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Old 12-23-2011, 10:43 PM   #1
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Depressed During The Holidays?

i find that no matter what i do, i get depressed during the holidays. to some extent i do know why. is it sadness for christmas's in the past. those of you that know my story, know this is a bitter sweet time of the year for me.

if you do get depressed what do you do about it? i try as hard as i might, the season hurls me into a tail spin. it was the most wonderful season of my life, sixteen years ago. the last time my whole family was all together. then my husband was murdered and that joy plunged into darkness.

not to bring anyone down, but i find it harder and harder to cope with. any suggestions as to what i might do to relieve this sadness i find, this time of year?


"life isn't about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain"
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Old 12-23-2011, 10:58 PM   #2
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Your sadness has deep roots, so the things most of us can say are just going to sound like platitudes. The only thing I can say is to try to do things that are completely different than holidays past. Don't even attempt to re-create the wonderful memories. It isn't going to happen. Give yourself times when you are going to feel sad, and just wallow in it for a few hours with no other plans. A bottle of wine, some chocolate (whatever your particular indulgence is), some time at a beauty parlor (my idea of a nightmare, but not for most of my friends), the old pics, and a good cry. Then put it away. Sometimes doing something for total strangers can help (often doing things for family members can be counter-productive). Like I said, I don't know of your particular situation, but it would put me in a tailspin to. It's not like you can forget it and it will go away. So take a day and indulge yourself completely. Spoil yourself and cry.

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Old 12-23-2011, 11:15 PM   #3
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I am so sorry you feel this way, Babe. I feel this is part of the PTSD, reliving the memories and I wish I knew how to help you. I think it's important that you keep looking at those lovely Great Grandchildren and think of all the good you have brought into this world...those babies are a brilliant, wonderful reflection of you!
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Old 12-24-2011, 12:15 AM   #4
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Babe, I have suffered from the Christmas Blues all my life. I know a lot of it for me has been the struggle between the "true meaning of Christmas" and the commercialization. And even thought it has been 16 years, I still miss my Mom and all the traditions she put in place from food to decorations.

Since I have been in a real deep depression myself over the past while I am probably not the best person to ask advice of, but some things that do ease the pain include:
- Doing nice deeds for others, taking my mind of myself
- Deep breathing exercises, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, slowly and deeply
- curling up with a nice cup of tea and a book or a good (happy) TV show or movie
- Talking to people - DC fits that space for me quite well.
- Surrounding myself with family and friends.

I will pray for some relief for you, Babe. You are a very sweet person and I wish I could be there in person to give you hugs and a shoulder. PM me if you need an ear. {{{{{{{{{{{{{Babetoo}}}}}}}}}}}}}
"Variety is not just the spice of life, it is the key to life" - Chef Michael Smith

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Old 12-24-2011, 12:51 AM   #5
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Babe my Kid brother suffers at this time, the last few yrs of my Dads life were bad and he found it hard to help.He will be here in a few hours, he is normally crazy fun to be with. I think that this sadness is a way of proving to himself he loves and misses Dad.
We spend as much time outside as we can walking etc, we dont eat on the big table.There is really no point for me to carry on Babe this is nothing to be ashamed of the word closure is a load of bollocks you have to find away to live and manage your grief. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.
I was married by a judge, I should have asked for a jury.
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Old 12-24-2011, 02:40 AM   #6
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The ghosts come to visit me each year at Christmas and I have learned to enjoy the time I spend with them. Then I get out and enjoy the living!

Those great grandchildren are the best cure for the holiday blues. Make some great memories for them so that when the ghosts come to visit them they will be able to smile!

Have a great Christmas babe!
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Old 12-24-2011, 05:09 AM   #7
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November is my "blue" month. I hate November--if I had my druthers, I would sleep through November to make it go away. I also hate Christmas--I loved Christmas for years, but because we don't have kids, and it is not possible to travel to see family (dogs, distance, etc.) I find that the Christmas season is the time of year where I really feel life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to turn out.
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Old 12-24-2011, 06:09 AM   #8
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Babe2, my daughter was murdered also. She left behind five small children. One of them was just an infant. I have chosen to remember her life and all the fun she brought into our lives. Whenever the family gets together, her name will come up and pretty soon we are all laughing. As her children have grown up and ask questions about their mother, we have chosen to tell them the happy side to the answers we give them. When we sit down to a family get-together and her name comes up, we always mention was a great cook she was. We tell the kids how she would make a meal for some of the street people. She couldn't stand to see anyone hungry.

You HAVE to make yourself see the good side. Eventually, it will become habit. The first year was pure hell. How do I handle my own grief and that of her kids. Her oldest child was sixteen. The two of us walked around in a daze. It was so bad for my GD, that I had to take her out of school and have her home schooled. Her youngest daughter looked just like her. Sometimes I felt so much anger towards her for it. Her kids were walking on eggs around me. When I saw what I was doing to them, I HAD to pull myself together. Since then I love the idea that her youngest looks like her mother. Her oldest daughter has kids of her own now and we talk about how her mother would have loved them. Her oldest daughter looks just like her mother also.

It is not easy. I still miss her come family times. We all do. But there were fun times. And we choose to remember her in that way. Maybe you need to seek some professional help. Start talking about the happy memories, not the bad ones. It is all right to feel happy. You need to give yourself permission to do so. And I am sure your husband would want you to.

Start asking yourself some questions. Is your sadness based in anger because he left you? Would he want you to feel this way, year after year? Are you being fair to the rest of your family? Are you angry because your family has gone on with their lives and you are stuck in sadness?

My heart goes out to you. I have been there and have gone on with my life. You can do the same.
Illegitimi non carborundum!
I don't want my last words to be, "I wish I had spent more time doing housework"
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Old 12-24-2011, 07:52 AM   #9
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I have fought depression all of my life, til about 20 years ago, when I first heard of Prozac. Anti-depressants have saved my life, literally. I don't think I would be here without them.

Find a doctor you can trust, and talk to him/her. No shame in it--no more than taking insulin or any other medication.

Exercise, sunshine, happy thoughts all have their place, but if you have tried those and are still suffering, medication may ease your pain.

My best to you--depression is the pits.
I just haven't been the same
since that house fell on my sister.
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Old 12-24-2011, 07:59 AM   #10
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wow, really great replies, everyone.

babe, i wish you could come to our family celebration for christmas. there's so many people, so many conversations, so many little ones about that there's no time to be anything but happy to be sharing another year with the loved ones still around.

it's an easy thing to say and difficult to accomplish, but i truely believe in the expression that people are as happy as they make their minds up to be.

if it means anything, know that i'll be thinking of you on christmas, wishing you were here.

in nomine patri, et fili, et spiritus sancti.
beidh ar la linn.
wisdom is often in short supply within ones' ego.
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