I don't have any stress at all during the holiday season. I drink heavily until the bills come. Then I hide in the hot tub.
I've always found the cooking to be cathartic, so it doesn't really stress me. What I do stress about is the cleaning. My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. Naturally, I don't want to go in there after cooking. After all, why should I go back in....I've done my tour if you know what I mean. But, guests seem to get all claustrophobic in there. I've seen people walk in with all good intentions, carrying a couple of dirty plates, and then do a quick turn around after feeling the walls caving in or something. It reminds me of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when all the people pile into a room that just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
When they all come out, I pretend to be asleep on the sofa, and the truly guilty will return from whence they came.
I also hate when someone won't try something I've made. C'mon, it's not like I'm serving lead paint or anything...go ahead and give it a try. And don't do one of those little rabbit nibbles, either. Just open wide and shove it back there. If you're gonna sniff the fork first, don't bother.
And the wine....if someone happens to bring me a bottle of wine, please don't expect that I will open it that evening. Was it a gift for me, or do you want to drink what you bought? Trust me, I've got the wine covered.
Why is it that the two heaviest people always have to sit next to each other? I can balance the seating much better if they'd seperate. While we on that subject...left handed people eat with the wrong hand. They always interfere with the right handed people.
If you don't see a hambuger being served, the call for ketchup will result in your death.
Yes, christmas eve is traditionally all fish and seafood. That's why I asked if you have any problems with fish or seafood. Don't look at me now and wonder where the beef is. You're about 15 hours too early for that.
What do you mean, ' you only drink champagne'???? YOu're about a week too early for that!
Keep your kid in his seat. Nothing disturbs a dinner more than a kid who simply cannot refrain from getting up and down 15 times. Unless he has to fart, I appreciate all the guests staying at the table. (no I don't mean the kindergarten set, either...but yes, I do mean anyone over 10) I would rather not serve a big glass of milk with dinner. Can't she drink ice water?
No, there is no plain pasta...it all has the same sauce on it.
Get that poland spring water bottle off the table. I'd be happy to pour it into a glass for you.
Did you just wipe your hand on the table cloth???
Dinner is being served at 5pm. Won't you join us at 4 for cocktails? That means please come at 4...not 3:30 and surely not 5:15. The first you'll find me just stepping out of the shower, and the latter you may find the house locked tighter than fort knox.
If you take that cell phone call, you'll have to fish the phone out of the eggnog.
A few raw eggs won't kill you. Besides, the bourbon will kill anything in there.
Don't bring your new christmas present to the table. And don't leave the paper scattered all over the place. Find the garbage or give it to an adult who cares.
Sure you can sing christmas carols...just do it in the kitchen, while you are washing the pots and pans. I'll be in the hot tub...