I can only please one person a day.
Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't
look so good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and other days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself "Where the heck is the ceiling ".
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, ALWAYS keep on finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affair of dragons, because you're crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is someone else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They bring you down to their level then beat you with experience.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you're going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you don't know what to do walk fast and look worried.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by asking yourself " How would the Lone Ranger handle this " ?
Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line.
Bring ideas on and entertain them royaly for one of them may be the king.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving isn't for you.
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
When everything is coming you're way, then you're driving in the wrong lane.