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Old 01-03-2009, 11:44 PM   #1
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Location: Paso Robles, CA
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Down in the dumps

My husband and I moved to the Central Coast because I went to school here and I always said when I settled down this is where I would do it. I had a few friends here before and when I moved back I found that some people moved away and most other people I just didn't have anything in common with anymore.

I have been really down lately though, about moving here and not having any friends. My husband never found a job here so he has to drive 2 hours and over 200 miles to get to work. Right now he works graves and the drive is just too much in the early morning hours so he stays near work during the week leaving me here alone for days at a time.

On top of that my relationship with my mother is really strained right now and there are a few other really personal things that are just getting to me. I am sad all the time and I am always alone. I really enjoy being a happy positive person, and I know that is what people are used to but I can't keep up the facade very much longer.

I don't know what to do, and I don't want to bring anyone around here down but lately there may be an entire day where the only humans I talk to are you. You are my link to the outside world right now, my buddies...and I have seen people here really pull together to help others who are going through tough times. And I really think that's what it happening to me. I am in an emotional rut.

Christmas day I got some really awful news. Really awful, and I cried for a second and just went on with my life. Yesterday I spoke with my mother and she brought up Christmas and I just did not want to talk about it. I did talk to her about it for her sake and again I was just numb and when the talk was over I just went on with my day. I still am not "dealing" with the issue and I am afraid that all the stress of being away from my husband all the time with noone to talk to and dealing with this new problem with my family....it's just going to be too much.

wow I wrote a lot. holy moly.

thanks in advance for letting me rant...and rant...


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Old 01-03-2009, 11:57 PM   #2
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Geez this sounds familiar, probably cause I have gone thru the same thing.
Do you have health insurance that covers therapy? If so I would suggest you go to your Dr. and talk about these things. Your Dr. can refer you to a therapist that you can work with as well as prescribe meds to help with the depression if need be.
Also, we can't be your only human contact (remind me to take my own advice when I am done here), nor can your husband be your only support. You need a group, whether it be a support group for depression or the issues you are dealing with directly or just a church or social group to go hang out with and do things with. I prefer church groups, less for your spouse to worry about while you are away from each other.
Anyway, feel free to keep on posting, we are here for you!

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Old 01-03-2009, 11:58 PM   #3
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Snack it's what we're here for. If you ever need to talk you have plenty of "ears" here. Hope things look up for you soon.
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:58 PM   #4
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I am so sorry, Snack. It's not easy having friends, is it? I felt that way when I moved into this cabin. I felt isolated and lonely, after being part of the Navy family.
What I did was to get out and meet folks. I volunteer at the local library, the Humane Society, the Red Cross, and I am a volunteer in a local organization which supports the troops' families. Through this, I have met wonderful, kind, caring people who are wonderful friends now.
I'm sorry your relationship with your mother is difficult. I don't know what to say, but I will pray for you. Ranting is often good for the soul, especially when we encounter difficulties.
Go ahead and rant, and I am sure we will all understand.
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Old 01-03-2009, 11:59 PM   #5
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SnakPack... not sure I can offer any help but to say your hardly alone. Moving is tough. I left a fairly comfortable life in my hometown of NYC to move for a number of reasons. Most of which have really not worked out as planned. Trying to start a new life in a new place is tough... and on top of that you get thrown the occassional curveball that you were totally unprepared for. I have been thrown a few over the past year and expect a few more. I try to keep things in perspective and plug along and be grateful for the good things... sometimes it is hard! Hang in there and no matter how tough things get dont loose focus on the good stuff. Vent all you want sometimes you need to. - Panch
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Old 01-04-2009, 12:07 AM   #6
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So if I understand the place you wanted to live is really not the right place? You DH has to be away most of the week? Your unhappy being alone, you and mom are at odds?..Seems to me you and DH need to sit down, and talk over getting a new home even if it's an apartment closer to his work..You can always make friends, and you have us to talk to until you do..Your married now and should lean on each other. Mom, is due some respect because she is mom, but she does not should not be allow to rule your lives. It's the two of you side by side. If you both really love where you are have DH look for something closer to home..Separation like this is not good for either of you. Now, you need to find something to occupy your time, volunteer at the hospital, or library or a womens shelter...Give of your time encourage the friends you do have, just don't put to high of expectations on them, they may have issues and need your shoulder...Give of it, it will come back to you..And remember, you are a special part of our family here..Let us help when and where we can..PM me anytime if you need to.
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
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Old 01-04-2009, 12:22 AM   #7
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Everyone has given you good advice so far. Kadesma is full of loving wisdom - cherish her words and listen to them carefully. Buddy has had a rough year and knows what he is talking about. Sounds like PanchoHombre has been there, too. I like to use The Serenity Prayer - I borrow it from Alcoholics Anonymous and I know they don't mind:

Oh Lord, please give me the courage
To change the things I can
To accept the things I cannot,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Think about the things you dislike most about your life right now and how you might take action to change them. You will feel stronger and better almost immediately once you begin to take some action. If you have the resources, by all means talk to a doctor. Antidepressants work, and there is no shame in taking them to correct an imbalance in the way your body is functioning. Keep talking to us......we do care about you.
Saludos, Karen
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Old 01-04-2009, 12:27 AM   #8
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Thanks everyone. The dh and I have talked about moving back into his condo (where he lived before we got married) after his renters move out this summer. The condo is closer to our familes, his work and my old (well paying) clients. We haven't figured out how to do that yet though because we own our home now and we would lose about 1000 bucks renting it out and the condo is actually making him money right now as a rental property.

I am part of a church and I love it there. I am trying to be more active in the congregation however I work 11.5 hours a day so spending extra time there isn't always possible. The other issue is that I am 23 and the entire congregation is made up of retired couples. We've made a few friends and we've been out to lunch with them but there's just such a huge age gap that we don't have much in common with them.

I am also in the process of finding a new therapist. Thanks for the advice. It is appreciated more than you know.
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Old 01-04-2009, 01:35 AM   #9
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You sound like you need a big hug! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I think you did yourself a big favor by admitting to yourself (and the world) that you need some help. I don't get to hang out here much, but this is one of the most supportive collection of people I've encountered. Does your hubby know how isolated you are feeling? You mentioned you work 11.5 hours/day ... what about coworkers? You are right to reach out ... hang in there!
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Old 01-04-2009, 01:56 AM   #10
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I would take a second, and very serious look at moving back. If you can't swing it you can't swing it, but if you can by scaling back and 'downsizing' for a couple of years then give it some more serious consideration.
It sounds like you like your church, but if you just aren't connecting then you should consider finding a new one. Took us years but we finally found one we like full of people we feel we can connect to.
I guess what I am trying to say is that there is a heavy toll to pay if you don't take care of your entire well being (not just mental health). It can lead to all kinds of problems down the road ranging from marital to health issues.
Many of these can 'cycle' together to form quagmires that are difficult to get back out of. When you stack health problems on top of depression... well... let's just say ouch and leave it there...
Keep taking action like you are now and you and your husband will be thankful for it later on down the road...

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