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Old 12-08-2006, 05:27 PM   #21
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When I got married I was 33 years old - I knew I wanted children and I wanted to have a child before I was 35 - Did not think about the money - if I had waited to the point I thought I was financially ready I probably would not have the two wonderfull children I have now - If this question comes to mind then you are probably ready now!!
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Old 12-09-2006, 01:45 AM   #22
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Although I think Lulu got my drift, I just wanted to emphasize that when I suggested that you had to have jobs in order before you have children, I meant only a reasonable amount of security, not wealth or not even necessarily a standard of living you'd be most comfortable with. Just that there would be no question about being able to afford the basics -- food, shelter, diapers, medical care -- that sort of thing.
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Old 12-09-2006, 08:19 AM   #23
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Lulu,

I married my husband because I knew he was "the one."

I knew that about 20 minutes after meeting him. I also knew that in his current stage in life he had little money. (He was in the military at the time, planning to finish college when he got out.)

I didn't say anything to him; I figured if he wanted me in his life forever, he'd ask. And I knew that if he asked, I'd say yes--despite the lack of money and the difficulties that entailed. Because, for him, I'd be willing to scrounge.

Well, he didn't propose until he got himself up to a rank that was high enough for the military to move his family with him. I married him about a year later--long enough for me to get together some simple household stuff, so that we could furnish a one-bedroom apartment, long enough for him to finish his first tour of duty overseas.

The first baby came about a year after our marriage, despite our best efforts at "family planning." I remember thinking as I held her for the first time, "Little one, you won't have as fancy a home as some babies, but you will always have a mother you can count on." And her father told me later he made the same promise.

That promise turned out to be the important one. We never had piles of cash to spend on the next generation, but somehow things always worked out right, because both parents were focused on the same goals and had the same values. So when decisions came up, we were both going in the same direction.

Building a family together is an extension of your commitment to each other as much as it is a monetary decision. When your children grow up, new clothes and toys won't be their best memories. Their best memories will be of the discussions around the dinner table, or planting a garden, or doing just about anything, with their loving parents.

Hope this helps.
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Old 12-09-2006, 08:39 AM   #24
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after reading all the excellent posts, there isn't really anything much to add. if you think you want kids at some point, don't agonise over it; if it happens it'll happen at the right time and you'll make do somehow.
if this next is inappropriate, excuse me in advance, but since you mentioned fertility issues and no one else has mentioned it...
if it doesn't seem to be happening and you want it to, there are lots of little ones looking for a loving family. an employee i used to have came from a family of, at the last count i'm aware of, 27 brothers and sisters. there's a lot to be said for that too.
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