A man and his wife walked into the dentist office. The man said, to the dentist,
"Doc, I'm in one **** of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in the car waiting to play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10am tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth honey and show him.
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on an island for over ten years, saw a apeck on the horizon.
He thought to himself, "It isn't a ship." And as the speck got closer and closer he began to rule out that it might be a small boat or even a raft.
Suddenly there emerged from the surf a figure in a wet suit.
Putting aside the scuba gear there stood a drop dead gorgeous blonde.
The blonde walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me how long it has been since you had a cigarette?"
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes.
He lights one and says, "Faith and begorrah, that is so good, I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be."
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?"
The blond unzips another pocket and removes a flask and hands it to him.
"Ah the nectar of the Gods."
At this point the blonde started to slowely unzip the long front of her wetsuit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling Irishman and asked, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes he dropped to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Mother Mary, don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"