How to explain to a 4 year old...

[LEFSElover]

Originally Posted by buckytom

when i get home tonight, i'm going to lay on the couch and put her on my chest, with her forehead tucked under my chin one last time.

Gad, that's tough. Stroke her for all of us Bucky...

Well Bucky, this is a hard one.
Little ones don't understand that certain living things are finite.
It's God's creature and He has the last word or answer on how long any of us or our loving pets will be here on this earth.
Do a sweet ceremony.
Say a good bye prayer with him about your pet.
I think it may affect him for a while Bucky, but in the long run, and probably soon, he'll be back to normal. That's just my thought on it.
Hope he's okay.
You're a good daddy, you'll handle it perfectly Bucky.

[suziquzie]

Sorry I missed this one BT.
Explaining to my 4yo why we were giving away our cat was hard enough, I dont know that saying he just wasn't alive anymore would be any easier.
I hope everything went ok and the litle guy is ok. They bounce back faster than you would ever believe. Better to tell him than hide it, that hurts them worse.

[pdswife]

Good luck Bucky. I'm sure you handled it perfectly.

[buckytom]

one more thank you.

well, we made it through today, thankfully. it broke my heart to see dw crying all day. when our son asked what was wrong, we just kept answering that we were sad that doodie was very sick. as far as explaining it all to him, well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

when i brought doodie upstairs to lay on the bed with us this morning, my boy hugged her gently and said he hoped she feels better soon, and that he loved her.

as if i needed another reminder of how precious life is.

at least we're getting a chance to say goodbye. the only thing worse than death is not being able to do that.

[mikki]

BT- sorry to hear about your kitty. Death is hard for anyone to understand, but I think children deal with it better than adults due to the fact that they still have a childs imagination. Children understand that the pet or person is not comming back, but they make their own story of why, and that is what helps them cope with the loss. Just be there for your little guy when he needs a hug or just needs to talk about his kitty. The hardest thing to do is see your child in pain and know you can't stop it. Another thing is letting him see your upset and sad. Let him know it's alright to cry and it's alright not to cry. I'm glad your getting a chance to say goodbye and let your kitty know how much it is loved. I do love the star idea for a young child I think that is brilliant. take care. (((((((((((buckytom)))))))))))))

[GotGarlic]

Bucky, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. DH and I just went through this last fall, although we don't have children. We now have three cats buried in our back yard. I know this is a really tough time for you, but I know you and your family will get through it. Take care.

[jkath]

Just want to let you know I'm sending you a hug for having to be the stoic man in all of this with your kitty. I know your boy is watching your every move and is learning by your example how to be a good guy, even when it is difficult.

[Fisher's Mom]

Awww, BT, this is so sad. Not only are you and your wife having to watch Doodie slip away, you have to figure out how to help your boy handle it.

I've dealt with this quite a few times over the years and the only thing I can say is there is no one-size-fits-all way to explain it. All the advice has been very good so think about your son's personality and go from there.

My oldest daughter had a very rough time with the concept of euthanasia for a very old pet. She was about your son's age and expressed worry every time one of the younger pets got sick or went to the vet for a couple of years. She was convinced that's where they kill animals. Of course, she's OK now and understands.

Fisher had the misfortune of having a beloved older pet and his grandfather die when he was 2 1/2. He was very verbal even then and the next couple of years brought many questions about how old is "old"? (In reference to a loved one getting old and dying.) Then later, he was worried that because all living things eventually die, we would all die and leave him alone. Thankfully, we were patient and answered the same questions over and over and now at 5, he has a good handle on how things work and isn't worried. He was very sad when my brother died but it didn't cause him anxiety because he has a pretty good understanding of death now.

Then I've had other children who just accepted death as a very sad thing but didn't seem to worry much about it later. Anyway, just be ready to reassure your boy for as long as it takes if he has a really rough time with this. You're such a good and tender father that I know you'll be able to help him through this. I'll be thinking about ya'll.

[corazon]

Sending you and your family many hugs. I'm afraid we might be going through this in the next year too.

As always, you are a wonderful father. I'm sure he will ask many questions, and I say just be honest with him but sensitive.

Thinking of all of you.

[LPBeier]

Dear BuckyTom,

I am so sorry for your situation. I know how hard it is to lose a pet when you are an adult, but to explain it to a child is beyond words. This is where not being a real parent shows. I will pray for you and your wife to have the right words, and for your son to have that awesome understanding that seems to only come with childhood. Take care.