Bob and his wife Carol live in upper Michigan. One winter morning while listeningto the radio they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."
Carol goes out and moves the car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today so you must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."
Carol goes out and moves the car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the announcer says, "We are expecting 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park........"
Then the power goes out.
Carol is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park so the snowplow can get through?"
With love and understanding in his voice, like all men who married blondes, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."
There was a painter named Wayne, who often thinned down his paint to save money. As it would happen he got away with it for some time, but eventually the Church down the street decided to do a big restoration paint job.
Well Wayne the painter put in a bid and got the job. So he put up the scaffold and got out his thinned down paint and started to work. When the job was almost done he heard this horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down washing his thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn next to the gravestones.
Wayne was no fool, he knew this was judgement from the Almighty,so he got down on his knees and cried, "Oh God forgive me, what should I do?"
And a mighty voice spoke....."Repaint,repaint! and thin no more."
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop light.Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes of course I do."
"I got one too," says the Texan. "You got a fax machine too?."
"Yes I do," says the guy in the Rolls.
"Me too," says the Texan
The light is just about to turn green when the guy in the VW say, "So do you have a double bed?"
The guy in the Rolls replies, "NO! do you?"
The light turns and the man in the VW takes off. Well the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-uped, so he goes to a customized shop and has a double bed put in.
About 2 weeks later he drives all over town looking for the VW. Finally he finds it parked alongside the road. The windows of the VW are all fogged up, so the guy in the Rolls gets out and taps on the foggy window.
The man in the VW finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy with the Rolls says, "Remenber me?"
"Yea I remember you, what's up?"
"I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
The VW guy exclaims, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that!"