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Old 09-26-2005, 03:25 PM   #31
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Thanks Andy. Your thoughts have been helpful!

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Old 09-26-2005, 03:36 PM   #32
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Hard to say as he is not grown yet.

Remember back when y'all were kids and going to your grandparents( I have no such memories, as all my grandparents were dead before my parents ever met). What made some of those times fun or memoriable? Was it getting to do things Mom & Dad wouldn't let you do? i.e have ice cream before supper or stay up late?

Was it just the fun had with them doing things Mom & Dad don't have time for?

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Old 09-26-2005, 03:42 PM   #33
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GB, it is so hard to give you advice because I'm a mom, daughter and grandmother, so I can see all sides of your dilemma. It sounds like the bonds between granddaughter and grandma are very strong ones. I pray that you somehow smooth the relationship with you Mom for all involved. No one will "win" if the family is apart. I think the communication between you and Mom in this problem is what's to blame. Notes? What's wrong with sitting down, face to face, to talk about baby and what you expect of your mom before the babysitting began? I would be insulted with notes, but if my daughter and I had a nice, warm talk about my grandson, I would remember and abide with her wishes. I pray that this rift with mom will be over before the holidays. Kiss the Little Princess for me......wasabi
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Old 09-26-2005, 04:11 PM   #34
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hmmm Had a very similar situation with my Dad. He spoiled the crap outta my son (bless his heart)... but when I'd tell my son no, he couldn't do something and my dad would turn around and say, "Oh, it's ok" and let him, it would make my blood simmer. It was never anything huge or serious, but it was the point about me making rules and my son needing to learn to listen.

I finally had to tell my Dad that he was making my job really hard. And he needed to support my decisions, not countermine them. It was a hard talk to have, honestly, because I knew he meant well. Anyway, he respected my wishes and stood behind me from then on. Love my Dad! And my son and he to this day have the most spectacular relationship. =)

Anyway... GB, she's your baby. You get to decide what is appropriate and what isn't. And when someone steps outside of those boundaries you have every right to make it clear that what they did doesn't work. Mom or not.

Ideally the subject could be approached without the heat, but sometimes that just doesn't work out.

I suggest you call her and apologize for the way the argument got out of hand, which is a good thing to do. You can be sincere about that but still remain firm in your stance about about what you think is appropriate for your daughter. And you can tell her that too.

Usually after the tempers have cooled both sides are a bit more ready to listen to the other. =) Hopefully this is the case between you two.

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Old 09-26-2005, 04:25 PM   #35
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Don't have much to add, geebs, to the good advice you've received here already. All I can think of to add is that babysitters come and go, but grandma is forever. Figure out a way to make peace.
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Old 09-26-2005, 04:32 PM   #36
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Does your baby have allergies to certain foods or a reason to suspect she does? (just clarifying this in my mind) Do you pay your mother to babysit? (not justifying her actions but remember she may be doing this out of the goodness of her heart)
This is a tricky situation, when I had my first child I was really guided by my mum so I guess I never got into this situation and mum minded Jessica 5 days a week from when she was 7 months old. My mum shaped the kind of parent I was and so we had no problems. I guess it is hard for your mum to be told she doesn't know whats best when all she sees is 2 fully grown children that she has raised successfully she probably feels a bit hurt and insulted. I know you want to parent in a different way but you need to acknowledge her experience too.
I think you need to sit down with your wife and your mum and talk it through and try to reach an understanding that, whilst you agree she is experienced, this is your turn to be the parents and whilst she might not agree with your methods they are your choice.
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Old 09-26-2005, 04:35 PM   #37
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i'm stumped for advice at the moment, geebs, but it'll be okay.
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Old 09-26-2005, 04:46 PM   #38
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mrsmac - GB's baby is only 8 months old. So introducing new foods are kind of important and should be done with your (the parent's) knowledge of when they are introduced and what is introduced. There's a lot of potential allergic reactions to be had.

I can imagine how this has affected everyone GB. Has your mother ever given Rachel cheerio's before? Were they ever on an approved list either via written form or because they were in her things for her to eat that day? If the answer to either of those questions is "yes" then I'd say your mother had no reason to think she shouldn't give them to her - even though they weren't in her things for her to eat that day. If the answer is "no" then she should not have introduced them to her.

You AND your mother owe a "talk" to each other - you can't apologize for wanting certain rules abided by when it comes to your child. I know you don't want those kinds of issues taking up your emotions. It's not good for you, your wife, your baby, or your mother. You can only apologize for the "tone" of the whole thing but you can't apologize for the way you want to raise your child. It is a bit stricter with the first one I understand - but you can't be wrong by following a "rule" of sorts that could determine a potential allergic reaction - mild or otherwise.

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Old 09-26-2005, 05:23 PM   #39
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I beg to differ with what Earlzach said. It is always better to have the conversation and settle disagreements between the blood relatives before anyone else gets involved. Also, I don't see that as a form of control of the wife over the husband. I would think most women (not all) probably pay more attention to small things about their children than do men (some men). I hope the issue is resolved to the satisfaction and good health of everyone - especially the little one.

Sorry about my post. Had I read further, I'd have seen that this information had already been discussed. I'll have to pay you some karma.
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Old 09-26-2005, 05:56 PM   #40
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GB, I have already talked to you a bit about this so you know my story. I have to say I think your best option at this point is to apologize to your Mom for yelling but to reiterate that YOU are Rachel's parent and what you say goes. PERIOD. This time it was about a cheerio, next time it might be something more important. Child rearing has gone through some major changes over the years (car seats being a big one I can think of).

This issue is less about Rachel's safety than about your Mom respecting you and your DW. If you can calmly present that to her as many times as it may take you will come out on the other side much closer. Stick with your wife on this one, and be respectful to your Mom, but keep having the discussion. Good luck GB. Hugs to you all.

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