How to explain to a 4 year old...

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Gee BT, I knew your cat was not well but I didn't realise just how bad things were. I am so sorry to read this thread and am eating thru the tissues as I do. Sorry also that I didn't log on sooner to read this. I hope you get to be with her when she goes. Heartfelt sympathies to you and yours.

The only time I have had to explain death to a toddler was when I was about 20 and my neighbour's kid was with me when I had to bury a dead dove that one of my cats had caught. I was just straight with him and he understood it, or at least seemed to. A couple of months later, he and his family relocated to the other side of the country and made it a camping trip by car. His parents couldn't understand why each time they dug a latrine he would ask about digging up doves!

What I have experienced and is possibly true for your son as well, is the thought of the absence is worse than the concept of death itself. So my limited advice to you would be to deal with it as two different subjects.

Hope she goes peacefully with you.
 
just a quick update: after speaking to a few vets, we decided to begin to give doodie sub-cutaneous fluids to help her be a little more comfortable in her final days. that wasn't fun. i hate needles, and hope to never have to stab anyone or anything ever again.

she lasted a week, but by saturday afternoon we saw that she was no longer able to absorb the fluids. the sign we dreaded.

so dw spent saturday night with her, and i sat with her today, holding her for hours through a couple of seizures before i finally had to take her to have her put down.

she slipped away about 6 o'clock tonight, just after the first sedative was introduced. the vet agreed that from my descriptions, she was unaware of what was happening and would not have lived much longer. we had intervened just in time to spare her the painful end.

tomorrow, i have to explain this to my boy. i am truely grateful for all of your words and advice, and thank you all for your support.
 
Sorry to hear it was such a bad weekend Tom, I hope your little guy wont take it too hard for too long.
 
Oh BT, I'm so sorry!!
I'm am sure that had you and your wife not been there for her, she would not have gone so peacefully. You gave her a loving home to grow in and you should feel good about that. Your boy will rebound. Young ones always do. Bless you!!
 
Oh bucky - I'm all choked up. Just have a good cry with him and make him feel as secure as you can. Hugs to DW too.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss, bt. It sounds like her last few days were bittersweet. I'm glad ya'll knew when it was time to let her go so you were able to spare her any suffering, but I know how hard it must have been for both of you. I hope your son isn't too heartbroken and that you're all able to get past the sadness soon so that you can remember all the wonderful times you had with your dear old girl. Hugs to all 3 of you.
Terry
 
Dear BuckyT,
I too am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and your wife and son. By now (your time) you have probably already told your son and my heart goes out to both of you. But with a good Dad like you, I know he will get through this, just like you got your beloved cat through the last days of her life.
 
I remember how heartbroken I was when pets I had as a child died. If it's any comfort, I can see now that their deaths helped to understand the basics of mortality very early on in the piece - and gave me skills to cope with other deaths later in life.

Will be thinking of your wee lad.
 
Oh, bucky, sorry to hear your news. Buck and I can understand. We've gone through a similar thing with one of our kitties. Let the tears flow and make sure there are plenty of hugs all around. This, too, shall pass. Your kitty knew you loved her.
 
BT - I am sorry to hear about your loss. When my favorite cat died, her last day or so, she did everything she had always liked, sat on my lap and purred, layed in the sun in the flower bed. Spent a few more hours with us and then literally fell over dead.

I misser, as I am sure that you do. You did the right thing and I know it is hard.

AC
 
Hugs for the whole Buckytom family and hoping you find comfort soon in knowing that you gave your ((Doodie))) a very loving end.May your memories bring smiles through your tears.Sending you lots of love and energy, Vicki
 
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