He was a very funny man and one of my favorite comedians. Here are some quotes to remember him by...
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where’s the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.