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Old 09-07-2007, 05:24 PM   #11
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He went down to a friends house to ahve a beer of all things. But, if it helps, I don't care. Thank you!!
This is good!! He does not need to be alone right now. If he over indulges a little bit. Stay cool, and just love him! ((((((DS))))))))
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Old 09-07-2007, 05:30 PM   #12
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Time and talking are two of the best helps in situations like this. Your son clearly admired the gentleman and that's the legacy he left your son. We never know what kind of influence a person has on us but, chances are, this man's influence will become part of who your son is and will become. That's one of the finest honors he can pay his friend. In that, he will not be dead because he will be living in your son.

I lost my father suddenly 34 years ago and there are times when I still have difficulty with the loss. However, the happy memories and some of the discussions I have with my siblings about Daddy are "warm fuzzies" that help dull the sadness.

Just hold your son, if he allows, and be there when he needs to talk. You've raised a fine young man and he will be okay...in time.
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Old 09-07-2007, 05:42 PM   #13
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You guys have no idea how much I care about all of you. This is the first place I thought to come to. I knew that I would feel better being here and I do!! He knows I am always there for him. And even his dad is understanding. Normally, he isn't, no matter what is going on. He just tells them to suck it up and deal with it. Not this time, thank goodness. I would probably have to crack one of my nice pans over his head!!
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Old 09-07-2007, 06:07 PM   #14
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My daughter's beloved grandpa died and her best friend was beaten to death in the same week. Her grandpa had been sick for a long while, so it wasn't anything unexpected when he died, but her friend's death was terribly brutal. An ex-boyfriend who had been harassing her found her alone, and went ballistic. She was a strong girl, and the type that would fight back, but he beat her so badly with a hammer that they couldn't even tell if she was a man or a woman.
Kerrie and I talked about it, but she never cried in front of me, nor did she open up much to her husband. She goes out to the cemetery to talk to them once in a while...just as she went to her sister's grave, after she was killed. In fact, when they were younger, she and her friend used to go to the cemetery late at night and "burn one with Jamie" now and then.

I guess what we all have to learn is that life is hard, and it's not fair. Bad things do happen to good people, and there's not a thing we can do about it. It's all just a roll of the bones. When your number comes up, it's time to go.

We hate to see our children hurting, but it's part of growing up. And we never stop growing up...in fact, I still have a long way to go, and I'm 60.

There's a saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I believe that's true. I thought I would die when my daughter was killed, but I didn't. There was a little 3 year old boy whose mommy had died and whose dad was a junky. I didn't think there was any way I could cope with raising that child, but, with my husband's support, I stepped up to the plate and did what had to be done.

Texas, the best thing your son could be doing right now is having a few beers with a friend. I'll be sending supportive vibes his way, and Bless his heart!
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Old 09-07-2007, 06:30 PM   #15
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Texas, the best thing your son could be doing right now is having a few beers with a friend. I'll be sending supportive vibes his way, and Bless his heart!
I know it is and it will get him through this evening.
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Old 09-07-2007, 06:46 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by texasgirl View Post
He went down to a friends house to ahve a beer of all things. But, if it helps, I don't care. Thank you!!

I am in this camp too, TXGirl.

The only thing one can do in this type of situation, is listen. Moms love can heal a LOT of things too.

I know that is a traumatic experience, but I hope he knows he was at no fault. Things like this just happen sometimes.

He will blow off some steam, and I am sure he won't be himself, but I trust that he is strong enough to bounce back.

positive thought to you and yours.
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Old 09-07-2007, 08:11 PM   #17
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Wow!How sad and he has been thru so much already dont know what else to say.If he is spiritual in any way it may help him to know that this man who was in a sence his guardian on the job he will also be looking on him from above from now on and that he really isnt gone except on the physical level.
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Old 09-07-2007, 08:46 PM   #18
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TG, I'm not really good with this type of thing, but here goes. I have been through similar experiences, including being at my father's death bed with him asking--he was using a pad and pen because he was on a vent--asking me to do something that I was never able to fully understand. Sometimes I think it was one thing, sometimes another. I have tried to do whatever it might have been, but I'm never sure. My consolation is that I have tried to be the son that he raised me to be and hope that I would, based on what he taught me, have automatically done what he asked. The fact is, we are mortal creatures, and the end comes when it will. All we can do is make the time we have count as much as we can, love whom we love while they live, mourn our losses, and move on knowing that others will have to do the same when we pass. I feel for your son; he has a lot of processing to do. For the short term, a few beers and some friends to talk to is a a good thing. In the end we all have to work out our own terms with death, but it is always a help to have someone to listen and someone who cares.
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Old 09-07-2007, 10:18 PM   #19
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The other thing your son needs to know is he was born with a big kind heart I understand this totally he takes things really hard as I do and really feels these events and lets his emotions take over but thats Ok because the world needs people like us and others here on DC and in the world.There are so many people in the world who will just say what a shame and forget about it and carry on.So there has to be a balance some of us cry over every dead dog or other creature on the road and people and some people dont think twice.Maybe its a blessing or a curse I prefer to think of it as a blessing even tho its painful someone has to acknowledge the end of life whether a creature or human known or unknown.But one thing he needs to know he is already man with a huge heart and a great soul.What he has as I do is a great sense of empathy and as hard as it is to deal with be grateful you have that feeling so much better than not feeling at all.Im not saying we cry over every death but we do know the ones we need to do this for sometimes personal sometimes not.The last person I did not know personally was Princess Diana in my wildest dreams I did not expect to be upset for her death.So you never know.
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Old 09-07-2007, 10:31 PM   #20
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I have lost 2 wives to cancer and I am losing one now to ALS and for your son to be so young and be so devastated is very understandable, Check and see if there is a hospice grief counselor in your town/city they have helped me tremendously in the past and are now on board for my wife now. Right now your son feels empty talk and be as loving as you can he will G d willing get over it it may take a year so be it
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