This has been a hoot to read!
Knock on wood, I've not had any real devastating mishaps. A few experiemental dishes not turn out well, and some of what have been mentioned previous, but that's it. I probably just cursed myself saying that . . . .
Now, I got stories from growing up and my dad's feeble attempts to cook!
My dad is the type of cook that missed Emeril's lesson about using the knob on the stove. He cooks everything on blow torch hot high. Seriously, the man can burn water. Here's 3 events coming to mind:
First, when it came to grilling outdoors, Mom or I tried to take over. On occassion, no luck, and Dad cooked. Growing up in Massachusetts, the Boston Bruins never had a shortage of hockey pucks for their season, because when Dad was grilling burgers, they got donated to the Bruins. If we were down the Cape, the Providence Bruins got 'em.
Second, I recall Dad and I were flying solo for supper as Mom had an appointment. We had frozen pot pies ready to go, the kind in the tin foil pans. He set the toaster oven at whatever temp the pie box said, and put the pies in and came outside to play. Somewhere along the way I had to return to the house for something. The back door led right into the kitchen, and when I entered, I found flames coming from the toaster oven. I hollared for Dad, who came running. He didn't know that the pies should have been placed on the metal cooking sheet that comes with the toaster oven. He put them right on the rack. I was about 7 years old.
The third, and greatest blunder I recall of Dad's culinary attempts was when Mom and I were going to be gone for dinner for whatever reason, and not get back home until 9pm or so. I was maybe 8 years old. Anyways, we get home and see the back spot lights on, and Dad outside with the garden hose. Wondering what was going on, we went over to find out. Dad hadn't eaten yet, because he burned everything
he was going to eat. Not just burned it, but attached it to the pans! He had his putty knife and wire brush out trying to scrape the roughly one half inch
of burnt on food off the pans!