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Old 06-21-2005, 10:05 PM   #6001
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I'd like to sample some of that cheesecake...gotta make sure it's up to Cafe standards...

First joke:

The Ugly Duckling




Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven:
don't step on the ducks!"


So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a
duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes
St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly
man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all
eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
... very tall, dark hair, and muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word and walks away.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you
for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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Old 06-21-2005, 10:06 PM   #6002
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thier i'd love to hear the jokes. i'm a non-drinker too.
heat... yeah i think they might sell. these guys still
look pretty hungry if you ask me !!!! lol
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:06 PM   #6003
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thanks, middie. there's not a cure, and her last days are coming very soon, but with the lasix she might last for at least a FEW more days. that little sweetpea had a good life, at least. she's spoiled rotten. man, i love that cat.
well, do you guys need any help with the crowd?
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:08 PM   #6004
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oh their lmao. that's funny !
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:10 PM   #6005
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Last Respects

At a motivational seminar, three men are asked to come up to the stage.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:10 PM   #6006
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oooh luvs... can you bring in the appetizers that are still in the back ??
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:12 PM   #6007
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WoW!!!! Middie that dude is getting smashed!! Rowdy fer sure. Hey Sushi Can we turn up the music a little bit? I cant even hear Toby Keith singing "I Love This Bar"? Their, whatcha think of the Cheese Cake?
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:14 PM   #6008
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My Three Sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom
enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church
12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the
chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent a letter to each son. "Milton," she wrote one son,
"the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the
time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to
know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:15 PM   #6009
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Heat, the cheesecake was delish. *Burp*
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Old 06-21-2005, 10:16 PM   #6010
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roflmao their that one's even better !!
heat think we should hire a few bouncers
just in case. sush dissapeared !!!
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