"Discover Cooking, Discuss Life."

Go Back   Discuss Cooking - Cooking Forums > The Back Porch > Off Topic Discussions
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 07-31-2006, 06:04 PM   #11
Chef Extraordinaire
 
kadesma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: california
Posts: 21,373
Pds,
David is a man, asking to use your home. He then must live by your rules. You on the other hand will find it hard not to "mother" him I know I tend to be and old mother hen Mine when this happened had their own keys, but had to respect the fact that dad had to be up and out by 6:30 each morning to open the pharmacy, so coming in at 4 was not acceptable reasonable hours and a yes I'll be home tonight were expected, if they ate with us I was told ahead of time, if not you ate what was prepared and didn't go running off someplace else. We, allowed friends to visit whenever, but they were expected to go by the house rules as well. Laundry was something they were responsible for when we we weren't using the machine. As for raiding the refridgerator, that is one thing we never held back on..Everything and anything to eat was for all of us, but, they were so good about helping out and bringing things home and not being asked too. House work, the girls did their rooms and would dust on staurday and vacumn, while I did our wash, they did theirs on sundays..There were moments of tension, but they come and go. Don't be afraid to say don't or no, but be eager to give a hug or thank you..If David is anything like you Pds, I don't think this will be hard, in fact I think it will be a joy for all three of you.

kadesma
__________________

__________________
HEAVEN is Cade, Ethan,Carson, and Olivia,Alyssa,Gianna
kadesma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:14 PM   #12
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Thanks to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're all great.
__________________

__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:18 PM   #13
Sous Chef
 
Chef_Jen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Scottish Borders of England
Posts: 516
Send a message via MSN to Chef_Jen Send a message via Yahoo to Chef_Jen
Well let me put a few perspectives in th pot here...

We allowed my stepson (my husbands son) to move in with us hes 18. I kicked him out within 3 weeks I couldnt take it. I couldnt take the thought of not knowing where he is.. and knowing he should be sleeping rather then going out.

Money.. ya he was told to pay rent but what a hot party was on rent was always late.. Why because mom and dad will pick up the bill

I felt violated. living alone all this time then haveing a 3rd party come back into the house it is strange flesh and blood doesnt matter.

I feel for you. I really do and kids are kids and he wont follow the rules andhe will break your heart im sorry to say

Ok from the other side. When i go back home to visit my family in canada i stay with my parents. Now im a married woman and my mom STILL asks me where im going who im going to be with etc etc etc... how annoying.

its hard for me to adjust when im there i have my routine she has hers. nobodys fault thats just life
__________________
Behind Every Good Woman... Is herself
Chef_Jen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:24 PM   #14
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
wow Jen... I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

I'm not going to let David move back in already believing that he'll break the rules and my heart though. I'm going to
believe in my son and believe that HE WILL BE the good person that I know he is.
__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:33 PM   #15
Executive Chef
 
amber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: USA,Maine
Posts: 4,099
I can understand your mixed feelings about your son moving back for a couple of months. I dont have experience with that yet, but I'm sure I will one day Definately set some rules.

What kind of rules do you want that would be fair to you, Paul, and your son? Make your list here so we can give you two some feedback

If it were me, my biggest concerns would be that if he comes in late he comes in quietly, clean up his messes after cooking, dont leave dirty clothes laying around. Here is a good motto for your son.... "the mess you make, is the mess you clean" , short, simple, and to the point.

I guess I would want to know what time he is coming home, because it sort of invades your intimate time. Hopefully he understands that him mom and dad are still intimate
__________________
amber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:42 PM   #16
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Hi Amber... the main rules we've given David are...

I must know if he'll be here for dinner by noon each day
and I must know what time he'll be home each night.

He must keep his room clean and the guest bath that he'll be using clean.
He must be ready to give up his room for guests if we have them...he can sleep on the floor of the bonus room.

If he eats dinner with us he will be in charge of the dishes
and empting the garbage will be his chore.

He is paid on Friday so his rent will be due on the First Friday of every month. And that's also when I will give him his grocery list. He can buy the groceries the next day.

We've also asked him to feed and water the cat and the chickens if we leave for the weekend.

And... cleaning up after himself is something he has to do too.


Not many rules... just ones that will make our lives together easier.

If we rented the room out to a stranger.. I'd leave out the knowing about when he'd be home each night and I wouldn't make him feed the chickens..but everything else would be the same.
__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 06:50 PM   #17
Executive Chef
 
amber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: USA,Maine
Posts: 4,099
Sounds fair to me Though the bonus room doesnt sound like a bonus if he has to sleep on the floor, but hey, he's young
__________________
amber is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 07:23 PM   #18
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
hey.. he's only paying 150 in rent.. and 50 in food
with no eletric, water,gas, or phone or garbage... a few nights
on the floor won't kill him too bad. lol
__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 07:30 PM   #19
Chief Eating Officer
 
GB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: USA,Massachusetts
Posts: 25,509
If it were me moving back home I would have no problem with any of those rules except the one about saying when I would be home. When kids his age go out they have no way of knowing where the night will take them. Sometimes nothing is going on and they end of coming home at 9pm. Other times you end up having so much fun that before you know it 3am has rolled around. For a young man of his age, it is very demasculating to have to tell his friends that he needs to go home because he told his mom he would be home at 11 pm. That being said, if he has agreed to these rules already then he needs to honor that commitment he made to you, no questions asked.

One thing to keep in mind though is this. He is over 21. I am making the assumption that he drinks sometimes. I am sure he is a responsible young man and does not drink and drive, but when people drink their judgment can be affected. What will happen if he has said he will be home at midnight and when it comes time for his to leave he is still a little drunk? Maybe he is not even drunk, but feels OK to drive, even though he is over the legal limit. If he does not want to get in trouble will he risk driving like that or will he wait until it is safe to drive and just risk you getting mad at him? Or have you discussed that in a situation like that he should call and say he will be later than expected?

The rule that my parents (actually just my mom) had with me was that I could stay out as late as I wanted, but I had to wake her when I got in so she knew I was safe. She also told me that she would not really sleep well or at all until she knew I was home safe so the guilt was supposed to keep me from staying out forever. The truth of the matter is that she was usually fast asleep when I came home. i would always poke my head in and let her know I was in for the night. That seemed to work well for us.

Whatever you do, as long as you all agree on it ahead of time and you all act and treat each other like adults then I am sure it will work for you.
__________________
You know you can't resist clicking
this link. Your eyes will thank you. VISUAL BLISS
GB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 07:38 PM   #20
Chef Extraordinaire
 
pdswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 20,308
Send a message via AIM to pdswife Send a message via MSN to pdswife Send a message via Yahoo to pdswife
Gb... He does have a beer or two now and then and in that case
I would just ask for a phone call.

I can see how it would be a little hard for him to have to tell his friends he has to go home cuz, he's told mommy that he would. Ok.. maybe I'll try to let up on that rule a little.
Dang it'll be hard though.
__________________

__________________
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
pdswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Discuss Cooking on Facebook

Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.