Does Anybody Else Have A Spouse Who Doesn't Drink

[sydfan]

And doesn't like it when you drink? Man I freaking HATE that!!! I don't get drunk...EVER. But I love a couple of beers and a glass of Scotch on Sunday evening. The wife (whom I love dearly) will come down and see me drinking and give me "the look". SON OF A BUCK!!!!! I'm just having a couple beers!!!!



And a glass of Scotch!!!!

 

[Ishbel]

Well so long as the whisky was a good single malt...

 

[Run_Out]

Drink a few beers everyday that way she will get used to it and it won't shock her system.

later

 

[texasgirl]

Are you the type to get mean or just an a$$ when you drink? A lot of people don't have to drink a lot to be this way or like to paw at your wife and she doesn't care to smell the beer or scotch on your breath. Could be that you don't realize it.
I hated the smell of liquor on dh's breath. And he was a mean drinker. He was okay if it was just beer, but, add some liquor and he was hateful and just downright mean!! When I smelled it, I dreaded the evening!!
I'm not saying that you are that way, just giving you a look from the other side of it. Now, dh can't drink. I will drink a glass of wine each night, if I have the money, but, that's it, unless, there is a party, then, I still watch because of meds, but, it doesn't bother him. So, why don't you ask your wife why it bothers her. Your not out driving and acting crazy. Maybe she will tell you what bothers her about it.

 

[sydfan]

Are you the type to get mean or just an a$$ when you drink? A lot of people don't have to drink a lot to be this way or like to paw at your wife and she doesn't care to smell the beer or scotch on your breath. Could be that you don't realize it.
I hated the smell of liquor on dh's breath. And he was a mean drinker. He was okay if it was just beer, but, add some liquor and he was hateful and just downright mean!! When I smelled it, I dreaded the evening!!
I'm not saying that you are that way, just giving you a look from the other side of it. Now, dh can't drink. I will drink a glass of wine each night, if I have the money, but, that's it, unless, there is a party, then, I still watch because of meds, but, it doesn't bother him. So, why don't you ask your wife why it bothers her. Your not out driving and acting crazy. Maybe she will tell you what bothers her about it.

I'm never mean, and I'm never "drunk". I may have a bit of a buzz but that's it. She feels as though I have an addictive personality and fears that I will overdo it, but I have shown her over the last year that I don't abuse it. I don't paw her, I don't get obnoxious, and as a matter of fact prefer to sit by myself in my comfy chair. I would have a glass of Scotch every night if it didn't upset her. Not half a bottle, but about two shots worth. I don't usually sit down for the evening until about 9:30. I'd love to sit and have a glass of Scotch while unwinding from the day, but out of respect for her, I limit it. I suppose I'll just have to deal with it and she'll have to deal with it too.

 

[AllenOK]

Moderation in everything!

I drink about 5 or 6 six-packs of beer a year. The only reason I even buy any is to cook with it, but I usually only need one, so I'll drink the rest, one a day, until they're gone. Of course, PeppA, my DW, can't stand the smell of beer on my breath.

Does your wife have (or had?) an alcoholic relative? My grandfather was an alcoholic, and it ended up killing him. My grandmother has been on a mission to preach the evils of alcohol all her life. My father never touched the stuff.

 

[Constance]

Does she disapprove of alcohol in general? Perhaps she has religious reasons?
Or is she just trying to control you?

Life is too short not to enjoy every moment you can. Have your beer and mix her up a Pink Lady. Maybe she'll loosen up a little.

 

[urmaniac13]

How long have you guys been together? I suspect that she had previous unhappy experience(s) with someone, either partner or family member who had a nasty habit with alcohol.

I think you should get down to the root of her "phobia", to understand what really bothers her. I hope she will come to the realisation it is okay to enjoy a little alcoholic beverage in moderation. I always hated people getting intoxicated (which my exes did on occasion), fortunately now I am with Cristiano, who enjoy a glass or two of beer or wine with meals sometimes, just the way I enjoy them.

 

[Snoop Puss]

I've just spotted your other post on collecting Scotch. Is it possibly because she can think of other ways to spend the money rather than collecting very nice whiskies?

