How to explain to a 4 year old...

[JoAnn L.]

buckytom: I am so sorry. Sending loving thoughts to your little boy.

[miniman]

It is hard - I just told my sons the truth when our cat was run over, I think Jonathan was 4/5 and Nicholas 6/7. They were sad for a while and didn't want to talk. I made myself available, but they mainly dealt with themselves, with lots of cuddles in between.

They were a bit older when first my grandfather & then my grandmother dies, whom they had been very close, they struggled more but came through in the end.

[auntdot]

Sorry Bucky, explaining death to kids, particularly very young ones, is tough. Since we as adults don't have a good grasp upon it ourselves.

At four, and I went through it at that age with a dog called Petie, I would not get too complicated. Explain that the pet was sick and went to a better place. It might be easier if you had the vet euthanize but that is your call certainly. Answer the questions and see where it goes.

Let the child lead the conversation.

That is all I can offer.

[kitchenelf]

Bucky - there is no doubt in my mind that the right words will come. Wow - we have quite a group of people here, don't we? We pull together when one of our own is hurting. You've gotten some good advice here and, like I said, I know you will know what to say because you are a good man and a good father.

My thoughts and prayers are going out to your son and you...and doodie.

[Barbara L]

You've gotten some good advice. My advice is for afterwards. It helped my daughter to do something to memorialize her favorite cat. She made a special grave marker for him (he was buried in the back yard). She also kept a picture of Hawney and herself on her wall.

Fortunately children are very resilient.

Barbara

[texasgirl]

I sure don't have anything to add to what everyone has told you. It's tough. I remember trying to explain to my youngest about my mom, he was 4 then. He cried, but, I think that was because his big brother, he used to idolize him, was crying. When they are that young, you just do the best you can in telling them what you feel they will understand and be able to handle. Bless you BT for caring enough to worry about it!! Some guys just say, it's an animal, get over it. DH used to be that way, but, not anymore!!

[kadesma]

Bucky,
I had to deal with this many times and each child and each situation was different..My Cade, new my little dog Maggie was old and ill..On the day we had her put down, he new she had died, but his mom brought him to be with me when we took her to the vet for cremation..He got in the car and asked me was that Mags I was holding in the blanket yes I said..He asked as he pointed up is she up there with Bompa and Nana and Guiness..Yes, Ma, will Guiness play with her..I told him yes and Bompa had a dog cookie for her and Nana was going to let her sleep in her lap.. He reached over patted the blanket and said I'll miss you Maggs and then Okay then Ma,I will only cry a little cuz you are sad and Ma, yes Cade, can I spend the night to keep you company? See Bucky, he was only just turning 6 and he accepted because he believed that Maggie was not alone and scared...Your little guy has you and his mommy and he loves you above all else..Give him a vision of a beautiful sun filled place with people who loved the cat and other animals to play with..Comfort for kitty and your son will feel the love and warmth.
kadesma, Mrs talky sends a hug.

[buckytom]

thanks again everyone.

the race home for dinner tonight was just as crazed, but much less joyful than usual. dw is really broken up about doodie. it's hard to see our cat who was once the tough guy, the matriarch of our pride reduced to her current self. she is/was a remarkable little being. the kind of cat even dog lovers would like. not aloof or snobby, ever, but playful and quick and powerful in a way that made you notice. she could make a face that let you know the game was on: her brilliant green eyes would sink deeply into her intimidating, furrowed brow, and her left paw would be as ready as a gunslinger's twitchy hand.
but the second you stopped playing, she would become a big lover.

she was affectionate at any time you asked, and a lot of times you didn't. she wasn't a normal cat by any means.

we weren't sure if she could get out of her bed tonight, but i found her in the kitchen by her water bowl. so i grabbed the bowl of tuna that dw put by her bed, and she had a little. that gave me a bit of encouragement that she may make it through tomorrow. i really hope she doesn't go on mother's day.
if she does make it to monday, i'll have to start thinking about playing god.


ok, well, thank you all. i can't say that enough. elfie's right.

when i get home tonight, i'm going to lay on the couch and put her on my chest, with her forehead tucked under my chin one last time.

[Constance]

Bless your hearts.

[DawnT]

I'm sorry for the pain you are in and the hurt you feel over the future pain of your son. Know that my prayers are with you and I know you will find the right words of comfort for him and the rest of your family. Again, sorry for your pain. Dawn :(