Holiday Ettiquette Question

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Callisto in NC

Washing Up
Joined
Oct 17, 2007
Messages
3,101
Location
Mooresville, NC
Okay, here's my situation. I'm the lowly "office operations supervisor" which means, I spend all day answering the phone and playing on the internet. I drive my own car, pay for my own gas (with $3 in change this morning just to get me here), do my own repairs.

The people I work with have company cars, get their gas and their repairs free, and make much more than I do. I'm a single mom. They are married or have grown children, so two incomes or no need for two incomes.

Last year I was blindsided having to get them something. I got each a bottle of wine for about $10. They items they got me were far more expensive. Should I feel bad and spend more or should I expect them to understand I don't have the means that they do to give gifts? The two men have wives/fiances, but not kids. The other woman here has grown kids but makes bank! What is right?

Personally, I'd prefer not to get anything from them so I don't have to give, but I don't think that's an option. Advice.
 
I would have to say they probably already realize you are not on the same plane as they are incomewise. My advice is continue to offer gifts as you can afford, as long as you choose in good taste. Good taste always trumps expensive in my book. You shouldn't feel guilty because you can't "shower" those with more resources than you with costly gifts. Keep doing what you've been doing.

As for receiving their gifts, accept with grace and sincere thanks. As an extra measure of "class," give each one a handwritten thank you note after the holidays.
 
I think a bottle of wine is an appropriate gift. Its not overly personal, its something they can keep and drink when they want or even (shock horror) pull out when they in turn need to give a gift they hadn't planned for. I really don't think it matters if hey give you something more expensive. Gifts are not about the worth, in the office situation they might be simply a nicety. Its nice they value you enough to make sizable gifts to you, but perhaps your situation has already factored in their choice? Get them the wine and relax ;)

Oh, I agree with Katie 100 about the thank you note. I'm amazed so few people write them nowadays.
 
I would suggest that you go with the baked goods route. I think it shows that you thought enough of them to dedicate an evening (or two) of your personal time. It is far less exspensive, more thoughful. Plus when someone gives me something that I am not able to create,(homemade bread for example.) I am truly impressed amazed, and thankful. It never crosses my mind that they didn't spend as much $$ as I did, all I remember is they created something delicious with their own 2 hands.
 
You also could suggest no gift exchange- as I did when retired, so we (friends) don't anymore, but we do do Birthday's. But if you do - just give what you can - good people understand and appreciate the thought.
 
You also could suggest no gift exchange- as I did when retired, so we (friends) don't anymore, but we do do Birthday's. But if you do - just give what you can - good people understand and appreciate the thought.
Well, since they've done this for 10+ years and I've only been here 1, don't think that'll fly.

I'm liking the baked goods idea. I could package them nicely with stuff from the 99 cent store.
 
I would suggest that you go with the baked goods route. I think it shows that you thought enough of them to dedicate an evening (or two) of your personal time. It is far less exspensive, more thoughful. Plus when someone gives me something that I am not able to create,(homemade bread for example.) I am truly impressed amazed, and thankful. It never crosses my mind that they didn't spend as much $$ as I did, all I remember is they created something delicious with their own 2 hands.

If you feel comfortable baking some holiday treat (like a quickbread or some cookies) I recommend Renee's suggestion. I DO bake, but I still appreciate very much when someone gives me a gift they created themselves. It's so very thoughtful. :)
 
Katie said everything I would have!

Go to a big wine store (forget the name of them down there) and you should be able to buy a bottle of Beaujolais Brouilly for around $10.00 or so. Excellent wine for the money!!!!! I'm not a Beaujolais fan but a Brouilly is the best. If you want to you can find this wine and I will come up with an entree for you that goes with it and you can type it out, roll it up like a scroll, and attach it to each bottle of wine.

You should not feel bad at ALL that you can't spend the same as the others.
 
Well, since they've done this for 10+ years and I've only been here 1, don't think that'll fly.

I'm liking the baked goods idea. I could package them nicely with stuff from the 99 cent store.
The gift of time and flavor are the best gifts to give or recieve. IMHO
You could end up as the "Must Have" gift item of the office.
I can hear the conversations by the water cooler now.....
"What did you get Marge.?"
"Another botttle of wine that I really don't like. What did you get Mary?"
"Some fabulous homemade bread from Callisto. My family will be lucky if they ever get to taste it.It is absolutely DELICIOUS!! I wish I was good enough in the kitchen to make my own. Do you think Callisto would be willing to share her secret?":rolleyes:
 
Callisto, this is an issue most of us face at least to some extent every Christmas so here's my take. Remember that it's the sentiment that counts and then believe it. I no longer buy gifts I can't afford or that put a strain on my budget and I no longer compare values of gifts - even in a work situation. Perhaps some people may be a little touchy about this but I don't let myself think about that.