 

[texasgirl]

I'm never mean, and I'm never "drunk". I may have a bit of a buzz but that's it. She feels as though I have an addictive personality and fears that I will overdo it, but I have shown her over the last year that I don't abuse it. I don't paw her, I don't get obnoxious, and as a matter of fact prefer to sit by myself in my comfy chair. I would have a glass of Scotch every night if it didn't upset her. Not half a bottle, but about two shots worth. I don't usually sit down for the evening until about 9:30. I'd love to sit and have a glass of Scotch while unwinding from the day, but out of respect for her, I limit it. I suppose I'll just have to deal with it and she'll have to deal with it too.

Well, good luck. You need to just ask her why she is so against it. You might find that she has a reason, whether you understand it or not, and just tell her that seeing that your not out of control with it, shows that you just drink to relax, not to get drunk. Hope it works out for you.
I have a glass of wine each night, when I can afford it, so, I know what your saying about winding down from the day to relax, even for a few minutes.

 

[mish]

And doesn't like it when you drink? Man I freaking HATE that!!! I don't get drunk...EVER. But I love a couple of beers and a glass of Scotch on Sunday evening. The wife (whom I love dearly) will come down and see me drinking and give me "the look". SON OF A BUCK!!!!! I'm just having a couple beers!!!!



And a glass of Scotch!!!!

I will tread lightly here, and first, suggest you communicate your feelings to your spouse. Going by the anger in your post -- about drinking (a couple of beers), the look, and wanting to sit alone and drink, you don't get drunk - EVER, sends up several red flags. Be honest with yourself, and the people that care about you. My first impression is that you may be in Denial. Second suggestion, go to an AA meeting, and just sit and listen.

 

[GB]

My first impression is that you may be in Denial.

I think that may be a bit of a stretch here. Just because someone wants some alone time and wants to have a drink, well that does not necessarily indicate a problem.

Sure some of the classic signs of alcoholism are drinking alone and drinking every day, but that does not mean that everyone who does these things is an alcoholic or is in denial.

Lets remember that the poster said he is talking about a couple of beers (I am assuming he is talking about 2) and a drink of scotch. He is not getting drunk. He is not polishing off a 6 pack. He is just having a couple of drinks.

I am not saying he does not have a problem. I have no way of knowing if he does or does not. Only he can know that. I am just saying that we should not be jumping to conclusions because a few catch phrases from AA popped up.

 

[middie]

I am the spouse that doesn't drink. He doesn't drink all that much either. A few times a year and it really doesn't bother me except when he starts to get obnoxious and mostly because it's embarrassing to me.

 

[sydfan]

Thanks for your replies everyone. First off, she doesn't have any alcoholic relatives nor a bad experience with an alcoholic. She is a devout Christian, and I'm a Christian too. But I suppose our outlooks are different from each other's. She doesn't believe that drinking in and of itself is a sin. But she feels that if you drink enough to feel the effects of alcohol that that is a sin. I disagree. I don't really believe that being drunk by itself is a sin. There is a huge difference between being drunk and being a drunkard. Being a drunkard is as sin, according to the Bible. I am certainly not a drunkard. I do enjoy the calming effects of a couple of drinks though. And I can assure you that I'm not in any kind of denial. I do not get drunk. My angry faces were out of frustration. I am not a puritan, nor do I want to be. I think sometimes it is just unreasonable that I can't enjoy an adult beverage every evening if I wanted to without a hassle. I do not need my morality dictated to me.

 

[TATTRAT]

Man I feel your plight...I don't see the harm in it besides you getting in some hot water with the misses. If I were in your shoes I would communicate my case to my spouse. I would also say that I take care of all my responsibilities, I work, all the bills are paid, what is the big deal if I want a beverage? You are free and over 21, and it is the LAST legal vice in our society. Not like you are bing drinking, or smoking crack...JMO.

 

[jpmcgrew]

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

 

[Hopz]

How long did you know this person before you married her? Is this a new behavior of hers?
I'm out on a limb here but let me guess there is other "stuff" in your relationship that might be awry?

Like the other guy said--- talk about it... see what's on her mind, let her see what's on yours... Say what you want and do so in an adult fashion. If she won't understand, then well there you go....

Compromise is unlikely to work. If you cut back to half of your consumption you will only resent it, and she will still be mad.

If talk dosen't work consider finding someone who has the same outlook on life as you do. Life's too short.... etc.