the light off, don't come flying up and start putting your stuff on the belt saying, "You're opening, right?" and get mad at us when we say, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not open." Seriously...what part of the "Lane Closed" sign and the light off did you not get?

We hope this letter will help you work better with us, and thank you for shopping at Walmart.

Sincerely,
CrazyCatLady
Customer Service Manager

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Old 05-02-2016, 03:46 PM   #2
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You are a brave woman. That is a job I could not do.

I am an empire of one. I own my own business and am my sole employee. I used to have employees but came to the conscusion that 99% of the time they weren't worth it, but that's another story...

As far as my customers they are wonderful. Over the 9 years I've been at this location I have fired only two, retrained 4, and made it clear to a few that it would be best if they fired themselves before I had to do it for them. Being an empire of one is the only way to live. I love it.
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Old 05-02-2016, 03:52 PM   #3
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I thought it was the other way around.....the letter should be aimed at 95% of all Walmart customers....LOL....
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Old 05-02-2016, 03:56 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady View Post
5. The speedy checkouts do not have signs on them that say, "Twenty Items or More." The signs say, "Twenty Items or Less!"
If you want to be grammatically correct, the sign should read "Twenty items or fewer."
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Old 05-02-2016, 04:17 PM   #5
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That gripes me, too, as do the signs that say "can goods" rather than "canned goods". There's a tire shop down the road from me that offers "coputer ballancing". A nursery in another town that has a big billboard you can see from the interstate that says they sell "trees and shurbs".
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Old 05-02-2016, 04:27 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LizStreithorst View Post
That gripes me, too, as do the signs that say "can goods" rather than "canned goods". There's a tire shop down the road from me that offers "coputer ballancing". A nursery in another town that has a big billboard you can see from the interstate that says they sell "trees and shurbs".
One grocery store I used to frequent had "15 items or fewer" on the big sign above the checkout stand, the the little sign under the OPEN or CLOSED" light still says "15 items or less"
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Old 05-02-2016, 07:12 PM   #7
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Sucks to deal with uncouth customers, doesn't it? I met up with a couple of them when I worked in a mall. The mall provided free gift wrap services to anyone for items purchased in our mall. When they would complain about us refusing to wrap something ("I'm sorry, ma'm, but you did not buy it here. There is no Filene's store outside of Boston.") or not having the appropriate style wrap for the present ("No, we don't have baby themed wrap. You could have it wrapped in beige and add a rattle to the bow?"), we would just smile widely, point to the sign that proudly advertised Free Gift Wrap and say "you ARE getting your money's worth".

It's equally annoying as a customer when you have to deal with a clerk who is a jerk. They're out there. Just sayin'...

My gripe? WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME A "GUEST" WHEN I'M SHOPPING IN A STORE!!! I'm a customer. A paying customer. "Guest", except when referring to a patron of a lodging facility, implies I have been invited and will be feted at no cost to me. Hmm, I bet if I tried walking out of a store that calls me "guest" with unpaid-for merchandise, I'd be spun around, handcuffed, and marched out the door faster than you can say "price check".
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Old 05-02-2016, 07:52 PM   #8
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Stop calling me HONEY. I'm not your HONEY.
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Old 05-02-2016, 09:24 PM   #9
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BAHAHAHA!
I worked as a Customer service supervisor for most of my working years.
The people that I worked with always said that someday we'd write a book!
Some days I'd want to pull my hair out by the roots, and then others I couldn't stop laughing.
"No Ma'am, I can't turn your phone back on when you haven't paid your bill in over a year. 911 works at all times, you can call for assistance when needed, but you can not keep call the Philippines and talking for hours."
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Old 05-03-2016, 12:41 AM   #10
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...Some days I'd want to pull my hair out by the roots, and then others I couldn't stop laughing...
I worked for the telephone company for eleven years. The longest one was the year I was a service rep in "Special Services" like mobile phones, 800 numbers, and foreign exchange (using a telephone number in an area that was not assigned to the switching office that offered it). In my department, we had more difficulty with the marketing reps than we ever had with customers. I can still hear my boss, Helen, repeat "use the mute button before you start swearing" to all of us in our monthly review sessions!
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