Renee had a good suggestion, if you have the time. Anything handmade is above dollar value. Even when I couldn't cook at all, I spent hours making cookies with store bought dough which the kids and I decorated. One year, we made soft, felt, stuffed ornaments using cookie cutters as patterns. We sewed them by hand and wrapped up 3 for each person. To this day, people still tell me that they have those ornaments on their trees.

A card with the gift that you take the time to write something special or personal in makes the recipient feel wonderful. If someone is always smiling even when things are swamped, say so. If another one always has something kind to say, or always has a little joke that tickles everyone, say so. It costs nothing and means the world!

Anyway, that was a long post to say this - give from the heart and don't worry about what you spent or what they spent and have a Very Merry Christmas!
 
[QUOTESome fabulous homemade bread from Callisto][/QUOTE]

I'm with you on that one! Every year I get bottles of red wine, even thought they know I'm not a big red wine fan. Personally, I'll rather they saved their money. Myself and my staff donate our gift exchange money to charity every year. But, Calli, if that's not an option, I'd go the homemade route. Who doesn't love homemade banana bread???? And, way cheaper than a bottle of wine.:)
 
The gift of time and flavor are the best gifts to give or recieve. IMHO
You could end up as the "Must Have" gift item of the office.
I can hear the conversations by the water cooler now.....
"What did you get Marge.?"
"Another botttle of wine that I really don't like. What did you get Mary?"
"Some fabulous homemade bread from Callisto. My family will be lucky if they ever get to taste it.It is absolutely DELICIOUS!! I wish I was good enough in the kitchen to make my own. Do you think Callisto would be willing to share her secret?":rolleyes:

After you read Miss Renee's post, go back and read Miss Katie's...You have your answer!!

Psssst! Everybody loves banana nut bread!;)
 
Believe me I would rather have something like cookies, or something homemade, than a gift that I know could be put to better use in making that person's family and kids happier.

Have been in both positions and never was saddened if folks thought they needed to do anything more than a card, a few good wishes, or maybe some cookies.

Christmas is not about greed, it is about the best parts of those who believe in the day.

IMHO don't worry. Agree with including a personal note with each gift - tell each one why you were so happy to work with them during the past year. Make each individual. It will make their day.

And a very Merry Christmas.
 
Hello friend Callisto, all the above are good ideas. The people you work for know your circumstances and they would feel foolish expecting you to duplicate them and foolish if they tried to duplicate you. You are unique and special. Give that. If you can do a nice Christmas bread give it in the spirit of the season. The Three Kings Men gave the expensive gifts. Our Christmas isn't about that. It's about sharing of what we can.
 
I agree that you should not worry about not being able to spend as much as the higher-paid employees are spending.

Since you like to bake, I think that idea was great. One year I didn't have much money to spend on gifts, so I made Swedish Tea Rings for several people. They didn't cost much to make, but if they were to buy something comparable at a bakery it would have cost a lot more. People are almost always very impressed with home-made goodies. When I bake (or sew) something for gifts, some people act like I have almost done the impossible because they don't have a clue how to do that!

Months after Christmas, they will still bring up how good it was! For not much more, you could even present what you bake in a pretty basket or something, with some packets of hot chocolate mix or something that would go well with what you made.

:)Barbara
 
Are you effectively providing support to these colleagues? If so, it is perfectly acceptable for them to be giving you something in recognition of your efforts in helping them through the year, without them expecting anything from you in return. It is very hard to just sit back and accept gifts without trying to do something in return. Personally I don't subscribe to the tit-for-tat present giving - got a present from x, need therefore to give back to x - as to me it devalues the gift giving. Over the years, I have regularly received little gifts from staff members that I have given support to, those higher up the food chain, on par with me, and lower level colleagues. Generally they have been token gifts but not always. There is no way I could afford to buy gifts for them all, even if I thought it warranted. As a rule, I have thanked them for their gift with surprise (cos I always have been surprised!!) and left it at that. I have only given return gifts to those that I would have through choice without their gift. I give my main doctors a gift each Christmas to acknowledge their care of me. I would not anticipate their giving me one in return. This would be the same/similar situation in reverse.

But maybe we do things differently in Australia.

If I was to give a gift, or felt I really ought to, I agree most with Renee's view of what to give.
 
I agree with the baked goods idea. You may even make 2 or 3 types and give an assortment to each. I've been where you are and most of the time the higherups just put the gift they give you on their expense account, so it costs them nothing. However, the cookies or breads are a very thoughtful gift.
 
After you read Miss Renee's post, go back and read Miss Katie's...You have your answer!!

Psssst! Everybody loves banana nut bread!;)
I make AWESOME banana bread. I also make really good peanut butter cup cookies and the best chocolate chip cookies in the family. I guess I could bake for everyone. I know them better this year and I know Eric loves to eat. We hide food from him and he gives Wisconsin cheese.

Okay. I guess it's decision made, goodies. Jewel can always bring them to her family if she's still watching her weight religiously.
 
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