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Old 12-18-2006, 06:27 AM   #1
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Holiday Stress Relief -- Cooking stories

Since it is the Holidays and the stress levels go up- How about sharing some funny cooking stories to break our stress.
I have 2 of them One happen to me and one I read along time ago.

how traditions get started:
I read once that a family alway cut both ends off of a ham and saved them for soup. this went on for years, till a few generations had gone by and a great grandaughter finally ask an elder. She said she didn't know but that was the way her mother did it. Researching more, got ahold of a very edlerly aunt and asked her. She knew the reason, Because mama did't have a big enough pan to cook the ham.

Mine was one year I decided to bring Scallop potates to our Christmas eve family gathering. Pan to feed approx 50 people. Since i was going out to help my mother early that day, I decide to make them home and cook them there.
When I got there the milk on them spilled onto my car rug. It was a cold year that year. I placed some newspaper onto the milk and it soaked it up and i gave it a breif washing. Looked good so I thought. Then came a very hot summer. Well the smell in the car was unbeivable. Couldn't figure out what died in it. till my mother rode with one day and say did you spill milk in here. I stated Xmas when the scallop potatoe spilled. I then got the carpet washer out. Relief came.

Happy Holidays To You all.


One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching
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Old 12-18-2006, 04:35 PM   #2
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I don't have any stress at all during the holiday season. I drink heavily until the bills come. Then I hide in the hot tub.

I've always found the cooking to be cathartic, so it doesn't really stress me. What I do stress about is the cleaning. My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. Naturally, I don't want to go in there after cooking. After all, why should I go back in....I've done my tour if you know what I mean. But, guests seem to get all claustrophobic in there. I've seen people walk in with all good intentions, carrying a couple of dirty plates, and then do a quick turn around after feeling the walls caving in or something. It reminds me of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when all the people pile into a room that just keeps getting smaller and smaller.

When they all come out, I pretend to be asleep on the sofa, and the truly guilty will return from whence they came.

I also hate when someone won't try something I've made. C'mon, it's not like I'm serving lead paint or anything...go ahead and give it a try. And don't do one of those little rabbit nibbles, either. Just open wide and shove it back there. If you're gonna sniff the fork first, don't bother.

And the wine....if someone happens to bring me a bottle of wine, please don't expect that I will open it that evening. Was it a gift for me, or do you want to drink what you bought? Trust me, I've got the wine covered.

Why is it that the two heaviest people always have to sit next to each other? I can balance the seating much better if they'd seperate. While we on that subject...left handed people eat with the wrong hand. They always interfere with the right handed people.

If you don't see a hambuger being served, the call for ketchup will result in your death.

Yes, christmas eve is traditionally all fish and seafood. That's why I asked if you have any problems with fish or seafood. Don't look at me now and wonder where the beef is. You're about 15 hours too early for that.

What do you mean, ' you only drink champagne'???? YOu're about a week too early for that!

Keep your kid in his seat. Nothing disturbs a dinner more than a kid who simply cannot refrain from getting up and down 15 times. Unless he has to fart, I appreciate all the guests staying at the table. (no I don't mean the kindergarten set, either...but yes, I do mean anyone over 10) I would rather not serve a big glass of milk with dinner. Can't she drink ice water?

No, there is no plain pasta...it all has the same sauce on it.

Get that poland spring water bottle off the table. I'd be happy to pour it into a glass for you.

Did you just wipe your hand on the table cloth???

Dinner is being served at 5pm. Won't you join us at 4 for cocktails? That means please come at 4...not 3:30 and surely not 5:15. The first you'll find me just stepping out of the shower, and the latter you may find the house locked tighter than fort knox.

If you take that cell phone call, you'll have to fish the phone out of the eggnog.

A few raw eggs won't kill you. Besides, the bourbon will kill anything in there.

Don't bring your new christmas present to the table. And don't leave the paper scattered all over the place. Find the garbage or give it to an adult who cares.

Sure you can sing christmas carols...just do it in the kitchen, while you are washing the pots and pans. I'll be in the hot tub...

How can we sleep while our beds are burning???
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Old 12-18-2006, 04:43 PM   #3
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Well said, Vera.
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -Carl Sagan
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Old 12-18-2006, 04:45 PM   #4
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C'mon in!

Here's where I keep the pots and pans.

Here's a cupboard and fridge full of ingredients. Even the good kind of vanilla.

Here's a Santa hat to wear.

The cookbooks are all over on the bookshelf thing behind the kitchen table. Did I tell you about this great website I visit? I'll fire up the computer for you.

Yes, I'd like a drink. Make one for yourself while you're chopping onions over there. I'm gonna watch "It's a Wonderful Life." (I'll put it on hold when dinner is ready.)

The good plates are in the china cabinet. We can only feed eight people. Hope you didn't invite more than that.

Wake up, mudbug - you're dreaming again..................
Kool Aid - Think before you drink.
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