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Old 12-09-2006, 11:01 AM   #1
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Holiday Eating Tips

Holiday Eating Tips 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

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Old 12-09-2006, 11:44 AM   #2
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Well said! for the last part, I couldn`t agree more :)
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Old 12-09-2006, 11:53 AM   #3
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I love it! I am a totally firm believer in number 3!!!!!

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Old 12-09-2006, 02:44 PM   #4
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Thank you BreezyCooking for your Holiday Eating Tips.
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Old 12-10-2006, 06:37 AM   #5
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AMEN! Except for the fruitcake. If it has enough nuts and booze in it, dig in! There used to be a great Hawaiian fruitcake that was full of pineapple, coconut, and macadamia nuts. I'd take it and pour as much rum as it could absorb over it, and everyone would have fun!
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Old 12-10-2006, 08:36 AM   #6
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And here I've been trying to eat a little healthier and lose a couple of pounds.
To tell the truth,what I'm really trying to do is follow the rules for holiday occasions & special meals and pay for it throughout the week. So far the damage is minimal. Wish me luck w/ that. (Especially now that you mentioned the Egg Nog. I've been putting it off 'cause once I buy it, I'll drink it as long as it's still available.)
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Old 12-10-2006, 04:14 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Amazing324
(Especially now that you mentioned the Egg Nog. I've been putting it off 'cause once I buy it, I'll drink it as long as it's still available.)
Do what I do! I made "Splenda eggnog" last night. It's pretty good, too. Basically just skim milk, fat free half and half, splenda, nutmeg (don't be like me and use way too much ), etc..
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Old 12-10-2006, 10:33 PM   #8
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It just isn't a good holiday season until I have to unbutton and unzip my jeans after eating.
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Old 12-11-2006, 02:01 AM   #9
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Very nice.
Haha
I like carrots. :P
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