I know I said that it was what I wanted
I'm quite aware of what I said. On Sunday morning, I was under the impression that Nick and I would be leaving together. On Sunday evening, he told me that he was staying behind at his current job until he could get a teaching job, which puts us to at least October. We had already chosen an apartment together and signed the papers to be put through.
I know that people have it worse - there is usually always someone who has it worse, no matter what happens - but it doesn't stop someone from feeling the way that they feel. It doesn't change the fact that I am still going to be sleeping alone, I will be cooking for one, etc. Yes, the the idea gets easier as time goes by, but only to a certain point. Yes, I feel that it is important for me to go, which is why I'm not calling my new job and telling them I'm not coming. I know I am paving the road for us, but I'm not saying it will be an easy road to make.
As someone told me, knowing you are leaving for the time before you actually leave is the worst part of the process. I know that once I leave and am settled I will be able to turn my full attention to my career and show them what I've got. It will get easier, but we will still miss the hell out of each other, even more so when we lay down at night to sleep.
GG, I know a little bit about how you feel. My dad was away for most of the time I was growing up. As a result our relationship suffered alot. I also saw how hard it was on my Mother. Nick was considering joining regular force (he is reserves right now) but I talked him out of it and showed him the benefits of teaching in Ontario, which are comparable and don't include the moving every three years, deployment, and hardships.